We never talked
Anymore
And when we did
The conversation
                            dripped

Like a dried up
Desert stream

Funny how then he’d seem
Like a tidal wave of talk
Not letting my words walk
Anywhere
Near his extremely important
Ten minute
Explanation
In which he’d sum up that day’s
Cartoons, football matches, car trouble, his hard day of work that ended at lunch
How drunk he got after work, how drunk he was going to get that night
While he fetted without a slight
Thought of me.

So understandably
He was exhausted
And couldn’t
Wouldn’t
Didn’t want to hear

My ten minuets
Of how I missed
The boy who kissed
Me
At a movie theater
Read all my pathetic poetic
Love letters
Told me I was a better
Writer than I thought
Fought for me
Drove across highways for me
Was in love with me truly, madly, deeply
Who told me constantly
That he loved me

When I didn’t believe it
He loved me

When I didn’t want to hear it
He loved me
When I’d just finished crying
He loved me

I miss the boy who never made me feel

Alone

Whose cell phone
Didn’t mind listening to my voice
And given the choice
Would listen to it
All night
Long.

But that boy’s gone.

And I’m left to pick up conversation
With this
Affectionless alien.

I’ve always wanted to play chess with you
But I never thought it’d be like this.

I never thought you’d bring me onto this battlefield
As your Queen
Promising to shield
Me. Promising to wield
Your ponderous power
Any day, any hour
I needed you.

Never thought I’d be fighting this war
Alone
Giving up everything I owned
For you

Never knew I’d have to battle other queens
On this chessboard.

Never guessed you’ never budge
From your square

You sit comfortably on your chair
Without a care
In the world
(But yourself)

It’s just a game to you.
I am just game to you.

I always thought
You’d have my back
Any attack and I swore
You’d be
At my side
I thought this was a ride
Built for two.

But there are too
Too many
Knights
Bishops
Rooks

Pawns

That I can count on
Before I can count
You as
The One
Who truly loves me.

But one day it will hit you
Hard in the face
That my place
Is empty
On this black and white field
When the real
World smacks you straight in the heart
I won’t be there to be a part
Of it all.

One day my King,
I will not be on your board
And what a twisted twist of fate
When there’s a white King standing stately
Before you
Shaking your hand as he says

Checkmate.

When someone dies
We neither see them
Nor hear them
We stay tied to them
By a mere spider’s web
Of memories.

I neither see you
Nor hear you
And all I have to prove
That this is real
Is a thin transparent
Spider web thread of memories.

But you know what they say about spider silk is real
It may look fragile, but it is stronger than steel.

Single life is sweet
And a lover’s life is a dream
But then there is that
                 Space in between
That doesn’t seem real
At all.
It’s the fall
From cloud nine

To the loneliest limbo.

It’s watching sparkling sugar coated single earthlings
Below show off their uncommitted free spirited
Confectioner outfitted
Figures and naked fingers
Bubblegum ******* blazers
And frosted fickle flaked fedoras
Suiting each been-there-done-that suitor
In runway Yong Wild and
Free

And then you see
Above
Airy fairy angels in love
Wearing pale peachy perfection
And creamy chiffon
Adorned in pearly promises
Baby’s breath and fresh roses
French kisses and rubbing noses
And of course
The stupid
Valentine’s Day cards.

But you are far
Away from either world
You are a girl
In silent confinement
Trapped
On Cloud Five nothingness
Like a time bomb
A volatile child
Ready to explode
At any moment
So kept
In icy isolation
So that no one
Could hear the cries
Of your eruption.

I made you swear
We’d share
Everything.
Smiling, you came calling me to see
The imitation of honesty that you had painted.

My trust in you fainted.

Self sainted,
You showed me your holy creation
(filled with holes, rotting in mould; rank with deception)
In the anticipation
That I’d buy it

That ****?
Really.

Boasting that you never talked to her
                       anymore.
Sure.
Like you said, I could have checked your messages
Myself; for added validation.

I am no fool.

That night there was just something
Small
You deleted from our discussion
Just like you how you deleted your most recent conversation
With her.

I’m sorry that she couldn’t make it to the mall that Saturday.
I hope she made it up to you the following Friday.
You really know how to play.

I can read people like books
But you are a magazine.

Well it looks like we’re even.
We both have something we never showed each other.
You never showed me the entire conversation


and I never showed you this poem.

They say actions speak louder than words
but I’ve never been one for shouting
so here’s my quiet confession
only for you; my sole obsession

My mounting
                    feelings soar
                                      on this paper

My words may not roar
But rest assured
They are true.
I need no hyped up hyperbole
No profound, mind-boggling simile

no hiding
behind complex imagery

all I have are my naked words

bare, exposed emotion
unbuttoned passion
white expression
embrace this page
clinging tight.


Still
nothing I write
can ever capture this feeling
no epic, no odyssey
can chart this journey of
                flying
with you

I am not Shakespeare
Dickenson
Frost
I’m just a fool; lost
Without you

I am not trying to compose a classic
not trying to re-write the Romantics
these are my words
from heart to hart

I love you

All I’d ever known were full stops
I’ve dangled
            By commas
                  All my life
Strife filled juxtapositions
Disappointed allusions
Had punctuated my compositions
From the start

But my heart
Is rewritten
You erase my punctuation
Drawing instead, devotion
In permanent ink

I am a new page

No longer caged
By doubt
I’ve thrown mistrust out
My window

All I am is a pathetic fallacy
A hurricane
Of imperfections
                                        Forgive me
I am overcoming insecurity
Burying uncertainty
And rising above
Fear

You’ve rewritten me
Clearly
Your love outweighed
Cowardice.
I am no longer afraid
For I always knew
                             There is nothing on earth worth loosing you.