Oh Lucy. We meet again huh? Your crimson colored nails that held a cigarette between them. You always seem to find your way back to me. Back then, even when I was filled with false emnity. Oh do you remember me? Do you remember who I was before you gave me an identity? Is this even a reality? I was the boy who crushed roses between his teeth. The one who made you think there was something underneath. The boy who rolled trees inside of a leaf. Something strong to cling on to like an actual belief. But the cigarettes keep burning. You always tried to get me to smoke one. I almost said yes tonight. I almost burnt out like the sad, hanging courtyard lights. But maybe if I had taken it, I would've been alright. But I don't think I should always listen to my hindsight. I saw the smiley face she drew in the blanket. And she read the smile on my face like an open pamphlet. The experience machine that held my head, like the way she held your picture in her locket. Around her neck. And Lucy you had me feeling like much more than just some speck. The night still has to end. But that's why I am with my friends until I drop dead.

I almost said yes tonight.
I almost asked for a light.

She said "I just want all the things."
And I had to resist the urge to say,
"One day I'll buy you all the things."

Your eyes are easy to get lost in. Did you know that? Did you know that when you smile, the light shines at the perfect angle and the brown is just the most adorable? It's so contagious. There's something about it. But hey I guess sometimes all that glitters isn't gold. Things are too good to be true sometimes. Like the way the door opened but never closed and you said you'd never leave but you forgot to close the door. There's a certain feeling to that. To when you realize that the goodmorning texts begin to hiccup. They aren't very good anymore. It's just a morning. There's something to that. Like the way your favorite song isn't your favorite song any more. I guess that's what happened. But I found myself in somebody else's headphones. In someone else's bedtime playlist. I found myself lost in the warmth of a smile that rekindled the fire that died out so long ago. To the eyes that caught me at first sight. To the door that finally closed.

Can you feel the nostalgia in the air? Like someone lit off a firecracker in the back of your head and suddenly, time stops. There's an urgent whisper to the wind. And I swear it feels like the way you smile. Do you get it? It's warm. And true. There's a feeling to it that I thought I could never feel again. But I see it in the way you walk into the room. The way the cigarettes disappear out of my pack and I'm left with the upside down one. And I'm okay with it. I feel like I'm with you. Even when I'm not. And while everyone is looking at the moon hoping that someone is seeing what they see and wishing for what they want, I'm sitting on my porch watching my dog howl at the moon while the smoke howls at the wind. It's an exchange you see. There is nothing about it that doesn't seem worth it if it brings me closer to you. If maybe my wish could come true.

You ever see someone or something so beautiful you just stare? Like when you catch the sunset shining through the branches at just the right angle? Or like the old tree with the initials of time-worn lovers? I think it's like when the waves crash against the rocks. When you stick your head out of the sunroof on the highway. When you can feel the color blue. You are blue. They are blue. You don't realize it but you know what blue feels like. Think about the colors. Focus. Think about your next move. But not too much. Don't focus on the way her lips curve and how they're the same color as good red wine. Don't focus on her eyes where you see stars. But the really pretty ones where if you stare for a while they start changing colors. Remember way back what you did last time. But don't repeat it. Follow the stars. Love is not a playlist that can be looped and shuffled. It can only go on. They have to be your favorite artist. A mixtape called "Blue". Where each song takes you to a wide open field where flowers bloom. To the theatre where you saw everything you wanted in star-crossed lovers. The sun sets and the trees can't help but let the light flow right through them. Be like the trees. Strong. But let it happen. Because maybe it's just the right angle for once.

Hey! Do you remember me?
Because I remember you. The girl with the sunkissed cheeks that were as rosy as mine the first time I tried to forget.
Well I guess I should say each time, because that smile that rests in between those cheeks still hurts.
I don't like that hurt.
I try to drown the fire burning me up from the inside with more fire, hoping it wont hurt so bad anymore.
Hey, do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?
I want to say it happened.
I would like to say it happened.
I wonder if it happened.
Maybe it was something I felt but never recieved like the apology when you took a piece of me with you, without even leaving a note on the refrigerator.
And to this day, I wonder what piece that was.
I wonder if the fridge magnet with the picture of both of us that you took wouldve spelled it out.
Hey do you remember when we first met?
I can't remember anymore.
I remember a couple books and lots of blank stares, the sound of an air conditioner that barely worked.
That smile got me every time.
I remember when I first saw you and thought I knew where rainbows came from.
Or where ice cream comes from.
Where all things good come from!
Hey do you remember when I asked you what kind of music you listened to?
And you said everything.
And I said hey me too! Even though it probably wasn't really true.
Hey did you feel something when you left?
Did you feel like maybe you messed up?
Did you ever think you were okay but a couple hours later you find yourself under the covers feeling like nothing can help the spinning walls in your room that howl how they miss you?
Like that feeling where you feel like you forgot something, then convince yourself you have everything, and then a while later realize what you forgot and how stupid you are for not realizing?
Hey do you miss my rambling?
You said it made you laugh.
That you would never get tired of it.
Hey do you miss me?
I really miss you. Not often. But it comes and goes like the way everyone does, I guess.
I'm getting used to it.
I wish people would stay.
Hey do you think that this time, maybe just maybe, you could stay?

I keep hoping that when I wake up, I'll get a text from you saying "I was just kidding!"
I keep hoping that when I wake up, I'll get a text from you saying "I'm sorry."
I keep hoping that when I wake up, I'll get a text from you saying "I don't know what I was thinking."
I keep hoping that when I wake up, I'll get a text from you saying "I was stupid."
I keep hoping that when I wake up, I'll get a text from you saying "I miss you."
I keep hoping that when I wake up, I'll get a text from you saying "I love you."
I'm not a hopeful person but I hope that one day you understand I wanted to give the world to you.
I still do.