As I stare threw the human minds I suddenly begin to dream
Of  being told "I like you too" in the voice that's so serene.
I continue to gaze upon your face then you turn your back to me
Hope, love, bonds, friendship; are all inside my scene.
Your passion, your voice, are all so far, so very far from here
My mind goes blank, but then it wilds, as I pray you do not hear.
But still I sit and dream about you, and that I pray, is clear.
_

'07

In the woods, a blank child sits,
As birds scream and dead leaves fall.
The child, torn with clothes in bits,
Listens for her Seraphs call.
A crow of allure lands in her view,
Deceptions gaze pierces her mind.
Its eyes flash with an orange hue,
And beckons the rest of its kind.
Still, the child patiently waits,
While vultures crave her essence.
She knows the vicious are irate,
At all her acquiescence.
At last the resonance is heard,
And the child rises at its cry.
Fierce eyes of blue engulf the bird,
Forcing the enticement to the sky.

Complete, the child kneels and begins to pray,
While in secrecy, wishes the birds to stay.
_

'08

Mister, can you hear me?
As I call to you in this nights smolder.
Mister, please stop,
I can't feel anything anymore.
I lay here, in your arms,
Struggling in the snow.
Your heat is radiating,
And I'm burning in your shadow.
I push against your body,
Responding with a crack,
My head is now on fire,
With red stains upon your lap.
Mister, are you done?
You've left me here in fear.
The snow flakes fall as ashes,
Melting in my tears.
_

'10

Black jeans, skin tight,
Are wrapped around your legs.
Oh how they show off your figure.
And how it makes me want you
In every way.

Your body is hard, like stone,
But your skin is soft and smooth.
I touch and feel those hips of yours,
and I'm gasping,
Do you want me too?

Your arms are sleek and fast,
Your fists, so strong, break bones.
The shadows define your muscle,
And they make it so hard,
For me to say no.

Black hair, long and straight,
Accents your chizzled face.
Your eyes are pure seduction,
And oh that dark, dark smirk,
Makes me ******* fate.
_

'10

When you look up at the ceiling,
As you lay in your bed,
What is it that you see?
Do you see the cracked and peeling paint,
The water damage stains,
The tarnishes of time and neglect?
What is it that you see as you stare upon your ceiling?
It has been days since your gaze left the above.
What are you looking for?
Are you looking for that one little area,
That is still pure in its color?
That is free of spoil and coated in care?
You lay there, motionless, staring.
Searching, in your own creation,
Agonizingly probing your aged canvas,
In fear that that's all you'll ever see.
Ever know.
But you search, and you search,
You scan every inch of that ceiling,
In hopes of a small, blank slate of plaster,
In which to smother yourself in.
In which to call home.
_

'10

Hello Darling.
I see you've met my coffin.
Her name is Death.
And she welcomes me.

Hello Darling.
I see you've read my will.
It rips as it goes by.
And it screams mendacity.

Hello Darling.
I see you've read my tombstone.
You sound "My Dearest Darling."
And it cackles in revulsion.

Hello Darling.
I see you've hung yourself.
You twist and contort in the truth.
And it tells you Death by Darling.
_

'08

I'm obsessed with the ideA
I'm enraged by the lack                      
I want it for m[y]self
S[o] I can j[u]st feel.
Feel it in my body
Live it in my mind
Caress me with the REality
That maybe one day it can find

Me.
_________________­___

It'll never be.
What you want it to be.
Everything seems perfect.
From the other side.
And when you get there,
It's nothing like you thought.
Nothing.
Never is, never was
Never will be.

Get used to it

-
'11

Touch me, kiss me, love me, hate me.
I want it all and I want more.
Louder, harder, faster, stronger.
I want it all and I want it longer.
No breaks.
No breather.
Just touch me, pull me, throw me,
Love me.
All night, all day, every week, every way.
I want you all to me, and I want you
To take me.
Push it baby, push it farther,
Don't stop now, it's just getting harder.
Grab me, squeeze me, feel me, hurt me.
I want to feel like I feel inside.
Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me.
Love me.
_

'10

In the house of God I lay,
Waiting for my Lord to take me there.
That place in which we are forbidden,
But of it, are constantly aware.
Dressed of faith in black and white,
My savior takes my hand.
He lays me on the altars' steps,
And tells me his demands.
"In this game we're about to play,
You shall be thy sister.
In beliefs, heart, soul, and blood,
Bounded like a twister.
In the eyes of the Lord now,
I shall make you mine.
We must sin here in ecstasy,
Acting out our crime."
I say my prayers, and close my eyes,
Waiting for his blessings.
A blessing cursed with wicked glee,
And also me *******.
As nun and priest we give ourselves,
To not only God, but to each other,
We're not really who we say we are,
But I still love him as my brother.

