As the rain pours outside
The rusty blade makes my skin cry
****** tears emerging through my skin
Dropping on my lap.
I don't want to feel anything
I want that blade to cause pain.
A pain killer!
To **** that emptiness inside of me.

Look back to the past and miss it.
An urge,
a desire to go back!
What was bad before
today is even worse ...
Run away from nowadays's despair!
Run back in order to escape from the unknown scary future!
Achieve what at least was certain
and stay forever in my comfort zone.

Just a med school sudent
Almost a doctor.
Really near to the graduation
Still insecure.
Kind of desperate about it!
How can it be possible?
The thing you most love
To cause such a despair?
Am I going to be able to handle this world?
Alone...?