sleep that once eluded me
begins to lure me near
an idea that once i longed for
now brings me only fear

for once upon a time
long ago i met a man
i fell helplessly in love
a feeling few understand

every night i dream of him
holding me in his arms
I feel the safety and the happiness
while at the mercy of his charm

he haunts my world
that amazing man
and i do not shed a tear
until morning comes
and i wake up
and he's no longer here

You know not the measure
of my now broken heart
your ignorance astounds me


vapor

I disappeared as if
into the thinest of air
maybe you would have commented
had you realised I was even there


gone but for a moment
yet forgotten long before

Empty thoughts stream in inconsistent lines
A love once thought lost somehow seems to thrive
The darkness had consumed all the happiest of times
But one look at you and once again I'm alive

Through the darkness and the clouds its hard to see
but a strong confident hand reached for me
Without thought I grasped it and was lifted away
To the safety of the light where I choose to stay

Thank you for being exactly who you are
You shine a light much brighter than any of the stars
Without you my world would be dark and cold
So I make these statements at the risk of sounding bold

I don't know what to make of the place we are in
And I'm not exactly sure where to even begin
But the truth is the love that courses through my veins
Has never been stronger than it is today

I always said I knew you.

The real you, that is.

Not just your hobbies.

Not just your tastes.


I always said I knew you.

The real you, that is.

I knew your thoughts.

I knew your soul.


I always said I knew you.

The real you, that is.

That's why I'm hurt.

And I don't know who to blame.


If I knew you.

The real you, that is.

Did I pretend that you loved me?

Or did I really not know you?


In all the years I've known you,

The real you, that is.

I've known you didn't know me.

I've known you couldn't love me.


In all the years I've known you,

The real you, that is.

I've wanted to be with you.

I've wanted you to be with me.


In all the years I've known you

The real you, that is.

I haven't been able to resist you

Except for just once.





I still had some dignity then.

It seems as though I've lost it.

Somewhere along the way.

I don't blame you for that.

I must have given it away in pieces.

To a few different men.

But it seems to me that you got the last of it.

And I don't know how to get it back again.





After ten long years

of the on again off again sort

I'm done with you.

You've cast me away for the last time.

I should rejoice in my decision to take back my life

yet this void only seems to grow larger




You have done little but hurt me

over all of these years

And somehow I always seem

to go back for more.


I spend months away from you

not taking your calls

avoiding the thing that

always ends up hurting me


And then I begin to answer again

I forgive and try to forget

I say I can't be hurt again

you can't hurt me worse than before

And then it happens again

different method, same result


And again I ignore the calls

claiming that I wont be had again

you apologize and offer the world

over and over and over again


And then I begin it all over again.

So when does it stop?

I know I have to stop it.

I want to stop it.

But why does it still hurt?




After all of this time

after all of this pain

you continue to call

and I continue to ignore

And I continue to cry

because I miss you

and I don't know why.