I sit.  
You sit next to me.
I feel your warmth.
The sun shines.
Hugging us.
I listen to life holding me.
Like a mother.
I cry.
We get up.
We walk together.
So pleased with everything.
I am proud and tired.
I listen to you and your mother.
I am happy again.

There I was believing  that the bruised back I knew to be mine was indeed a sign of failure. When in fact all it meant was that I was alive. Oh Death how oddly you choose to reveal yourself to me. Tonight you embrace me as a long lost love. Tomorrow you may devour me like some wild beast. Either way all the while I am screaming, "Come forth mother of mercy that I might be made whole! Let me  behold your sweet revelations! Oh Pain I adore you! Oh Life I am your witness! To Love I am a husband and to Death I am a slave!" Truth, my eternal thirst. I find the waters of her love waiting and drown myself happily in the joy of her bed.

Honestly every time you think of me my ears begin to ring, as if this life decides to make me aware that somewhere out there in the thickness of the air you have displaced the sacred woven fabrics of time and space, they have just been shaken, and the waves of your thoughts ripple straight through this world to settle within me, my acknowledgment of this is simple, I say ah, there you are, i am glad you are here, in fact I have missed you. Your are my old friend, I have been through many doors, my feet have stepped over many different places, I have been in the presence of God and Devils and have lived through the changing times and seasons of my life and in each of my many moments of pain and sorrow and while in the grips of my sometimes child like wonder I have carried the joy of you, of knowing you, of being close to you within my heart, through the many dark valleys I have wandered through and up each mountain that I have been forced to climb, you are with me. You are my compass that leads me back to myself, you are my water when I am dieing of thirst, you are my shade tree when I am weary and you are my love when I feel alone. This to me is a wonder that I have tried to understand from the very moment you chose to give me your love. I have turned the miracle of your devotion to me over in my heart, I have examined it from every angle with the eye of my mind and still I am forced each time to concede that I have no way of understanding this thing you call your love and because I can find no reason for you giving this precious gift so freely into my hands i am sometimes overwhelmed by it. Your love can enter a room like a lion or it can be as gentle as a breeze but each time I witness the evidence of your spirit I am given back a piece of myself and I feel whole again, I feel peace that I had almost forgotten, You remind me of what life can really be, because I so often forget the simple miracle of being here beside you in time. Many days I forget to simply breath, and I am caught up in the sorrow of life's obstacles, there are days when everything and everyone seems to be too close to me and I become angry, and sad, and self involved, I forget myself and become lost in the worries of being. You help me to lose my selfish pity, and you bring me back to the foundation of my mind. There I find the truth I once knew so completely, that life is only what I make it out to be, and that my happiness can be found in something as simple as your eyes.

You gave me the greatest moment of my life when you wiped the tears from my eyes.
No one but my mother had ever done that for me.
In that moment I knew that you loved me and that I would always love you.

Harm no one, the inevitable thought of a miniscule Agamemnon,
The insufferable, the pious, the deceiver,
And the devout, the sheep, the lamb,
Lead me I follow, Follow me I will train you,
Despicable, For here there is only nothingness disguised as a cruel sacrifice,
I believe in nothing, in circles, in patterns, in physics, in atoms within atoms, in life that studies itself,
I believe in the arts, in music, in poetry, in dreams that are breathed into existence through an artists touch,
I believe in family, in pure love, in unconditional acceptance, in forgiveness and the cultivation of hope,
I believe in people, who's emotions rage like the sea, who's ideas raise whole cities, who's dreams are to find peace and understanding, who sometimes are misled but are never beyond the good within themselves,
I believe in life, in growth, in the earth, the mother of us all and the sun, the father that watches his children basking in his warmth, I believe in trees that give us oxygen and water that gives us life.
And so I believe in the underdog, the unseen, the overlooked, the underrated, and the unappreciated, I believe in the here and now, the present moment, the kiss, the dance, the wine, and the open hand. There is nothing of your cold religion, or your angry god that I need. Because life is all around me and beauty is in all things here and now and forever.
Space spirals on and the river of time still flows in all directions, it is eternal this holy thing and it is without end, no mans demonic godhead will ever bring it down and this disease called religion will eventually be cured.

