The black deer graces headlights again,
Unusually an often occurrence.
Beams burn the animal,
But it feels love.
Absolutely, entirely backwards.
The deer is broken,
Like the light reflecting off your cheeks.
Head pain, a headache,
Left little for the mind to chew
And I've been suffering for weeks now.
I drew inspiration from dust off strangers feet.
I've never been so dull, so bland, so colourless.
Mental instability, she's pretty but she's dead
And he's looking for cheap ****.
Welcome to psychedelia and the twisted webs of today's society.
Paint your own empty shadow,
No one else wants it until you join pop
And pop ain't my thing.

Where is home,
Have I not yet lost my soul?

And did you lose all faith
Before you even knew the meaning?

Have you swapped faces
Before you even saw your own?

And does the weight of the ocean
Drag you so far down
That you look up to see the bottom?

Did you ever care at all?

My soul is gone,
False meaning ate the faith,
My vision was distorted before I even knew how to see,
The ocean swallowed me
And no, I do not care to be.

My
                    
                  Whole

                                     Life
                                              Is

                                                        A
                                                               Poorly

                                                                               Written

                                                                                              P O E M.

I burnt your face into the sheets


The world has spun again

I am done, with your empty everything.

Took the world from my grip.
I drowned again in your scent.
I burnt your face into the sheet.

But I'll love you forever

Empty, flatline numbness, marry me! Marry me!
Oh, jester in white inhale yourself; nothing but a fool.
Do you know your fate?
Majestic brutality, do you know your fate?
Heart beats so rhythmic, it's a brand new taste.
A white noise craze, walk along the pretty phase.
Tongue tied fantasies, drop dead harmonies and the worlds upside down.
Posiden met Godzilla, it's nothing you said it was.
Kitty cat, baseball bat ate your face, jester start again.
Ghoul, ghoul, ghoul dressed in white, take my veins, weave a gown.
We will dance, tonight, dance so pretty in the light.
Tell me, ever painted beauty in blood?
Oh, wicked numbness, Marry me! Marry me!

I am done,
You have seen me
Unravel,
Wilt
And shrivel.
No longer a flower
But forever bound to your garden.

I apologise  for peeling your eyes back
And letting them burn as they watch me suffer.
I never meant to be your trigger,
I never meant to pull the trigger
On your fragil stability.

I wish, I wish
You didn't have to watch me die.

I'm done. I'm done.

drink to your teeth and sweat,
i'll drink to the bruises you built
pray to the flesh you tore
cigarette ashes settle on your eyes
You'll drown, you'll drown
this is your demise.

burns stay
and not all scars are my own.
every droplet of wine
spat in my face,
every knuckle
that broke a bone.
you let him leave.

but i made you watch,
i made you watch me walk away.

To write your name in my blood,
To bleed such a wonder
Would be an absolute honour.
To have you, entire,
I give you my soul.

shine your light my way,
and the winds will dance
with us on their strings,
we are the earths puppets,
we'll spin again.

I never want to leave your side
but my hands are tied,
my hands are tied,
your heart screams blind.

You don't love me anymore.

Your eyes scream apologies

and not even you know what for,

you took my hand,

we left the room,

and i fell in love with you again.

Did I forget to mention
How adorable you are
When you're intoxicated?

Or was the sarcasm not thick enough?

And do you forget
When "I dont wanna be dr-drunk anymore"
Dribbled from your mouth?

You stink.
Go home.

Light me up,

and i'll feed these

         corrupt lungs

            with a dead flame.

I wish ladybeetles could talk,


They'd tell the sweetest stories.

you know what love is

but you're a devil heart,

that will never share

secrets of a heartbeat.

and I know that look

in your eyes,

already planning ways

to tear out my heart

to taste the pulsing flesh.

Calmly laying in a coffin... practicing my speech for when the Devil and I meet.

Evaporating,
you are air
wrapping its feverish fingers
around my throat
choking me now.

Ain't it funny
when your little witch fingers
pierce my chest
rip out my heart
and crush it;
smallest movements.

Give it back
or God, take me.
I've never felt so empty.
Never been so on fire.

Chemicals will bring you back
become one with your skin
eating you from the outside
in.

I'll never be like you.
We'll never love again.
Stay away from me.
It's not my time.
You'll get your
******* satisfaction
soon enough.

You're so scared of death but
don't you think you're the only one.
How do you see me at all
through scarred flesh
and pools of blood.

