Today
I felt like a surfer
A surfer who hasn’t figured out how to
Ride waves
Not the normal, soft wave
But the large one that
Crashes violently and
Throws my corpse to the depths
Of the ocean
I wonder how long it will take me to know how to ride it

some days,
like today
my head is clouded with embarrassing thoughts
my memories are filtered into the worst type of embarrassing
the one that's mixed with
shame and guilt and disgust
its tiring how
i carry these feelings and
trail them into my everyday life
these feelings make
me question my self-worth
my self worth
nowadays is an ugly draft of
a more beautiful writing,
a draft that is thrown
away once a good writer reads it
i am unpredictable
my self worth is
brittle as ****.
-mm