I want to write something,
Something worth reading,
Something with layers of meaning.
     I don't know how.
     I am not clever.

The sun through the window,
It's like someone better,
Someone with power
Is shining their love,
Their peace and their warmth

On me. But
I am not clever.
They are.
I am reckless.
I am not clever.
     I am filled with airport rage.

Deeper than the velvet of your smoking jacket,
Eyes gaze up and out, on and on, a darkness so complete.
The hairs raise on your arms, diminished by the uncountable pin-****** of light in the sky.
Some fade while others bloom, a million years suspended in one second’s glance.
What if every light were a dream, a human hope once had now held captive by the sky.
Find yours amongst the Milky Way, the icing-sugar-dusting constellation.

Lying on the cold beach
Pretending to listen to the waves crash and watch the stars shine.
All I heard was your heartbeat,
All I saw was your chest rise and fall with each breath.
Clinging onto your hand
Because every secret second counted,
But never daring to lift my cold lips to yours.

I felt them breathing warmth on my forehead and that had to be enough;
It was love and I clung to it tighter than I clung to your hand.

You're with her now
And not with me.
Its fine, I cope, but miserably.

Its thoughts of you inside my head
While I lie alone in bed.
Longing, loneliness, and Love
As hopeful as a shot down dove.
But I don't die, Oh no, not I,
I stare and ache, refuse to cry.

Convinced I'm strong I bear the blow,
The bruising takes a while to show.
I'm lost and flailing, heart's a mess.
Hurts more and more,
Not less and less.

The delighted shrieks of kids as they play marbles on the cobbled sloping streets,
A Ramadan pleasure while adults sleep off the heat of the day.
Men watch with quietly stirring stomachs as we stroll past, ice-cream in hand and flip-flops clicking on the pavement.
A woman tuts.
We are foreigners here in this foreign land,
Lending our British gaze to the hill-top view.

Let's go back there, me with you,
To the town of white and blue.

Her lips lingering millimeters from yours,
Aching to close the gap.
Her breath tickling your chin so timidly,
Waiting to be snatched away.
Her eyes burning, dilated, seeing more of you
Than you willingly expose.
Tension.

You pull her in, pull her close, hold her there.
Every inch of you is touching,
Tingling.
Anticipating.

And so together you understand that love
Is a true possibility.
If not for now, not for this her and him,
Then for later, another.
Aware.

Yesterday we..
Or was it the day before?
No no no.

We went to the most beautiful place,
Have you been?
The trees, oh, the leaves!
Lovely!

Sorry, I can't have been..?
I thought..
But I saw the lake!

I saw the lake,
The wake the swans create.
It was just magic, just.. magic.
And the leaves, oh, the leaves!

My name is, name is, name..
You're confusing me!
How old?!
How old indeed.
Where am I?
Who.. who..
Where are the trees?
The leaves and the lake?

I'm meeting him there at 3.
My husband, he'll be free at 3.
We'll feed the swan's bread..

There is nothing wrong!
There is nothing wrong with my head!
I... I... I...

Yesterday we went to the most beautiful place,
Have you been?
The trees, oh, the leaves!
Lovely!

Don't sleep with her-
Love her.
Don't smile at her-
Hug her.

If you're there then let yourself be known,
She'll only understand if she is shown.

Don't just look, touch.
And don't, don't ever, think too much.

Dreamer,
Sleep is the cousin of death,
A visit to Neverland.
Fragile eyelids droop
and you're dream-ward bound.

Dreamer,
Look around you
At the world you've created.
Your mind's still sharp
Though your body defeated.

Dreamer,
Send a postcard
From wherever you go.
Though you are not, I am
Afraid and need to know.

Dreamer,
Close your weary eyes
And drift to sleep.
Live's lived, time's up.
At loss of you we weep.

If I were to die tonight, at least there'd be no pain.
Eyes closed, peaceful, listening to the rain.
I'd play a haunting album, one that makes me feel,
All emotions that I've ever felt, the ones that make life real.
It's not been long since I arrived but time is slowing, gone.
But what a way to die my dear, is listening to a song.

Its a quarter past eleven, and I'm listening to heaven.

There is a sadness that fills all time,
A sadness that's not yours nor mine.
It's there behind each look and touch
And when we kiss it hurts so much.
It's nothing, just a weight to bear
On shoulders old from wear and tear.

When I eat the food is bland,
When I fall I need your hand
To catch me but you let me go,
To fall fast into darkness that lurks below.
I can't crawl out or feel a thing
Except for loss and sorrow's sting.

It's tiring, all this thoughtlessness.
You leave, I stay, you say it's best
But where's my say? It's both our fate.
Our futures, hopes, don't correlate.
And so I'll stay in sorrow's beauty,
You'll feel that you've fulfilled a duty.

Life goes on in art and film,
Sadness lingers,
Regrets grow stronger,
I need you with me.

