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i ******* hate my life right now.
sometimes im the happiest, smiliest person ever, and then the next minute i feel like total ****.
i dont know what i want in my life right now, and i dont know where to go or who i can trust.
ive been let down by so many people.
every time something seems like its about to work out, it doesnt.
something else happens that ruins it.
i just wish things would work out soon.
ive been through self-harm; im still going through it. it doenst help.
i smoke way too ******* much; i drug way too ******* much.
its making me worse, its making me hate myself more, its making me feel like a disappointment.
i just feel judged by everyone and unable to please anybody.
and its miserable because its been going on for just so ****, ******* long.
May 2014 · 960
Eyes - For Tate
9:48am

He is the only person in her life
That makes her feel beautiful.
He tells her he loves her
And she knows he means it
By the way his eyes light up
When he says her name.

She would kiss him for hours
And he would let her
Because he wanted to kiss her, too.

Sometimes he holds her, but
Sometimes she holds him, too;
Because she knows he likes it.

When she tells him she loves him,
She looks right into his eyes;
And he knows she means it,
Because her eyes light up in the
Same way as his do.
Apr 2014 · 629
Maybe Some Day - For Tate.
Maybe some day he will fall in love with you
Maybe you dont think you can wait until then.
I think that anybody that makes you wait
Is not worth waiting for.

Maybe some day you will fall in love with another boy;
A boy that makes you question why you ever thought
You would be better off alone.
Maybe he is the one you give your life to.

Maybe some day a perfectly imperfect boy will come along.
He won't make your life flawless
But he will make you laugh until your days are over.
I think that is the only type of boy you need in your life.

When you first meet him,
He will just be another pretty face that you love to look at.
Give it some time, my sweet.
In a short while, he will be the only face you will be able to see
Even if there are some more beautiful than his.
Apr 2014 · 1.8k
i wanna know you better
i wanna know you better than the back of my hand,  and what keeps you up at 2am

i wanna know what song has been stuck in your head, and how you'd look tucked into my bed

i wanna know what words are on the tip of your tongue, and hear about your dreams, even when you have none

i wanna know what brings you to tears, and what your face would look like if i lightly bit your ear

i wanna know how you like your coffee in the morning, and how cute you look when you're snoring

i wanna know you better
Apr 2014 · 620
Six Word Story
I wish i could be okay.
Jan 2014 · 496
a sad poem
12:32 pm

give me a reason to stay
tell me you love me and
make me believe it
but make yourself believe it too

dont leave me hanging around
while you talk to all of your
friends because
truth be told
you are all of my friends
and if you leave i have no one left

so give me a reason to stay
please
and i will give you a reason too

12:39 pm
Oct 2013 · 956
End.
They had no idea
How she truly felt
And they did not know
With what she dealt
Because she knew how to smile
And hold back her tears
She did this for months
Months turned into years
Self-harmer, depression, anorexia, self-hate
Four of her many destructive self traits
She took pride in her razor
But mostly her knife
She finished her letter
Then ended her life

m.h.
Sep 2013 · 356
Untitled.
In her mind, she knew it was coming.
But in her heart, she held on to that one last little sliver of hope
Until it was all gone.
And now it is all gone.
Its over.
Sep 2013 · 642
Heartbreak
Heartbreak is the simplest
And the most devastating thing
To ever happen to any young girl

She puts so much hope into her relationship
So much pride into what she can call hers
Then it is torn from her so quickly
She never saw it coming

And all the sudden
It is *over
Sep 2013 · 858
Survivor
Sometimes, when i look down at my wrists
Or my thighs
Or my hips
I realize that ever scar there
Is a battle that I have lost against myself.
But when I look in the mirror
After months of being clean
I see a survivor of the war
That I once thought I could never win.
Jul 2013 · 530
Flowers
I think its beautiful when there are
Flowers growing in the cracks
Of the city because it helps
Me realize that this is a sad
Town with cuts in its foundation
But that doesn't stop the flowers
From growing there.
Jun 2013 · 619
Music
I have been mistaken until this point.
Music did not save my life,
But
Music gave me the streghth
And the power,
To help me save my own life.
And that is the beauty of it.
May 2013 · 813
Comparisons
I want to be like water.
Light enough to slip through finger tips,
And strong enough to hold up a ship.

I want to be like the clouds.
Thin enough to evaporate into air,
And thick enough to block out
All the light from the sun.

