I saw you as one of the pieces of me
that I'd lost in my childhood
when I was too busy focusing on nothing
to notice.
I guess we're all born to broken people
and we were no exception.
You were the first real thing to happen to me
in years,
the first person that understood me,
understood I needed someone to hold me
just once
just for one night.
I fell asleep in your arms
and wondered why I had to keep these things a secret.
We ran through each other's veins
like disease;
a sickness I didn't want to get rid of.

Your palms told the story of the universe
whilst I pressed my lips to your wrist
and allowed my eyelashes to flutter against your hand,
flirting sleepily with your skin.
I was numb to everything besides your body;
my hands falling in love with the bones of your spine,
my mouth gently parting to call you baby
but my lungs finding nothing but breathlessness.
In that moment
I realised that every inch of me was in love with different parts of you
and my legs tangled between yours
in order to bring you closer to me.
I want nothing more now
than to spend days laying down with you
and discovering different parts of you.
As I traced the shape of your ribs
I pulled you even closer
as if I could replace the distance between our love
with the proximity of our bodies together,
but ultimately knowing that
I need you so much closer.
We were stuck in a half dream
and I never wanted your arms to unwrap themselves
from my fragile body
of which you held so delicately.
My body never wanted to leave the damp pavement
where our knees rested against each other's
and the smoke from your cigarette stroked my lips
as if it were you kissing me.
My body never wanted to leave the hard floor
where I lay my head on your chest
and watched the sunrise
knowing that you were only mine
when nobody else could see
but I need you so much closer.

I'm the kind of girl
who'll end up writing poems about you at 4am.
I'd compare you to the stars,
a supernova,
an ocean
and I'd want you to compare me to
volcanoes,
hurricanes,
disasters.
I'd fall in love with the way the curve of your spine felt
underneath my fingertips
and I'd fall in love with the way you say my name.
I would compare your face to a poem,
and I'd lay beside you and form poetry out of your skin.
I'd smoke your cigarettes and wish I was the smoke
in your lungs.
I would love you too much
to even think about loving myself
and I would need your arms to fall asleep at night.
I'd have to find your lips in the darkest hours
when my heart hurts and I begin to drown again.
I'd ask you to save me and I'd love you more than I love poetry.
I'd just write poems about you
in the sunrise
where I'd take joy in the fact that our skin was being kissed
by the same sunshine
so never fall in love with a girl like me.

At 6am
I opened my eyes
and saw the sunlight kissing our skin.
I rolled over to face you properly
and you unconsciously brushed my lips with yours
and traced my jaw line with your lazy fingertips.
I pressed my mouth to your wrist
and you muttered a sleepy, but certain
''i love you''
to which I wrapped myself around you
and let you hold me
my heart exploding against your chest
asking you ''save me''
and thanking you for doing so.

And the clouds stretched across the evening sky
and you kissed me more tenderly than the sun did
and you said my name between kisses
and you breathed poetry in my ear
and you told me I was beautiful
and I told you I loved you
and we lay together
and watched the world.

I looked for you today
on the familiar roads
and the dark underpasses.
I wanted to find you
and kiss you
even though i barely know you
or what you dream about
or how you escape your dark days.
escape with me.
i do not know the shade of your eyes
nor the shape of your hands
but i know
about listening
and i know i can try
to learn all of you if only
you tried to learn all of me.
escape with me.

Here is the truth:

I have been lost
for a long time;
lost in the eyes of a demon,
lost in the skin of a man.
I have been a ghost
hidden
hollow
cold.
He took my heart
took my soul
took everything.
He overpowered my mind
burning in to every thought
suffocating me with rejection
drowning me...

I learned to swim
because I was sick of being the sand
the dirt people walk all over.
I became the ocean I was drowning in
saving myself.
He murdered parts of me
left them to rot
but I grew stronger
and I learned to live
without him.
When you are drowning
you can allow yourself to sink
or you can learn to swim...

I'm reaching shallow water
and maybe one day I'll reach the shore
by believing in myself
and by accepting myself.
I learnt to swim.