You're decided.
I'm being replaced
With voices stronger,
Notes much clearer,
Posture certain,
Pitch perfect.

I am none, nothing, gone.
Haunted, haunting, wrong.

December is harsh,
Winter seeps through the pavement
And we mourn the tree’s loss.
How can I behave when I do not
Know the culture?
You pass the bread back and forth
And I do not know why.

Will you speak to me, Monsieur?
Speak to me with meaning in your eyes
So that I might understand.

Chestnuts roast, a smell so warm and kind,
We pass the stall but do not turn to look.
Paree, Paree, what did you do to me?
Oh darling! What did you do?

The sky is weeping,
His tears rolling down windowpanes
As he sobs into the shoulders of the Gare du Nord.
Winter has come and he knows it as much as I.
I went to see the girl who stares,
I stared back and sought comfort in her gaze.

Strange, how a place can make you feel so alone.
Don’t you agree? Show me if you agree.
In this town of fifty million Frenchmen
Cold creeps into my bones.

Until my heart sings with love I will let it pulse with lust.
Our bodies fit together but you’re not my other half.
Does this sound daft?

I need you, I like you, I want you. You pick me up from the ground,
But I am waiting for love to come along and sweep me back off my feet.

Nervously she sits,
Fidgety, afraid.
Across from her
A man-
A man with beard and braids.

Oh why,
Why are you afraid?
And what are we to do?
I'm afraid my dear
This is how it is,
That man's across from you.

Quite hurriedly
She glances round,
Careful not to stare.
An awkwardness is settling in,
Of that they're both aware.

A slip of hand,
His coffee spills.
It's all a dripping mess.
He leans across to help her
Wipe the mess up from her dress.

The tension builds,
It's all too much,
His touch has caused a stir.
He continues on a moment more
Aware of this and her.

She's breathing now
Quite heavily.
He can feel it on his chest.
And with his hand
He strokes her cheek
And there does let it rest.

She moves across
And he sits down,
Their bodies side to side.
They turn towards each other
As if pulled by a strong tide...

'Unlikely tale!'
I hear you say,
'Romantic and untrue!'
But mind you wait,
On the last train home
This may just happen to you.

I know what it's like to have everybody there
But just feel like you're completely alone.
As if you're talking, they don't listen,
Are you even there at all?
Are you dreaming?  Are you sleeping?
Insignificantly small.

I am screaming, I am crying, I am tearing up my soul.
As I'm dying, they're all lying, there's no further left to fall.
If I lay here in the dark,
No one would blink, no dog would bark,
Because I'm alone, lonely, lone.

Tell me how -
     How you feel, are you afraid?
I am, afraid -
     Afraid of what you start to mean.
Rip me up -
     It's a price I've already paid,
I dare you -
     The scars are there as proof.
I refuse to cry -
     For what are tears? I bleed inside.

I'm going away, but I wish I could stay.
Will you remember me when I'm not here to remind you?

We've not been friends long and our bond blooms strong,
So much yet to say and see and think and feel together.

These things don't happen often, will you stay to soften
The blows as life goes on?

I'm going away but our friendship doesn't have to.

It's not just a name-tag, it's a chore.
It's a chore and you're a bore.
I don't know how long I can be this for.

The silence creeps through the valley of misunderstanding.
The lies grow as weeds in an unkempt garden.
Who are you to tell me how to live, how to be.

Trust is essential here, in this foreign land.
Belief in ourselves, disciples of our own religion.
I am trusting you with myself, trust me.

This is not a battle.
We are no Trafalgar.
You are not Nelson.

There is nothing to do
but, sit, stare, think.

Too much can ****,
Too little may still
Not be the answer.

Think of nothing.
Feel nothing.

But nothing is something.
Everything is something.
Everything seems to be the problem
Nothing cannot solve.

Person, friend, we hang about
Maybe too much, day in day out.
Night in night out, its now routine
We can't turn off like a machine.
I wish I could just flick a switch
And not seem like I'm being a *****.
But maybe space is what we need
Until desires elsewhere can feed.
And lie about we will all day,
No doubt at night we'll likely stay
But company is good from friends
And more than just a means to ends.

I miss London,
I love it here.
I miss London,
I am so happy.
I'm all at sea.
I'm crying.
I'm so ******* delirious.

I thought I’d stopped but I haven’t,
Thought I’d moved on.
I’d become a better self, strong,
Stopped punishing myself for my thoughts -
But it turns out that’s all wrong.
I should be more aware that I
Haven’t escaped from the way that I am
And perhaps it’s impossible to do so alone.
I’m in need of help,
Sorry for asking.

I can't say 'It's OK'
When it's clearly not that way.
There's a river running down your face and pain in your stare.

In the end you're disbelieving,
The Reaper's been caught thieving.
Souls are ours to keep and not his to take away.

You can't breathe,
The air's intoxicating.
Can't or won't,
As if suffocating.