So, I’m just a. . .friend.
I’m just your down to earth buddy that keeps you company.
Makes you laugh. Makes you happy. Keeps a smile on your face.
So I’m just your friend.
I’m always just the. . .friend.
And sure, I love friends. I’m so happy to have them.
I’m glad to make them laugh. Happy. Smile.
I love just having friends. . .and only friends.
I love making people feel better about themselves, or making their day just a little bit better.
But why though, am I always seen as just-
a friend.
Never anything more. . .never even thought of.
And sure, I’ll get the once in a lifetime friend.
That has considered it. But why is it always someone I-
Just want to be friends with.
And I turn them away. And I hate it.
I hate knowing that someone actually saw something in me.
That they thought of me more than just a friend.
But I can’t feel the same way. And I feel guilty and angry and sad and I just want to run up to you and apologize with everything that’s in me and tell you that I want to be more than just your friend but I cant--!
I hate it. I loathe it. I hate that I can’t make myself feel that way.
I hate hurting my friends.
I hate turning them away.
So please, my friends.
Always think of me as just--
Your friend.
Nothing more, nothing less.
And find someone else that can give you more than my friendship. . .
Ever could.
Because, forever, eternal, I’ll always be just. . .
A friend.
_

'o7

Stop, no, what are you doing?
I didn't want to be locked this way.
My hands, cuffed, are already bruising.
This is not how I wanted to play.
The room is black, so why did you blind me?
With a leather mask and a lock and a key.
I'm somewhere so dark, they will never find me.
And I'm wrapped so tight I'll never get free.
Stop, no, don't leave me here!
The door slams, and the key twists twice.
Ensnared inside, I am locked in fear.
In an infinite game of vulnerable vice.
_

'10

She walked along the rivers bend and there she saw a face,
A face she never saw before but still she stopped her pace.
She looked at her into her eyes whoes sheer was crystal blue,
And then she walked oh so closer to the rivers hue.
And as she walked to the end the face began to glow,
But when she neared the rivers end the face began to low.
She ran up to the rivers bend and peered within the water,
She plunged her hand, moved about, reached around, and caught her.
But when she saw what she caught she let go with gasp,
For that unfamiliar face was her, drowning with a laugh.
_

'o6

Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks for the love.
Thanks for the care.
Thanks for keeping me miserable.
While trying to repair.

I am great full.
You are kind.
I am screaming.
You are blind.

"He is a liar."
"He is a fake."
Shut the **** up.
"Mistake. Mistake."

I know what I want.
I know what I am.
I know what you are.
There is a plan.

Know that I love you.
Know that I care.
I show you my punishment.
My pride. Our despair.

The distance is great.
This distance is long...
It is painful.
Unrelenting
Merciless. Strong.

But,
Our future is stronger.
Our future is pure.
It is just in our grasp.
Patience; the Cure.
_

'08

This pain in my heart,
I haven't felt it
In a while.
There is a breaking, tearing, surging
Feeling in my chest
From the thought of saying goodbye.
Goodbye, only for a little while,
But the heart doesn't keep track of time.
The heart just feels what is now,
And now, I'm saying goodbye.
Goodbye, my love, and even though I'll see you soon,
The heart doesn't know that,
And it aches for the touch of you.
Good luck, I'll miss you,
And everyone else will too.
You'll never be alone.
The heart doesn't know that though,
And it cries out for us from you.
I love you honey, so much it hurts to say,
But the heart doesn't know you're coming back
So it hurts to say I love you, anyway.
My heart knows I love you, and it knows you love me too.
But it doesn't know when you'll be home, so it aches,
And aches for you.
_

'10

Oh, how I wish I could get you back.
They way you used to look,
Act,
Think,
Smile.
I wish I could get it back.
The way you used to touch me,
Kiss me,
Hold me,
Love me.
How I want it all for me.

I want you to hold me in your arms,
like it used to be.
I want to feel your soft, warm skin.
And I want to kiss your pink, parted lips.
As they whisper "I love you",
In my ear.

I miss the way it was.
Such tenderness and passion.
I felt so loved inside your arms.
I never wanted to leave.
Never once did I fear you,
All there was was trust.
But now,
Now...

All I can ever think about,
Is how you used to be.
_

'10

Never have my eyes
Seen so much sadness.
Never have these eyes
Seen so deeply into
An enigma of finesse.

Your bones are of silver,
Destructive yet divine.
Your strength from a father,
Your safety aligned.
Your blood is of iron,
The veins are now rusted.
But your heart is still running,
With love now entrusted.

An infant of ignorance,
A child of sorrow.
The young man of dreams,
Your hopes for tomorrow.
A meeting of chance, the southside and diner
Such an innocent way,
For love to acquire.

But now the leaves have gone missing,
The trees, filled with death
Have blocked out the sunshine,
And pierced the pearls chest.
The young man of dreams
With the cracked pearl in heart,
Looks into the mountain
And screams in the dark.

But the fire never fades, and the heart, still pumping
Flows fast and determined,
To keep them from crumpling.
The pearl cries softly, trapped in her mind.
But strong hands protect her
And kind words breathe, “time”.

The white snowfall stops twice,
The sweet spring sings again,
And again.
The long summer rains for two.
But only once does the autumn wind,
Bring October to its end.

A young man of dreams,
With the pearl in his hands,
An inevitable season,
With freedoms demand.
Together, finale,
The pearl is released.
And over the mountain they kiss,
Forever in peace.
_

'08