today was another day,
I woke up to your text messages of longing and love,
I read each one and then deleted them all, No more they screamed from the ramparts of my heart,
I went outside for a smoke and in between each drag my mind reflected on your moments with me,
I go inside and eat and then begin to work out, and still my heart does not forget your voice,
Sometimes the ghost of your love becomes too much to bear and I cry, behind doors, alone; I cry and wipe the tears away and continue to live,
You send me pictures of us smiling, you in the wedding dress I took you to try on, radiant and beautiful,
Still to this day I dont know what we were doing, we went to the mall and you tried on those dresses, we made up a story to tell the woman working there about how we were going to get married, how we had it all planned, how everyone would be there and how wonderful it would all be, how the only thing left to do was find the right dress, and so you picked them out and tried them on, each one more beautiful then the next,
I remember how out of all the fancy ones with bright shiny things on them I liked the plain white one the most because it was all your natural beauty would allow, I remember how you beamed behind your veil and how in that moment you were my source of joy and belonging.
Afterwards you took the dress off and came out dressed as you were before and still I saw you in that dress. We walked hand in hand and then drove home, each of us happy and in love, and still that night as we made love I saw you in that dress.
And now as I cry and write and smoke, when I think of you, I see you in a dress of white, smiling behind your veil and saying you love me.

Rising hands raising mountains,
Bleeding hearts flood rivers,
Sound waves smash buildings,
And the bass on this beat goes right to my soul,
Like stepping on air, getting higher, going farther, I could fly, I know I could,
If I could only remember how,
This girl, shes on my mind like a subliminal message just burning into me,
As I drive, shifting gears shes singing to me, her haunting message of her love for me,
Her love is scary, her love is brutal, her love is pure and dangerous,
Her love is a drug that im addicted to,
I drive faster, trying to leave her ghost behind,
But shes still there, her memory growing stronger with time.
And so I drive faster,
I drive faster, and I run,
I push faster, I drive faster, from that love,
You dont know me, You cant know me
You dont love me, Your no one,
And so I drive, And so I run,
Because you cant love me, You dont know me,
Just like everyone,
You'll never love me, You'll never know me,
I wont let you,
And I run.

Breathing fast, will this last?
these pains seem to grow every minute,
and your face confesses that you feel it too,
you take what you want, and so do I,
so why does it feel like we're still lookin' for a bad guy?
someone to blame for the shame and the pain,
every time I say just go with it, you put your head down, you put your heart out and say see what you killed?
Im not a murderer, its a suicide,
you have nightmares and those horses trample my good intentions,
my grateful ambitions, my blood flow religion,
your like an angel and Im the devil and you were all too willing,
so sell your soul, I promise to keep it safe with all the others I take each and everyday,
rushing light from the speakers these notes have colors just as vivid as your eyes,
tonight I wouldnt want to have anyone else when I start to ride high,
we can dance, they can watch,
you can drink and laugh, they can all want you,
because at the end of it all you leave with me,
we go back home and I set your body free.

As the night rushes by I stop and think,
****, Where would I be right now without your love?
****, Who would I be right now without your touch?
This is real, This thing we share,
This could heal, These words you hear,
I love our time,
I love our rhyme,
Baby you blessed my life with your presence,
You killed my fears with your kisses,
Your my breath, your my dreams,
Your everything about me that I knew I could be,
And all I know is I want you here next me,
Believe me,
This is real,
This love is real.

Black shards of ambition cover this world of right now people,
they drown in sighs of worry over Christmas, and birthdays and races for no good reason,
These mewing children mourn the loss of people they never knew and miss the places that they've never been to.
We prayed no, we prayed someday, we prayed right now and still the hurricanes hit, still the earth rumbles, still the fires burn and still our people go hungry.
The water is running dry, the oil blood of our earth runs dry, love runs dry, stability runs dry.
The children of earth say that this is not good.
But what do children really know about the ancient space they inhabit?
Fear is for sale, plastered on the sides of buildings, screamed from behind pulpits and at press meetings, thrown into entertainment and song and sold at a price we all can afford.
We seek an answer to questions that we manifest on our own.
We want to answer ourselves, to say that we know,
And to solve a puzzle that exist only for ourselves and because of ourselves

There is a comforting thought in the community of others,
The revelation of freedom dwelling in the shared thoughts and feeling of our people always seems to comfort the soul,
Humanity is sharing, is coming together, is the light of new conversation and ideas,
Is confessing experience and thought,
Among the suspension of reason that each new word brings we somehow find ourselves,
We are liberated, and yes even justified in the raw testimony of our convictions.
I am human, our words say,
I am here beside you in time, our very presence screams at the witnesses of our being,
And Yes! I too have seen this reality and am willing to speak the personal truths of my existence!
Oh brotherhood of humanity!
I am! and I know no other way to be!

The music sends shivers through my spine,
My teeth feel like foreign objects in my mouth,
I run my tongue over them, exploring their smooth hard surfaces, as if for the first time,
My head throbs and pulses, I feel the blood running through my veins,
The smallest of lights is brutally piercing to my eyes, and colors seem richer and deeper.
I thought,"If I touched that grass or picked up that flower, its colors would get all over my hands I bet". The thought made me smile, colors are also felt...somehow I knew this to be true.
I can feel every touch, every sensation, more vividly now than at any other time.
I am connected,
I am being.

