Please don't make this stop
before were were this
you were my best friend.

Before I said the word
we were sleeping over in the same bed
we watched movies
we held hands
we went to a festival
and we managed to share some of our deepest thoughts.

Before I say another word
You are my best friend
And I am terrified to loose that.

I think of You when I brush my teeth and comb my hair.
You used to dust off your boyfriends just as fast yet
Your hand still shakes less than mine.
The pact I made in eighth grade only destroyed one of us;
we were only trying to shake off the insults of elementary school.
My scars still laugh at me from under my slacks,
while You strut in bikinis during the summer months.
It all is based on what they say,
but not what I bother to tell them
I feel.
I will tell You;
             that my heart has been asleep for two centuries,
             my soul spends starless nights awake wishing for deeper meaning,
             my hands were caught replacing my Bible with my books of Byron and Bukowski
             the taste of pumpkin coffee rattles in my mouth
             and my voice has taken a vacation to the tropics
             while my skin sighs tears it does not possess.
            my heart is weeping for the one I cannot see
            and my chin trembles more than three times a week.
Yet when I chew on my rosemary leaves,
I will remember how You threw my things to the carpet.
I will remember how You meant it when you kissed me
and I will remember when You borrowed my romper,
two sizes too big,
and worked it harder than that psychology textbook You so despise.
And I will remember the moment
I knew I loved You.

I got to see you today
I suppose your scent will not stick around much longer
I guess I miss you much more than I thought.

You smell like sunshine and Mexican soda
You hug like a mattress attack from all sides
You said you loved me and I'm afraid it means more to me than to you

I loved you the day we met
I couldn't name the word until now
I forced myself to forget the word

You sing liked honeyed carrots
You hate with a passion I couldn't know existed
You stare through me like x-rays

I suppose I want to be with you
I want to memorize the way your jeans feel over your hips before I start to the zipper.
I want to know how you laugh at your favorite videos and how you find your music
I want to rip apart every man that has ever hurt you and hold you tight
I want to know the feel of your cheek beneath my mouth
I want to be able to fix your hair like you would and kiss you goodnight a million times
I want to be able to fix your cereal the way you like it in the afternoon without a second thought.

I want to love you.
If you would allow

Last night
I stayed in bed till noon
to finish my dream
though it would not end;
it refused to halt.

All I did
was kiss you

Don't ask me how I fell for your smile
the one you can't hold for a picture.
The one that only those with you get to see.
Don't ask me how I stayed up night after night telling myself it couldn't be true.
I can't be in love with a girl.
Don't tell me your a potato when I can't smear the grin off my face when I see you
You're face was carved by an angel and not the one that Kennedy told you you were.
The one that loves Panic! At the Disco and provokes opponents at basketball games,
the one that asked me if we were there yet in front of the sign-bearing evangelical and bought dice earrings from a Catholic Church garage sale.
This celestial being stopped me from offing myself in my worst times
and forgave me for my faults.
Don't you dare ask how.

I whisper words I know won't be heard
I say them, softer than a fluttering bird.
Quiet, I am, for I know those in need
will refuse, every time, to take heed.

I'll make my speech grand when the time comes;
for now this will only reach a small, select some.
My heart keeps jumping at every sound;
for I wish one day I could simply be found.

Take this ripped heart and hold it close
I doubt it will warm to you; it no longer does for most.
My eyes will stay shut more times than not;
One day I will be lucky to see you caught.

I miss my life the way it was; when all
revolved around one single nightly call.
Now I see how others shape my world
and not every day needs to be spent curled

in a figure unnatural to your form.
I will still swear that my heart is torn.
More than I ever thought before
doubt is wearing my mind like at a seashore.

My favorite mistress
is red
round
and rotund.
She fell in love
with the tomato
on the windowsill
yet could not feel his touch.
Supposing she could change it,
she decided to
blush
for all eternity.

Now,
she coaxes in a Mr.
Earl Grey.
He slips into my bedroom
He infuses my space.

My mistress invites him
in with her song.
High and coarse,
yet
of it I will never tire.
Sing!
Sing!
Sing!

But some days,
some days I'm afraid to kiss you.
I swear one day I'll find her tongue in your mouth
then I'll feel that pain when you know what they don't think you know
and I'll pull away.

