I am a miserable ****.

Traffic jam thoughts.
Aimless speech.
Fever dreams,
coffee with no cream,
love with no pulse,
alone at restaurants,
            at grocery stores,
            at parties.

I have no identity.

Shifting shape, black to blue,
trading girls, red hair for Persian skin,
parents and gods,
politicians and lost purpose mobs,
all asking me to be sacred,
                            to be loving,
                            to be trusting,
                            to be active,
                            to have no spine.

All I want is a bit of my own time.

A grenade of change,
to end the coagulation of my brain,
to leave me hungry for anything
other than me,
didn't somebody say I was promised something?
                                            I was going somewhere?
                                            I was unique?

I am the same miserable ****,

As every other miserable ****.

The ******* that cut you off on Highway 62,

The person that complained about too many pickles,
on his precious fast food,

The boy yelling at his baby sister for getting too much attention,

The girl sexting your boyfriend,

The boy sexing your girlfriend,

The generation divorcing everyone it knows so it can fall in love with

itself.

All different,
in exactly the same way.

Traffic jam thoughts. Traffic jam thoughts.
                   Traffic jam thoughts. Traffic jam thoughts.
            trafficjamthoughts. traffic. Traffic Jam Thoughts. Thoughts.
Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Jam.
thoughts. traffic. trafficjam. trafficjam. traffic jam thoughts.traffic.
traffic jam. traffic, traffic, traffic. I am a miserable ****. Traffic jam.

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

When I close my eyes to sleep at night,
I see you lying there,
alone in bed so far away,
it just doesn't seem quite fair.

If wishes worked like magic,
that's not what I would see.
For you would be much closer,
lying next to me.

Your head would be upon my chest,
your leg draped over mine.
Softly, you'd be sleeping,
and life would be just fine.

And as I drifted off to sleep,
your arms would hold me tight.
Together we would dream the truth,
of this and every night.

That this is how we're meant to be,
together, intertwined.
Just look at all the paths we took,
each other just to find.

If I had better hand writing, baby, I'd write to you every day.
It doesn't help that I forgot what half the alphabet looks like in cursive, or I'd try that instead.
And my type writer is broken...
I knocked on your door about a week ago.
But when I heard your footsteps, I ran away...
I'm sorry.
I'm all out of excuses.
Maybe I should call...

I’d ask for life to give me one more chance
One more chance to say

I Love You



I’d ask for death to give me one last breath
One last breath to say

I Love you

A tasteful melody,
Strums in the back of my ever-wandering mind,
Haunting memories of bittersweet simplicity,
Heart-shattering strain and pain,
Agony and pain in each cord,
Each cord resounding with disdain,
As the beat drones on,
Oh it goes on for so long,
The tune dances and strolls along,
Repeating my familiar song.

An ever growing melody,
Lingers on my bursting chest,
Beautiful without rest it continues on,
Each note caressing the four, pale walls,
Seep through the cracks,
For it cannot be contained for long,
As the beat drones on,
Ever going strong,
The tune rejoices along,
To my ongoing song.

A rampant, restless melody,
Pounding my temples as if caving in,
Raging and contemplating sounds,
Oh it resounds quite loud,
The clashing and clanging of the cymbals,
Is almost captivating,
As the thunder joins the throng,
As the beat drones on,
Shouting as it rages along,
The clamor continues headstrong,
To my always familiar song.

A quite, calming melody,
The blissful peace it brings,
Stay awhile dear in this haven,
As the harps ring out and the lilies sigh,
Oh everybody knows this one,
It's symphony is crafted and strong,
As the beat drones on,
Such a lovely and beautiful song,
Glorious as the tune plays on,
To my favorite kind of song.

A fading melody,
Timeless cares of you and me,
The weather piano is drowning,
In a dark and dreadful song,
Weeping a lullaby never-ending,
The flowers sway along,
As the beat drones on,
It has gone on for so very long,
And the tune once sung is finally gone,
To my old, familiar song.

I come every morning to the beginning of this street
thinking that you will pass from here
I wait, wait, and wait…

when you are seen from far
my heart does not fit to its cage,
tulips bloom in me…
an inexplicable warmth embraces my body
I burn from top to toe…
I do not see who is on the street, I cannot see.
I do not see the trees
and when you approach
freezes my blood, freezes my mind
freezes my soul…
everything freezes in me

you just pass by,
it does not change anything whether I exist or not
it does not matter for you, for the world
or for the sun

when I return home
I carry a dream with me…
there is still a reason again
to overcome the dark and cold night
still a reason for me,
another reason to reach tomorrow morning,
I will run again,

I will run again the following morning
to the beginning of the same street


Translated by: Richard Mildstone