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 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
marina
i used to hate sundays,
but sometimes you hold
my hands in the pews
at church and i think that
i've been saved in more
ways than one
 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
JCkilledme
xo
 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
JCkilledme
xo
Sometimes sadness is an addiction
& im never quite sure if i'm sober.
you drink for the feeling but never for the taste.
and sometimes people leave and things crack and you cant duct tape yourself together.
so you stay, hoping you'll fix yourself one day,
to only end up overdosing.
 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
JCkilledme
i see everyone else, and i feel like im missing out on this thing in life...
and i don't know what it is, its this feeling, nostalgia almost.
and everyones laughing, cause i dont have it.
*im starving to be happy
 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
JCkilledme
I will not be a victim of my own head.
put myself down when i stand infront of a mirror
sadness is not my favorite shirt.
even if i wear it often
but this year,
this year i will take it off
and hang it in the closet
along with all my other skeletons
summers are for tube tops, not long sleeved shirts to hide my scars
happiness is not tequila and love is not having *** every other day.
crying wont make me weak
cutting wont make me strong.
even though somedays may feel like razor blades
they aren't j.
please try to live again.
 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
JCkilledme
Having one of those days again
when i miss your sweet words
and that sweet touch
its too bad that you were not real
but hey, it was real to me
at least in my mind it was
my imaginary love
my imaginary sweet
come back to me as reality.

its one of those nights
when i need you most
holding me in your arms.
and i try to make you reality
but all i get is a crazy look.
i try
i try
i really do
so i guess ill wait,
a few years more for you
with my heart torn apart.
just know, ill be the best i can
with all these broken pieces,
of my rejected hand.
 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
Genesis'
the sting it brings to your heart
the water it brings to your eyes
the sickness it brings to your stomach
So, how does it feel?
feeling what you have done to me?
do you enjoy the pain?
now suddenly you feel this way.
now you feel the regret.
now you feel disease you gave to me.
I was always there for you.
I gave you my trust.
I gave you my happiness.
& you crushed it with me along with it.

NO !
no , there's no more chances.
NO!
no, there's no more pity.
NO!
no, there's no more sympathy.
NO!
there is no more.
I cant take this anymore.

So, how does it feel?
how does it feel like to be like me?
how does it feel to see, what you made me to be?
how could you betray the ONLY girl
that gave you nothing but her love ?
her life to fulfill your happiness?
just to see your smile?
just to feel your touch?
just you.

& you betrayed me.

How does it feel silly boy?
to lose the only girl that loved you as much
as I did.

Just tell me.
How does it feel?

How does it feel.
 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
JCkilledme
sometimes i wonder if my sadness is the only thing ive truly ever loved.
at night, i breathe in my loneliness as if it was the sweetest air that could pass my lips.
i remember when i first noticed you getting tired of trying to figure out what was wrong.
and at that, the end of most days you would look for new wounds on my body
for all the times you have let me down
but most of all i remember choking...
choking.....
choking on a word i thought would come out so easily....


*stay
 Oct 2013 Mancenillier
JCkilledme
(i)
cover up all the mirrors in your room.
you may not be perfect but you are ******* beautiful and you are so much more than smoke in the mirror.
you are more than just bones and muscle.
you need to know that you are more than your three dimensional existence.

(ii)
throw away all your knives
and your lighters
i know you think that sometimes you need to cover yourself in artwork made from red ink and pink rubbery skin to remind yourself you can still feel, but remember "the red water of the bathtub cannot change the color of the sea at all".

(iii)
Eat.
your body is a temple, not an abandoned house.
you do not get to starve it of happiness or demolish it with your hatred
you cannot crucify your own skin just because you feel like its getting hard to breathe
stop using the excuse of wanting to be health, or vegan because every time you do that, you're letting your demons win

(iv)
its okay if you go to bed without him
i know you think that you need him to save you
that perhaps he will heal all your wounds
but he won't
sometimes, there is no prince and you need to be your own savior
because sometimes we, are all we have
and that
is completely **okay.
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