Can you see the heaviness in my eyes?
Is that why you go?
Too far gone to be saved.
Damaged goods.
Complicated.
And you're right.

I'm too heavy to carry.
Not the physicality of my frame
because you see I don't eat much
since
Him.

But a heavy heart, head, hurt.
And I'll be too heavy for most
once we're past the Laughs
and my
Legs.

Until I can carry my eyes.
The day when the smell of
Him
doesn't make me
hungry.

and nauseous.

So you should go.
Because I see it in your eyes.
You're heavy too.

“Remember thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return.” Genesis 3:19

The air has a texture
thick and hot in my nose
that my lungs cannot accommodate.
I kick for the surface
but fabric is a far sight thicker
than water.
-
I am too young to be
wrapped up in this
where minute’s click
seems a loss
and getting older, no gain.
-
I am frightened,
but everywhere I turn
I hear shades whisper
“Such is life…”
and nothing more.
-
For our skins are our shrouds
And we are born in our burial cloths.

-M. Hale, 7/19/12

Mouths are not used for communication.
Rather they add to all frustrations,
Allowing lies, guile, and machinations.

If man had a trunk to trumpet a warning,
‘Twould be better served than a tongue used for spurning.

A narrow proboscis for nutrients to ****,
More useful than lips that spew only muck.

The double-speak game is one that must stop,
Before all good words are spun into rot.

Mouths are ridiculous adaptations,
That enable ridiculously false orations,
Telling us all we need is communication.

-M. Hale
6.10.11

Don’t follow me in the car, don’t tell me who you are.
Don’t whisper in my ear, just to watch the fear
spark up in each eye, just because I’m scared to die.
Don’t taunt me with your power, not at this late hour.
twomoreblocks…twomoreblocks…
Won’t you leave me alone, I only want to go home.
I still hear your voice, forward is my only choice.
Head down, collar up, pray. Please, oh please, no further delays.
onemoreblock…onemoreblock…
Don’t grab my hand, please understand.
You know I’m alone, just let me go home.
Don’t pull my hair, don’t touch me there.
I have a past and a future, too. But that all means nothing to you.
Don’t make me regret my identity, when you know nothing at all about me.

-M. Hale
8.1.11

It's interesting how "I love you," can sound like a curse,
not wrapped up in the honeyed interior of love sonnet's verse.
Spat out like a viper, ready to feed:
"I freaking love you, OK?"
Interesting how that's all you need.

-M. Hale
9.5.11

Losing a lot in leaving here.
Letting go each time at liftoff,
Learning loving you is the longest lane I let myself allow.
Loneliness looms large again,
Little will be done to lock it,
Loosen, let go, live on.
Let the turbulence dull.

-M. Hale
10.11.11

Sometimes I worry
that our differences outweigh
the similarities.
I guess I keep you around
because when I am afraid of the dark,
you are always the first to point out
the
stars.

-M. Hale
5.17.12

A black hole looms
and my worst fears are realized.
I don't have
words
enough
to
fill
it.

*for AGM

The veil is drawn now.
How I wish it was ripped instead.
I'm reluctant to believe in the light...
but for you I must.

*RIP, KPD

I'll never forget the sight of you.
I wanted to liquefy the moment
and drink it in slowly.

It’s night. Deepest darkest blackest night.

I feel the pinch and fear of one hunted,

the prey run out of options.

No help is given, though plainly demanded.

The thin veneer of civilization threatens to give way.



There is no escape from the knot in my stomach

because we’re hemmed in at all sides

and I’m panicking at the facelessness of my enemy,

as I evolve from woman to female.



What is the world where we aren’t what we thought we were?

From adults to children. From children to animals.

Stepping backwards. A warped progression.

Sterilize. Maintain. Control. Clean. Safe.



The world seems to whisper as if someone(thing?) is listening…

Big Brother(Sister?) the walls have ears(eyes?)…



KingdomPhylumClassOrderFamilyGenusSpecies.

Anama­liaChordataMammaliaPrimatesHominidaeHomoSapiens.



Two legs doesn’t mean you’re safe from

acting like you have four.

****

sapiens



Ecce, ****! Fiat lux.

or else we’re doomed.



Intellect to instinct.

Man to mammal.



Walk on two legs now, can you afford to lose them?



Ad insaniam, ut illuminabit…

Vel in flammis tandem finis.



SUM EST.



Chaos is closing in. Can you cope?

Now here I am, driving west, trying to outrun the setting sun,
trying to forget that leaving you was the last thing I should’ve done.
Should’ve turned around right there, right then, and run back to your embrace,
but I had to go, I had to leave, I think I’ve got big dreams to chase.

A **** in my brow from side to side,
You split my skin nine stitches wide.
I don’t even have the cogency to cry.

Another ER trip, I swear I’m out.
No matter the showers of love that you spout.
I can’t put up with another shout.
I know one day I can live without…

But I’m clumsy, I’ll tell them I fell.
Even though all of my fallacies smell.
They won’t believe the volume of my yell.
But with gentle arms you re-create my cell.
I’ve been here before, I know this death knell.

I wish I could tell you no.
You know this won’t be the time I go.

Today is just not my day.

When the snake-fog rolls in from the east,
It’s unlike any other.
It slides, slithers, slinks seaward
Like a serpent sidewinding through city streets.
It wraps up the wharf with a whisper.
Thick. Sinewy. Venomous.
This California boa constrictor swallows the city whole,
And settles to digest through the night.
I hope I might survive its smoggy stomach…
So I think I’ll stay.

When you look at a map, things look different.
We don't seem so far   a  p  a  r  t.
Just a stretch of highway, w
                                                 i
                                                   n
                                                d
                                                  i
                                                     n
                                                  g

                                               a
                                               l
                                               o
                                               n
                                               g,
The.distance.between.two.d.o.t.s.
                                           over
It would take me a little         a tank
Of       gas       to       get       to       where      you      are.
We're (four-fifty-four), and I've done the math,
My baby reaches -four-fifty- on the dot.

So here's to you,
here's to me,
here's to everything we wanted to be.
In a world of the not-good-enoughs,
the half-remembered-maybes,
maybe we can be enough,

you and me.

Hips don't help
when I'm hightailing home
hurrying...

Times like these, I'd rather be asexual.

I see shadows slink-scurrying
slithering slyly
sneering...

I hate your ability to intimidate.

I want to turn toward and
take on your trash
toughly...

But there's five of you and one of me. And my hands are small.

No matter the mothering moralists
who match me to men
meaningfully...

I am a woman, and I am still afraid.

Self-defense can only go so far...
and my hips don't help.