How do you see me at all
when your back is turned
and the snapping noise
of your spinal cord
is all that is heard
drowning out the light
in the room.

Blinding.
Please don't bleed anymore.

And if the sky wasn't falling
I never would have
left you there to suffocate
beneath the waves.

I took you to the edge,
hand in hand
one last time.

It's funny how
the weather always
knew the mood.

There was so much rain,
so much pain.

"I've always wanted to fly..."
You pulled your hand away
I crouched too close to the edge,

"If you jump...
you won't fly.
You'll just be falling."
I've never seen a face
so blank, so indifferent.

"I wouldn't be breaking a trend,
I've been falling,  my whole life."

I stood, wiping hair from your face,
kissed you once
and then grew wings.

But darling,
                    There's no need for such mutilation;
                a heart is lovely but one cannot love
             just a small piece of rythmic flesh
          torn from a person.
       The whole being
    must be loved.

There is no blood to be spilt,
only blood to water roses.

One more day like this,
blood will turn to wine.

Another hour unseen,
another promise broken.

One more battle,
One more scar to keep you ashamed.

Blink once,
don't you dare look back,
walk away with the sunrise
keep the devils stare.

I'll meet you there.
I'll meet you somewhere
away from here.

Sleepless nights,
harvest the worst dreams,
I thought you said you didn't feel pain?

Two more lungs,
dried up and corrupt,
we'll walk out
and drown together.

So ready to let go,
so ready to just slip
and fall for eternity
to the middle of the earth.

Far too cold
and far too lonely
up here,
I just want to be gone like you,
to be free, in a different world.

Give me strength,
give me reason
to breathe, to live.

lend me a smile
that wont hide
depression.

give me everything
you have to offer
or let the earth
open up and ******* take me.

I scream and I scream with no sound,

clenched jaw, shivering body, i see white.

                  T   R   A   P   P   E   D

Inside the bleach stained walls

of my skull; I long to shatter it.

                 B   R   E   A   T   H   E

Through chemical burnt lungs; they have shrivled.

                 C   H   O   K   E;

Blood tastes better regurgitated.

you try way too hard.
There is no depth
in the hundreds of words
that spill from your pen.
Is there more to you?
Nay, you are shallow,
though you wish to believe not.

You are a body
filled with cliche's of
boring spiderweb sentences
and stringy muscles
that are words.

Stolen eyes,
like stolen phrases you hide
deep within the chorus.

Paralyzing true minds.

Sink your teeth
deep into my innocence,
on your plump lips
does it taste devine?
Just like this heart of mine?

Drink up the grease
of guilt and lies
I dare you, I dare you!
It'll mix with yours
just fine.

**** my wasted kisses
from the tip of my tongue,
they always lingered there,
Scrape them off with a razor
put them in a jar.

But leave my heart,
leave it dead and black
inside me.

wrote your name in the sand
watched the waves wash
and take it,

so,

i wrote your name
and all my fears
at the bottom
of a bottle of jack,

I found them every night.

You're in every
Decision i make,
you're in every
sip i take.

I'm always
                   tired and
                                  sick;
find the security in that.

My mind wanders
                               way
                                      too
                                           close
to the edge;
                   it's wiating to be pushed.
there is no comfort in that.

Sparkling red droplets
                                     tangle
                                                their
                                                         way
around wrists, a beautiful dance of mixing sins.

There is no security, no safety, no comfort
within me anymore.

Drag me by the heart strings...



                                                   ­        Make me feel something.

Why must this searing pain
in my throat debilitate me,
why must my lungs
throb with such breathlessness
again?

thinking all this was over
thinking all of this was done,
i let myself collapse, falter
and become so numb.

i'll drown in fire
and freeze in the depths
of razor thunder.
this is not electricity
this is a pain
i thought i'd forgotten
or atleast padlocked into a cage

Sit with a blank stare,
Mechanical chest,
In... Out.
In... Out.
Throbbing of a sore heart
Da dum.
Da dum.
Left foot twitches;
Itching
To walk the world.
Despondent minds.
Blink once, stare.
Sit and stare.

From across the dim
Hazy room,
I ask,
"What...
What are you...
Waiting for?"

Quietly, you answer,
Careful not to break
Your intense stare.
"Here, I wait
For the world to change,
For it to accept me
And my failed attempts
To be something more."

october mornings
in a cafe in france
early morning tea
sitting on the street as
the early morning mist
kisses our feet.