Electric, Distilled, Blown away Tuesday, Born again beneath your smooth skin and hot breaths upon my face, you stare down at me like some african goddess as you shiver and sway and rotate your hips of salvation upon me, and all my sins are forgiven each time you cry out my name. I need no god, I need no creed, I need no other beliefs as long as I have you to worship, my beautiful redemption, afterwards as we eat fruit, you smile and ask, "Round two?".

straight at the sun and my eyes are going numb,
screaming at the top of my lungs,
im done,
my nerves strewn on digital signs shining down like sweet salvation in release,
lines divided as im stalling cause im bored now,
i cant thrive on ******* empty reasons,
lying down straight back to where i was,
and slipping in my art breaks out and i get lost again,
inhale, inhale, and im on top again, so begin,
vision blurring,
my distant future turning,
i can see that im not this way,
i can see that im not afraid to just be,
break back kid cause its got the motivation,
its up there behind that horizon,
slipping down into the cup and through those spirals across that sacred ground, you drink heavy voodoo poison,
you blow apart your mind and time,
you fly low and feel free, you live in the smile,
power,
you know the power of freedom.

so up from yesterday,
riding by, and tonight i fly high,
searching for the lines and dials,
lights casting shadows on the wall,
they burn blue and green eternally into the memory,
fingers dash across images,
running away across smiles and angles,
merging together the past,
sewing all these frozen moments into a strange canvas across my eager eyes,
hungry and pitiful,
deep sorrow and unrealized happiness fall in light upon my darkened face,
illuminating the minutes and seconds that are my age,
sleep in harmony and glowing,
i swim in music and darkness,
lovingly i am taken for a short time, until once again i will rise, and then remember

So I feel like flyin all rage and rushing blood,
picking you up and taking you away to anyplace I'd know you'd be safe,
no wait that's not what I meant to say,
I feel like a painter,
my body aches,
my canvas bleeding out all the moments we could make,
no that's not it,
I feel like a dog with panting tongue and wagging tail who just won't stay....still?
how can I explain what it means to feel this way?
Like a boy at Christmas or on his birthday?
I want to open the gift of your eyes?
Your smile?
Your thighs?
No too sophmoric, no too fat, no too general,
shyly a lioness approaches a gazel and asks politely if she could eat him and then still feels guilty afterwards,
your hair leads the way to a wailing of angels as they die,
this is why I want to consume your beauty, quite simply I am greedy for your curves,
any sense of these words?
or numb?
Any smile?
Please do, I love it,
please sigh or moan... or both.

We glide and turn down dim lit dance ways as light reflects off her beaming face,
I am home tonight in this still warm air of tobacco essence and wine illumination,
do you believe in happiness?
Do you believe in joy?
In red soft glows of silent rejoicing and the triumph of moments too loud to ignore?
Do you believe in haunting devils and mirrors of silver liquor and powders that bring freedom with shackles in tow?
How about friends with daggers with sharpened tips and a place between your ribs to go?
About it all, its true,
rest assured, I could give it all to you down a broad and easy road,
just one, two, three as you step down with me through this graveyard of still images and the not so happy laughter I’ve come to know.

What's wrong little blue bird?
Pulse,
heart beating and bleeding,
little blue litter bug crying on my napkin on this park table in a storm,
the wind blows your hair and the dead leaves caress our faces as you lay all of heavens secrets at my feet,
I care,
I always have,
about all those tears that weave their paths across your cheek.

I still think of you every day
I still remember your light
I still remember your pain
I still remember the promises that we made
I still regret that it all went away
I still miss your lips across my neck
I still miss your breath upon my face
I still wish you were here with me and I still have the heart that you gave

my hands, their so *****, my hands, their so bruised,
I hate the scars that you call tattoos,
I hate each time you crush the feelings I have for you,
I hate the fact that you proclaim your desire to have me around, because I know its just to fill all the free time that you seem to have found,
you ***** and moan and smoke cigarettes in the sun but when I try to speak the truth that’s when you run, youd cry if I ever left and youd laugh if I called you love,
bittersweet, bittersweet,
you’ve been drowning for years while ive been watching from above,
bitter tears, friendship and fear, why is it so hard to tell you im done?  
I feel lost, and I feel joy,
I have moments to tell and words to lay my soul upon,
I set them down gently upon an ocean of air,
sometimes they find their way to peoples hearts and do their damage,
the evidence is in their laughter,
in their anger,
in their tears,
you don’t understand she said,
you don’t know,
I thought I could be happy she said, just this once I thought it would be alright,
and now I’m supposed to pretend, Im supposed to pretend not to care,
not to want you,
not to be upset,
you don’t understand, for a little while I was happy.

