We lay here in the dark; face to face, half asleep, completely alive. There is no sound besides our breathing, nothing exists except our bodies entangled together. Your fingertips knead the bottom of my back and I trace my fingers across the path of your spine. We wait and wait and wait and it happens. Your lips find mine the same moment mine find yours. We become lost in each other, our mouths connecting until we feel our minds, our hearts, our souls connecting. You pull me on top of your body and we hold each other there, continuing to kiss until our lungs are full. Your breathing is heavy and longing and it sounds like music in my ears and I kiss your neck gently as a silent thank you, as a silent 'I love you'. You roll me effortlessly on to my back and you tower over me. You delicately brush the hair out of my face and look at me like I am beautiful and in this moment I feel beautiful. You press your lips to mine once again, a sense of urgency in the way you move, a sense of desperation. You begin gently kissing my throat and I throw my head back and in this moment I know that I have given myself to you and I am yours and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. In this moment I know that I love you with all I have.

YOU ARE SO INTENSE AND I LOVE YOU SO INTENSELY. I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE ALIVE AND I AM ALIVE AND OH MY GOD WE ARE SO ALIVE. SOMETIMES I WANT TO SET YOU ON FIRE BUT MOST OF THE TIME, YOU SET ME ON FIRE, YOU SET THE WORLD ON FIRE, WE ARE HEAVEN AND HELL COMBINED AND WE ARE EVERY FLAME YET TO BE IGNITED. WE ARE SO HUMAN, SO ANGRY, SO SAD, SO CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER, SO ******* CRAZY. EVERY SONG REMINDS ME OF YOU AND THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME HAS ME SMILING IN MY SLEEP. I AM SO AWAKE WHEN I AM WITH YOU, SO AWARE OF EVERY PASSING MINUTE, SO AWARE OF THE FACT THAT YOU EXIST. YOU ARE KILLING ME AND I AM RUNNING BOTH TO AND FROM YOU; INDECISIVE, IMPOSSIBLE, INFINITE. I WANT TO SEE THE ENTIRE WORLD WITH YOU, I WANT US TO BECOME THE WORLD. I WANT TO SEE LOVE IN YOUR EYES AND TASTE LUST ON YOUR LIPS. I WANT EVERYTHING BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, EVERYTHING IS YOU AND YOU CAN GIVE ME MORE THAN EVERYTHING. WE CAN'T STAND EACH OTHER AND WE CAN'T STAND TO BE WITHOUT EACHOTHER. WE ARE SO HUMAN.

Why did you have to become a ghost to me? I've never held on to something as tightly as you, literally held you so as to keep your bones from falling apart beneath me, held on to your skin as a way to stop you from leaving. I thought I had my hands somewhere deep inside your soul but then I learnt you didn't have one anybody could touch. I should have listened, but I saw lights inside you so bright they could blind me and I couldn't look away. And so I was blind to the reality, to your selfish needs, your selfish touch, your selfish love. And now here I am; they say you see a light at the end of the tunnel, but either I'm still blind or there is just endless darkness down here. I didn't know that if you lost yourself inside someone you'd lose yourself completely, that you'd never find your way back to yourself. This is what love has done: I was so completely in love with you, so completely intoxicated by your existence, that I forgot how to love myself. And now I can't remember.

You make me feel like I have
no control,
and it scares me because I know
that's what love feels like.
I don't want to be out of control.
I don't want to be in love.
The simple, innocent act of your arm
brushing against mine
makes me realise that no touch
between me and you
could ever be
innocent.
I want to crawl inside you,
fill up all of your lonely places with myself.
I want to be completely selfish,
hide you away somewhere nobody can find you
because I am so jealous of every pair of eyes
that has seen you.
I want to be the only eyes that are important,
the only lips you want to kiss,
the only body you could possibly hold with those
big, beautiful hands.
My God, I am a burning, raging forest fire
and I want to burn through your heart.
I want it to be painful to be without me.

I want to make you feel like you have
no control
because I know that's what love feels like
and I need you to love me.

Please do not hate me
when I am cold and reclused and quiet
or when I am crying in to your chest
or when I am screaming at you at 3am.
Do not hate me
when my eyes lose life for a while
and I am distant from you;
all I want to do is come back to you.
Do not hate me
when I am desperate, pathetic and broken;
you are fixing me with your existence.
Do not hate me
when sadness holds me tighter than you do;
I did not ask to be this way.

If you love me
I will be warm and loud and open
and I will fall asleep to the sound your chest makes
and we will dance at 3am.
If you love me
my eyes will be wider and full of life
and I will always, always come back to you.
If you love me
I will be strong and beautiful and alive
because as I said before, you are fixing me with your existence.
If you love me
I will hold you tighter than sadness could ever hold me.

It's just that I need to learn to love myself
before you can love me.