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The first time
You ever uttered the words
"I love you,"
I cried.
And I cried.
And I cried again.
Because I know you really didnt love me,
But I loved you.
The river knows the way,
The people do not.
Streams do not find where they belong
By being harsh or strong.
They find where they belong
By being gentle.
They flow, shimmering in the light.
The river does not push.
The river knows the way.
"I love you,"
She said, one cold winter day.
With scars on her thighs and
With sadness in her heart.
"I love you."

"I love you,"
He said, one rainy spring day.
With scars on his wrists and
With tears in his eyes.
"I love you."

"I love you,"
She said, one hot summer day.
With pants on her thighs and
With sleeves on her wrists.
"I love you."

"I love you,"
He wrote, one cool autumn day.
With a rope around his neck and
With pills in his system.
He professed his love for the last time
On a piece of torn paper.
"I love you."
Nothing special.
Just my 4am highdeas
Pouring out of my blue ink pen
And onto my lined paper.
"I am perfectly content with my life,"
I scream
As I contemplate jumping in front of a car
Or possibly
Swallowing a bottle of pills.
It seems i fail to get my emotions
Out of my head
And on to this paper
Fast enough.
As my blue ink dries up
And I run out of lines on my paper
I scream,
"I am perfectly content with my life"
By telling me to “just stop,” you're making it worse.
You may not realize it, but you are.
Telling a self-harmer to “just stop cutting” is like telling an alcoholic to go into a room full of alcohol and just sit there.
Just sit there and be forced to look around and touch nothing.
Good luck with that one.
It wont happen.
Early morning cigarettes,
And early morning tea.
I sit there contemplating life
Pondering what is to come.
With a book in my right hand,
And a cigarette in my left,
And the tea on the table,
And my dog at my feet,
I smile.
Not because I lead my life
With happiness,
But because in that moment
I am perfectly content.
I am not afraid of suicide,
You see.
I am only afraid of
What would happen
If I were to fail.
I would wake up in a hospital,
Tear stained faces surrounding my bed.
And sorrow in my heart.
But i may take the risk anyway
Because I will always have the wish
To die
Just to
Live
In their
Heads.
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