I wrote you a letter she said as we were walking hand in hand upon the gravel road leading to the bridge with its dark waters below. She says this so nervously and with a small smile upon her lips. I didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened. She says almost guiltily. She pulls it out and awkwardly hands it to me as if she is worried she wont be able to give it to me later because she would lose her nerve. In that moment my heart breaks and I am a small child again. Oh, I say, thank you, I say, but really I want to pick her up and kiss her face and tell her I love her more than any other before her, either that or run away and hide from her. We walk to the bridge in the night and we climb down its bank and find a spot in the darkness beneath it. I set my bag down and take out the spray cans and began to paint hell and heaven and earth upon the bridges concrete underbelly by the glow of a flash light we had brought. Here, I say, I got this color for you, and as I hand her the can she says she just wants to watch me for a while. After a few minutes she picks up the can and begins to carve out her own piece on the bridge. I am secretly proud of her for doing this but don’t say anything. She paints a heart and then her initial. She is pleasantly surprised by her own skill and lets me know it. I continue my own work and had forgotten all about the letter until I hear her voice softly in my ear. I want you to read it she says. I want you to read what I have written to you. Oh yeah? I say, you don’t want me to wait? No she says, I did want you to wait at first but I cant wait, I want you to read it now. She is impatient, and nervous, and amazingly beautiful. I take it out and unfold the pages, she moves around nervously as I begin. Her words speak of love and trust, of never feeling the way she did now. They cry out with her heart and cut my soul in two. The whole time she watches me as I am ripped to pieces in the dark, underneath that bridge. She spoke of all the things I never wanted to hear because I could not love her in the way that was laid out upon that pale, white page. I wrote you a letter she said, to tell you how I feel. I am brought low by the unbridled honesty on the page. With all the misspelled words and clumsy attempts at expressing what she felt so strongly in her heart. I am destroyed by her love. Its so hard ,she says to me then, to watch you walk away, and so easy to let you back in. Later as we lie awake in her bed, I stare into her eyes and see only sadness. What baby? I ask, whats wrong? Im just waiting she says, waiting for you to leave again. I wrote you a letter, she says. And I want you to read it right now.

From inside I fly,
led by a beam of light shining from my eye,
green and alive it takes me home tonight,
I float on soft hands and searching smiles across a sea of shadows called ministers and prophets of the wild,
a silent tidal wave of every dream and curse I speed across so rapidly into a star about to burst,
I die again in love with every part of some cosmic disarray,
in the shape of a beating heart.

What are u thinking coming back here again?
you know they don't open the tears for just anyone here,
beside the steel surfaces and sterile white rooms,
the creaking wheels and bleached air,
the brain burns brighter here with padding on every inch so you can have fun with it,
don't go chasing that rabbit don't go running those wheels in your eyes again
they look like little hollow moon surfaces,
I picked up your heart-felt wishes as they melted from your face,
I locked them in my soul so I could keep them safe,
I'm running into time and breaking all my strings,
I can't afford new ones, I can't afford anything,
I'm lonely now just like I've always been and it hasn’t gotten any easier to show new people in,
they laugh at the dog and try to kick in the ribs,
alleys feel like home and demons like friends,
where is this again? What day am I in?

Horse hog beatle eatin mad hair spinning wandering Druid in rags and rage from some untold war,
sweat and secrets in the dust of a sleeve,
the shadows tell of souls that fell and are held in bags, the trophies of the dead,
grim times grim place, a stain, a beard, a violent gleam in an honest eye,
flying eyes with wings that carry we I to salvation known to be see-through truths,
step out of the alley and we call attention to the rips in pockets,
loose girls, loose change, loose lips lose everything,
I will not return, I will not be held,
I will not be judged by sawdust filled domes resting on water bags like rotting fruit still on the vine,
it's almost like the sunshine could be brought down and called mine, again,
every time I see that smile I dance a hundred times on the grave,
my ultimate dream slave,
my body calls once and I move on,
I'm always moving on towards another drawn dawn,
another card burnt into the table,
straying is my way of saying this is real, this is done before my feet hit the ground,
why should I rush the fun of coming undone?
Of sliding down to run up and hang a crow on my brown burnt brimmed hat and sit on a fence watching Him play a tune and learn to lose as He leads those lambs to their doom,
spitin and listenin to that mad burglar spinnin old brews that sleeps the jury and the suits and the brats that cry morning dew on my shoulder,
who says that the road is long? It's just a little dusty and walked on!
Tappin my way to the sky, tappin my way to some sunny day in your eyes, baby blue eyes I can't help but smile, you can't blame me if I smile.