I sit.  
You sit next to me.
I feel your warmth.
The sun shines.
Hugging us.
I listen to life holding me.
Like a mother.
I cry.
We get up.
We walk together.
So pleased with everything.
I am proud and tired.
I listen to you and your mother.
I am happy again.

There I was believing  that the bruised back I knew to be mine was indeed a sign of failure. When in fact all it meant was that I was alive. Oh Death how oddly you choose to reveal yourself to me. Tonight you embrace me as a long lost love. Tomorrow you may devour me like some wild beast. Either way all the while I am screaming, "Come forth mother of mercy that I might be made whole! Let me  behold your sweet revelations! Oh Pain I adore you! Oh Life I am your witness! To Love I am a husband and to Death I am a slave!" Truth, my eternal thirst. I find the waters of her love waiting and drown myself happily in the joy of her bed.

Honestly every time you think of me my ears begin to ring, as if this life decides to make me aware that somewhere out there in the thickness of the air you have displaced the sacred woven fabrics of time and space, they have just been shaken, and the waves of your thoughts ripple straight through this world to settle within me, my acknowledgment of this is simple, I say ah, there you are, i am glad you are here, in fact I have missed you. Your are my old friend, I have been through many doors, my feet have stepped over many different places, I have been in the presence of God and Devils and have lived through the changing times and seasons of my life and in each of my many moments of pain and sorrow and while in the grips of my sometimes child like wonder I have carried the joy of you, of knowing you, of being close to you within my heart, through the many dark valleys I have wandered through and up each mountain that I have been forced to climb, you are with me. You are my compass that leads me back to myself, you are my water when I am dieing of thirst, you are my shade tree when I am weary and you are my love when I feel alone. This to me is a wonder that I have tried to understand from the very moment you chose to give me your love. I have turned the miracle of your devotion to me over in my heart, I have examined it from every angle with the eye of my mind and still I am forced each time to concede that I have no way of understanding this thing you call your love and because I can find no reason for you giving this precious gift so freely into my hands i am sometimes overwhelmed by it. Your love can enter a room like a lion or it can be as gentle as a breeze but each time I witness the evidence of your spirit I am given back a piece of myself and I feel whole again, I feel peace that I had almost forgotten, You remind me of what life can really be, because I so often forget the simple miracle of being here beside you in time. Many days I forget to simply breath, and I am caught up in the sorrow of life's obstacles, there are days when everything and everyone seems to be too close to me and I become angry, and sad, and self involved, I forget myself and become lost in the worries of being. You help me to lose my selfish pity, and you bring me back to the foundation of my mind. There I find the truth I once knew so completely, that life is only what I make it out to be, and that my happiness can be found in something as simple as your eyes.

You gave me the greatest moment of my life when you wiped the tears from my eyes.
No one but my mother had ever done that for me.
In that moment I knew that you loved me and that I would always love you.

Harm no one, the inevitable thought of a miniscule Agamemnon,
The insufferable, the pious, the deceiver,
And the devout, the sheep, the lamb,
Lead me I follow, Follow me I will train you,
Despicable, For here there is only nothingness disguised as a cruel sacrifice,
I believe in nothing, in circles, in patterns, in physics, in atoms within atoms, in life that studies itself,
I believe in the arts, in music, in poetry, in dreams that are breathed into existence through an artists touch,
I believe in family, in pure love, in unconditional acceptance, in forgiveness and the cultivation of hope,
I believe in people, who's emotions rage like the sea, who's ideas raise whole cities, who's dreams are to find peace and understanding, who sometimes are misled but are never beyond the good within themselves,
I believe in life, in growth, in the earth, the mother of us all and the sun, the father that watches his children basking in his warmth, I believe in trees that give us oxygen and water that gives us life.
And so I believe in the underdog, the unseen, the overlooked, the underrated, and the unappreciated, I believe in the here and now, the present moment, the kiss, the dance, the wine, and the open hand. There is nothing of your cold religion, or your angry god that I need. Because life is all around me and beauty is in all things here and now and forever.
Space spirals on and the river of time still flows in all directions, it is eternal this holy thing and it is without end, no mans demonic godhead will ever bring it down and this disease called religion will eventually be cured.

today was another day,
I woke up to your text messages of longing and love,
I read each one and then deleted them all, No more they screamed from the ramparts of my heart,
I went outside for a smoke and in between each drag my mind reflected on your moments with me,
I go inside and eat and then begin to work out, and still my heart does not forget your voice,
Sometimes the ghost of your love becomes too much to bear and I cry, behind doors, alone; I cry and wipe the tears away and continue to live,
You send me pictures of us smiling, you in the wedding dress I took you to try on, radiant and beautiful,
Still to this day I dont know what we were doing, we went to the mall and you tried on those dresses, we made up a story to tell the woman working there about how we were going to get married, how we had it all planned, how everyone would be there and how wonderful it would all be, how the only thing left to do was find the right dress, and so you picked them out and tried them on, each one more beautiful then the next,
I remember how out of all the fancy ones with bright shiny things on them I liked the plain white one the most because it was all your natural beauty would allow, I remember how you beamed behind your veil and how in that moment you were my source of joy and belonging.
Afterwards you took the dress off and came out dressed as you were before and still I saw you in that dress. We walked hand in hand and then drove home, each of us happy and in love, and still that night as we made love I saw you in that dress.
And now as I cry and write and smoke, when I think of you, I see you in a dress of white, smiling behind your veil and saying you love me.

Rising hands raising mountains,
Bleeding hearts flood rivers,
Sound waves smash buildings,
And the bass on this beat goes right to my soul,
Like stepping on air, getting higher, going farther, I could fly, I know I could,
If I could only remember how,
This girl, shes on my mind like a subliminal message just burning into me,
As I drive, shifting gears shes singing to me, her haunting message of her love for me,
Her love is scary, her love is brutal, her love is pure and dangerous,
Her love is a drug that im addicted to,
I drive faster, trying to leave her ghost behind,
But shes still there, her memory growing stronger with time.
And so I drive faster,
I drive faster, and I run,
I push faster, I drive faster, from that love,
You dont know me, You cant know me
You dont love me, Your no one,
And so I drive, And so I run,
Because you cant love me, You dont know me,
Just like everyone,
You'll never love me, You'll never know me,
I wont let you,
And I run.