You were sitting in my golden room
You threw my things off their perches
and proceeded to wall on my antique bed.
My bible was pretending to lay silent on the floor.
Oppression wasn’t in the Quran on my bed but the 2000 Red Dodge Ram
Drove you away.

Your parents deemed
my short haircut
a symbol of homosexuality.
They placed my name among the delinquents.

You would always rock your skinny jeans.
I know you were wearing them when you tried to slit your own wrists.
You found things to live for when you found me.
We shed our pants, camped out on my battered couch, and watched Rocky Horror.
I’ll never understand;
you can have love affairs with Panic!At the Disco and Carried Underwood.
You drug me to Jarritos Mexican Soda
And hugged the stranger in the TWLOHA t-shirt.
You texted me “Goodnight, seep tight, don’t let the zombies bite” when you finished my “No mas pantalones” notice.
We went to Sweet CeCe’s to celebrate getting fired from your therapist.
I know you’re okay
the same way you quoted John Green in my room that day
and I still miss you.
Keep your smiles and your paints.
we’ll be 18 one day.

I think of You when I brush my teeth and comb my hair.
You used to dust off your boyfriends just as fast yet
Your hand still shakes less than mine.
The pact I made in eighth grade only destroyed one of us;
we were only trying to shake off the insults of elementary school.
My scars still laugh at me from under my slacks,
while You strut in bikinis during the summer months.
It all is based on what they say,
but not what I bother to tell them
I feel.
I will tell You;
             that my heart has been asleep for two centuries,
             my soul spends starless nights awake wishing for deeper meaning,
             my hands were caught replacing my Bible with my books of Byron and Bukowski
             the taste of pumpkin coffee rattles in my mouth
             and my voice has taken a vacation to the tropics
             while my skin sighs tears it does not possess.
            my heart is weeping for the one I cannot see
            and my chin trembles more than three times a week.
Yet when I chew on my rosemary leaves,
I will remember how You threw my things to the carpet.
I will remember how You meant it when you kissed me
and I will remember when You borrowed my romper,
two sizes too big,
and worked it harder than that psychology textbook You so despise.
And I will remember the moment
I knew I loved You.

you
the one who makes me smile
makes me forget my heart has ever broken
who makes me laugh harder than i have in a long time
who never stops amazing me
in everything you say.
you with the girlfriend of over a year.
you
whose relationship I won't touch because i can't do it to you or her
you
you
you
have caught me

Her eyes were as green as the grass she ran across
as she stepped out of the car and began to sprint up to me
her gait was full of hope,
her smile showed every emotion she'd ever felt
all the pain
all the fear
all the coming to Jesus with a prayer.
But as she saw me standing all alone
and the look on my face telling all,
she new that something was terribly wrong.

I told her the news as best as I could
just trying to keep my own composure
When I was done, I managed to ask if she needed to hang around a while
She just whispered "..no.."
She went back to the car and stepped inside
I never saw her wipe a tear
I was half tempted to tell her flat out that she was coming back home with me
but she said "I need to be alone"

That night i went home and went to sleep
a dream awaited me
It was her in a gorgeous white dress,
her pupils had gone dove white.
she said
"Tell momma and daddy i love them,
they're still trying to save me.
Its hopeless, they just can't see.
All the pills they forced down my throat never did help me,
only the love of the one thats now gone."

"Be a good boy, Play "Beautiful Things" at the funeral.
don't let 'em mourn me too long.
They have better things to do than think of me."
I woke up with a start and got the call from the hospital
Her parents said they needed to see me.
When I got there all i did was say good-bye
and wipe the tears from her mother's eyes.

Story goes that she drove over to the town two hundred miles away
No one knew her beautiful face and the hurt it possessed
Its said that she drank more than she had in her whole life
and grabbed the keys before the bartender could ask if she needed a ride
Cops found the car crashed straight into a tree
they said it must have been going 90.
I guess thats what happens when the girl falls in love with the Marine.

Write me a riddle
play me a song
invent some way to make sure the night doesn't last so long.
Take me away
get in your car
and find some way to erase every scar.
Feel the rain
listen to that bird
its not like someone left you without a clue why.
Make me a stuffed animal
that I can hold onto or punch
when my mood swings like you know it does.
Buy me a box of tissues
to make me feel better when I'm not crying
so I can say, look
I don't need those.
Look through my photo albums
remind yourself
of how I never needed you
just wanted.
Give me a smile
to hold onto like a prayer stone.
Take back those words you said
it might just make the bruise fade.
Relinquish those feelings
to the wind of time.
Move on
so I can, too.
“When I'm not being honest, I pretend that you were just some lover.” -Arctic Monkeys

I whisper words I know won't be heard
I say them, softer than a fluttering bird.
Quiet, I am, for I know those in need
will refuse, every time, to take heed.

I'll make my speech grand when the time comes;
for now this will only reach a small, select some.
My heart keeps jumping at every sound;
for I wish one day I could simply be found.

Take this ripped heart and hold it close
I doubt it will warm to you; it no longer does for most.
My eyes will stay shut more times than not;
One day I will be lucky to see you caught.

I miss my life the way it was; when all
revolved around one single nightly call.
Now I see how others shape my world
and not every day needs to be spent curled

in a figure unnatural to your form.
I will still swear that my heart is torn.
More than I ever thought before
doubt is wearing my mind like at a seashore.