Please breathe. Breathe for us who remain.

Let go, old life, so I may fly,
With flutter of wing and blink of eye.
I close the door on ages past,
I rig our boat, put up the mast.
We'll sail from here on mornings tide,
Loves light shall be our only guide.

Look out, the rocks, they'll take us down,
To where you'll never lift your crown,
To where no breeze will fill the sail,
To where our love is sure to fail.
Just keep your head above the surface,
Deep breaths, my love, they'll serve their purpose.

They'll sing to us as we arrive,
We'll say 'Rejoice, we're still alive.'
Walk, we shall, up that red floor,
Until we reach the golden door.
It shall not jam, it shall not creak,
And bow before us, shall the meek.

Where are you sun?
Where have you gone?
In summer months you shone so strong.
I long for a beach, a warm summers day
In which there is laughter and everyone’s gay.
Rather than this wintery grey
That blankets the world in a sense of dismay.
Everything's a shade of grey
And I don’t feel okay.

Savlon is the smell of her sanity.
It scares the demons, they leave her be.

The screaming and crying,
The thoughts of her death,
The slowing of heart-rate
And then her last breath.

It's just disinfectant,
A cream for the ill.
She thinks of what else,
Or who else it could ****.

The blue and the white,
These colours are sane.
They clear away smoke,
And soothe her sore brain.

Savlon is the smell of her sanity.
The demons are gone, but now it's all me.

The beautiful tragedy of light on a graveyard,
A seeping silence of endless nights,
A fairy who dances through thoughts of her weeping
And thrives upon her stinging tears.

She shrieks and it laughs as it breathes on her neck -
The madness of time ebbing away.
Sensing fear, the fairy, with claws on its hands,
Coaxes demons from the moonlit air.

It's evil, it's nonsense, it's haunting all thought,
But she's bleeding and frantic, unsure.
If she tears out her demons then what will be left?
But empty, lost feelings, and scars.

Come find me and we'll fly away,
Keeping hurt and fear at bay
As we float towards stars and land on the moon,
admiring the Earth from our cosy cocoon.

No consequences,
Free from responsibility,
Liberated from menial life.

Who said that Death was a Physical Impossibility in the Minds of the Living?

'I don't know what love is.'
You say now.
But I heard you,
You said, 'I Love You.'
I knew it wasn't true.

I am left here. Alone
With my imaginary, serious love.
And sitting in the back of the car,
sitting in the back of the car makes me nervous.

There they were
Dancing through the darkness,
Laughing at the moon.

There she was,
Her features glinting in the half-light
Reflected in his gleaming eyes.

There he was,
Twirling her around his arms
Like the ebb and flow of a tide.

Worshippers of night,
They glanced at the sun as he spilt his light
Over the horizon, and fled.

I like poetry - I'm a fan,
Sounds illegitimate, but really I am.
Some of it rhyming, some of it not,
Some of it full of the feelings we've got.
I like it quite lyrical, sometimes satirical,
And yes, I'm aware it's much less than a miracle,
But I hear you lay beats and over the top
You rhyme like professionals - really top-notch.
Not being sarcastic, I'm really impressed,
And if I had more then I'd likely invest.
Sadly life ain't so easy,
Much less than breezy,
You do more than just please me,
Please resist the urge to tease me.
I respect you for more than your rhyming
'Cos poetry's about much more than timing.

And so with parting hugs and tear stained goodbyes we set off on our different paths,
Never again to laugh and cry and joke and confide as we have with each other.
It is the end of an era. The true end of childhood.

Our memories, now dearer than ever, haunt us every waking hour;
And during the dark nights we find we cannot sleep,
For we are filled with hope and fear as we enter into the new world,
Terrifyingly and completely alone.

Down we go, dutifully down.
Our faces only wear a frown
Or emotionless they crash and fall,
Because real feelings are so small.
Who cares, right?
Who gives a ****?
We do, we care. Oh what bad luck.

A shadow of Doubt creeps up behind.
We don’t intend to be unkind,
But unaware of what it means
We blunder through and tear the seams.
We’re sorry, ok?
Are we to blame?
The truth, we fear, will bear our name.

Oh we, oh why, a blissful blunder
Has yet again turned into thunder.

Your heavy head,
My heavy heart.
Your too-long tongue,
And too short start
In life that was but 5 years long.
I won't believe that now you're gone.

Your greeting tail's
A silly length
So you must wag
With all your strength.
Your eyes filled up with hopefullness
Of love returned to you by guests.

Our mountain lion,
Our baby pup,
You've gone from here.
We're all cut up,
We love you so, we always will.
To have you here was such a thrill.
This love we shared with friends as well,
Our snuffly, snorting, smooshy girl.

See pets are best,
They understand,
No matter what
They hold your hand.
They sit with you
When no-one's there,
They've been with you
Through all despair.

Taz, I miss you everywhere.