i am grateful for waterproof mascara;
and that i didn't let myself be stopped by the cold weather when i
decided to leave.
i am grateful that i have begun to forget your
teeth and started dreaming about
new grins.

with you again.
but, when i left you,
i felt everything (and nothing) all at once
and now i
can't
       stop
             touching you
whenever i get the chance and kissing you passionately (something i forgot about) and crying at the thought of you touching other girls.
i never thought i'd feel in love with you again
but i do
and i am
and i can't believe it's over.

our friendship was built on
broadripple and chicken wire
            stained clothing and bruised legs,
and i'm so sorry for that girl
who ruined your innocence
and for how i stood by because mine was already gone
and for how sometimes i raised my voice
and couldn't contain my sighs.

i'm sorry that things weren't always good or great or even okay
and that sometimes getting out of bed was hard
and that 
sometimes
                   nothing felt right.

and i'm so glad whenever you smile

i have a habit of
forming habits of
doing the same thing
until i feel safe

you are made of lines;
straight, or curved
sometimes
                even
parabolic.

you told me i had forgotten my own mannerisms
that i didn't tilt my head when
i told you how to make me ***, didn't
interrupt my own thoughts
or roll my eyes when
i said that you weren't even close
(but maybe you just forgot
to notice
the new ones.)

i'm
losing inches from my spine;
losing space inside my mind.