it feels very heavy
and depressing
i can't stop thinking about it
it's like a record player somehow got stuck in my head
and not its broken
replaying our song
over and over again
it's painful
knowing the weight
of my love for you
it's inevitable
having to carry it with me
along with the things you gave me
the letters
the clothes
the flowers
the love
it's
i don't know
we've made it so far
but i'll keep it in my heart and mind forever
every moment
every argument
every memory
i'll keep it
but will you?

i was growing younger day by day
there was love and it was all arranged
and I held you with the wandering eye
now I know the man I shoulda known
now I feel the love I should've shown
and I pull you in but you push me out
and I know you don't love me so
but please say it once before I go
i know that you can feel me
tell me that you don't love me
but say it one more time
i'm going darling, i'll step lightly
live on as if you still love me
just say it one more time
even if it's a lie, even if it's a lie
colors in the shirts you used to wear
the way that you would fix your brown hair
but I'll turn the lights down and leave
all the ways that I could say it now
you're the man to push away my doubt
but it's too late and were too young to know
and I know you don't love me so
but please say it once before I go
i know that you can feel me
tell me that you don't love me
but say it one more time
i'm going darling, i'll step lightly
live on as if you still love me
just say it one more time
even if it's a lie, even if it's a lie

wow! she's alive!
up and writing
barely surviving
sure i can still process things
but that doesn't mean i'm not dying
slowly
slowly makes everything worse
when things go slowly for you
all you want to do is press fast forward
so things will end
but then you realize
all the stuff you want to do
all the things you want to accomplish
you don't want to skip that
during times like this i don't want to press fast forward
i want to live in the moment
but that doesn't mean i's slowly dying
slowly
like the snail in your front yard
imagine how long it will take him to reach his destination
imagine how long it will take me to reach my destination
"can we just stop for a second?
i want to take this in"
she said as the sun set
he wanted it to go by quicker
but little did he know
he was always the one in a rush
while she took and spent every second she had
on things she loved to do
she loved to read
she loved to write
she loved to sing and paint
she loved to watch the sun set
she loved to be with him
but all he wanted to do is think about the future
will he graduate college?
will he get a good job?
what will happen to him?
that's all he ever thought about
until she left him
and she didn't look back
because he was still busy looking forward
and she
looking down at her brown worn out boots
took a step forward
wow! she lives
there she goes
she will travel to the ends of the earth
spending every second she has
living in the moment
not looking back or forward

i thought being busy
would be good for me
instead
it drains me
wrings me out and hangs me to dry
on a hot sunny day
and then comes along stress
to think i could handle it
words cannot express
how wrong i was

how does something last?
do you take tons of pictures?
post like online
and keep them there?
do you print them?
and frame them
for the top shelf of the fireplace?
or do you take everything in?
second by second
holding onto them likes its the end of the world?
do you make things last?
do you consider important moments
memorable?

everything is on a train
a never ending train
going around in circles
making stops for people to get on and off
but there will be no cargo
no material things
the only valuable
shall remain inside your thoughts and memories

like your seventh birthday
or eighth
whichever you consider your most favorite
or like the time you first fell down
and saw the blood seeping out from the wound
the first time you actually felt real
pain
pain will remain in your memories
pain is one of the things that will last
but not a moment longer than this
will you tolerate it
because another thing that lasts
is departing

you'll see him or her go in an instant
you try to reach out but you miss
it will last
the thought of touching them
will last
and its something you'd think of
last