My hand will form a fist before I can think and
I'll be bound to seek her out
I'll swear to take a stake to her,
somebody stop this ***** she's taking my man.

But, Lord, its only a ride to school
Shut the **** up Liz its his choice

but why
why didn't he tell me
why didn't he bother to mention that this
****
is sitting in the seat you held me in
is taking my place

and now
now
this is tearing my brain apart
I swore I wouldn't be the jealous girlfriend
We promised to give space and freedoms that were missed in the past
while my brain screamed
NO
no

Stop
I don't want to hear your excuses and your lies you know what you did with her last night
She's slept with sixteen men stop and think for a second don't you want peace when you're dead?

Apparently.
apparently not.

Her eyes were as green as the grass she ran across
as she stepped out of the car and began to sprint up to me
her gait was full of hope,
her smile showed every emotion she'd ever felt
all the pain
all the fear
all the coming to Jesus with a prayer.
But as she saw me standing all alone
and the look on my face telling all,
she new that something was terribly wrong.

I told her the news as best as I could
just trying to keep my own composure
When I was done, I managed to ask if she needed to hang around a while
She just whispered "..no.."
She went back to the car and stepped inside
I never saw her wipe a tear
I was half tempted to tell her flat out that she was coming back home with me
but she said "I need to be alone"

That night i went home and went to sleep
a dream awaited me
It was her in a gorgeous white dress,
her pupils had gone dove white.
she said
"Tell momma and daddy i love them,
they're still trying to save me.
Its hopeless, they just can't see.
All the pills they forced down my throat never did help me,
only the love of the one thats now gone."

"Be a good boy, Play "Beautiful Things" at the funeral.
don't let 'em mourn me too long.
They have better things to do than think of me."
I woke up with a start and got the call from the hospital
Her parents said they needed to see me.
When I got there all i did was say good-bye
and wipe the tears from her mother's eyes.

Story goes that she drove over to the town two hundred miles away
No one knew her beautiful face and the hurt it possessed
Its said that she drank more than she had in her whole life
and grabbed the keys before the bartender could ask if she needed a ride
Cops found the car crashed straight into a tree
they said it must have been going 90.
I guess thats what happens when the girl falls in love with the Marine.

Write me a riddle
play me a song
invent some way to make sure the night doesn't last so long.
Take me away
get in your car
and find some way to erase every scar.
Feel the rain
listen to that bird
its not like someone left you without a clue why.
Make me a stuffed animal
that I can hold onto or punch
when my mood swings like you know it does.
Buy me a box of tissues
to make me feel better when I'm not crying
so I can say, look
I don't need those.
Look through my photo albums
remind yourself
of how I never needed you
just wanted.
Give me a smile
to hold onto like a prayer stone.
Take back those words you said
it might just make the bruise fade.
Relinquish those feelings
to the wind of time.
Move on
so I can, too.
“When I'm not being honest, I pretend that you were just some lover.” -Arctic Monkeys

You were sitting in my golden room
You threw my things off their perches
and proceeded to wall on my antique bed.
My bible was pretending to lay silent on the floor.
Oppression wasn’t in the Quran on my bed but the 2000 Red Dodge Ram
Drove you away.

Your parents deemed
my short haircut
a symbol of homosexuality.
They placed my name among the delinquents.

You would always rock your skinny jeans.
I know you were wearing them when you tried to slit your own wrists.
You found things to live for when you found me.
We shed our pants, camped out on my battered couch, and watched Rocky Horror.
I’ll never understand;
you can have love affairs with Panic!At the Disco and Carried Underwood.
You drug me to Jarritos Mexican Soda
And hugged the stranger in the TWLOHA t-shirt.
You texted me “Goodnight, seep tight, don’t let the zombies bite” when you finished my “No mas pantalones” notice.
We went to Sweet CeCe’s to celebrate getting fired from your therapist.
I know you’re okay
the same way you quoted John Green in my room that day
and I still miss you.
Keep your smiles and your paints.
we’ll be 18 one day.

A message
A message
a form of communication
to try and break this ice
that is in such a tough formation

you
the one who makes me smile
makes me forget my heart has ever broken
who makes me laugh harder than i have in a long time
who never stops amazing me
in everything you say.
you with the girlfriend of over a year.
you
whose relationship I won't touch because i can't do it to you or her
you
you
you
have caught me