I want to be like air.
Simple enough to be taken for granted,
And powerful enough
To determine your life
Or your death.
May 2013 · 573
I Am Not
Stop telling me I am beautiful
And do not tell me
How cute my dimples are.
Dont tell me how funny I am,
And dont tell me
You cant live without me.

Beautiful girls dont stay at home
On Saturday nights
Wishing for something better to come.
Funny girls dont lock themselves away to cry.
And if you cant live without me,
Then how are you doing just that?
May 2013 · 420
Love(d)
The first time
You ever uttered the words
"I love you,"
I cried.
And I cried.
And I cried again.
Because I know you really didnt love me,
But I loved you.
May 2013 · 498
The River
The river knows the way,
The people do not.
Streams do not find where they belong
By being harsh or strong.
They find where they belong
By being gentle.
They flow, shimmering in the light.
The river does not push.
The river knows the way.
May 2013 · 491
Seasons
"I love you,"
She said, one cold winter day.
With scars on her thighs and
With sadness in her heart.
"I love you."

"I love you,"
He said, one rainy spring day.
With scars on his wrists and
With tears in his eyes.
"I love you."

"I love you,"
She said, one hot summer day.
With pants on her thighs and
With sleeves on her wrists.
"I love you."

"I love you,"
He wrote, one cool autumn day.
With a rope around his neck and
With pills in his system.
He professed his love for the last time
On a piece of torn paper.
"I love you."
May 2013 · 614
Highdeas
Nothing special.
Just my 4am highdeas
Pouring out of my blue ink pen
And onto my lined paper.
"I am perfectly content with my life,"
I scream
As I contemplate jumping in front of a car
Or possibly
Swallowing a bottle of pills.
It seems i fail to get my emotions
Out of my head
And on to this paper
Fast enough.
As my blue ink dries up
And I run out of lines on my paper
I scream,
"I am perfectly content with my life"
May 2013 · 520
Good Luck With That One
By telling me to “just stop,” you're making it worse.
You may not realize it, but you are.
Telling a self-harmer to “just stop cutting” is like telling an alcoholic to go into a room full of alcohol and just sit there.
Just sit there and be forced to look around and touch nothing.
Good luck with that one.
It wont happen.
May 2013 · 444
Early Mornings
Early morning cigarettes,
And early morning tea.
I sit there contemplating life
Pondering what is to come.
With a book in my right hand,
And a cigarette in my left,
And the tea on the table,
And my dog at my feet,
I smile.
Not because I lead my life
With happiness,
But because in that moment
I am perfectly content.
May 2013 · 571
Conflicts in the Mind
I am not afraid of suicide,
You see.
I am only afraid of
What would happen
If I were to fail.
I would wake up in a hospital,
Tear stained faces surrounding my bed.
And sorrow in my heart.
But i may take the risk anyway
Because I will always have the wish
To die
Just to
Live
In their
Heads.
May 2013 · 5.8k
Over Thinking
Dont think.
Dont think at all.
Just dont.
Because thinking leads to over thinking.
And over thinking leads to head explosions.
So just dont think.
Just dont.
Because thinking lets you realize how ******* up everyone
And everything
Truly is
So dont think.
Just dont.
May 2013 · 650
Addict
In the same way
He was addicted to *******
She was addicted
To him
And nobody knew how it felt
To be addicted to a boy
That had more on his mind
Then just her.
May 2013 · 502
Crimson
She said quietly
"I dont care."

But I could tell by the way
Her voice cracked when she said it.
I could tell by the lump in her throat.
I could tell by the gloss in her eyes.
And I could tell by
The crimson
On her wrists that

She really did care.
May 2013 · 469
In Hell
In the deepest, darkest, depths of Hell, I found myself alone, yet again. I can’t stand it anymore, but I'm trapped. Trapped from normality; trapped from the mainstream. I can’t get out. I'm here forever.
May 2013 · 1.2k
Water
I like water
Swimming, floating…
Drowning

Its all quite peaceful, if you ask me
I like the way my body makes ripples as the water huddles around me
Waves

I gasp for air
I need more air

I have all the air I need, now
The water is almost calm
Just ripples from what almost happened

I spin and turn, trying to catch my breath
I can’t do it
It’s almost too late

It’s not too late
Calming down; that’s what is happening now
The water is calming down, yet again
I drift further into the waves

Into the ripples
Until all that is left of me is what almost was

— The End —