I call myself the madscientist
No I'm not mad
And I'm not a scientist
But some time my mind does run wild
And my thoughts run a bliss
Like a crowded house
Quickly running out of space
I find my thoughts lost in
The shuffle leaving not a trace
No memory!
No clue!
Most of the time
I don't know what to do
So I write.
I write about love I never had
I write about struggle I've seen
and heard
I write about good and bad
I try to put my feeling into words
You may understand
The again you may not
But these are the feelings that I got
The Madscientist
Soft
Sweet
Rugged
Hard
Demented
Corrupt
Angry
Some say
******
Mentally Disturbed In my own laboratory
Experimenting but not for fame or glory
Just trying to discover a piece of mind
Somewhere on these white sheets
The Madscientist
I'm just writing to put my mind at peace.

I’ve seen the pictures of how my people
Was beaten, brutalize just because of
Their color.
I’ve heard the stories of how our women were
*****, the whipped by the hands
Of the others.
I’ve felt the bruises of that razor blade of
A whip as it cuts deep into
My beautiful black tan.
So now I march along with the great leaders
Against racial violence,
Me, a Blackman.

I’ve heard my mother cry when the future
Got dark and cloudy and
Poses no hope.
I’ve watch my family fall to their knees
To pray after trying everything, they could in
This world, to cope.
I watched my brother sell drug and my sister
Her body just to make it through
Another day.
I’ve heard my friends speak of their prosperity
When they sat their pride aside and got down
On their knees to pray.
I’ve even watch myself become a victim of
Society and was left in this lonely world
Without a leg to stand.
I’ve stood on corners begging for what little
Change that anyone had to spare.
Yes Me, a Blackman.

I’ve heard the rumors of how my people was told
To run and then hunted and killed
Like a wildered beast.
I’ve been told the tales of the rice and gravy
Dinners on Christmas my people had, while on
Turkey the others feast.
I’ve listen to the songs many times over, felt the
Heartache that they sang, I’ve cried many
Times the same.
I’ve heard of how my people toiled in the blazing
Sun and worked their over exhausted bodies even
More as they were beaten by the rain.
Oh yes, I was one of the lucky ones to be born
In my day and age because technology has greatly
Improved before I was placed
On this land,
But I shall always remember – my children will,
Hopefully, do the same – that no matter where I go
Or what I do, I will always be
A BLACKMAN.

I was stripped of my freedom
Brought to this bearing land
With a glass of water and an open plain,
Left to die.

But I shall rise again.

I have been beaten with horse whips,
Handles of hoes, rakes, and shovels,
But I revealed no pain
When I was left to die,

Oh yeah, I shall rise again.

I’ve slaved upon many fields
Picking cotton, beans, potatoes and tomatoes
While being washed by the rain.
My spirit was left to die.

But I shall rise again.

I was tooken away from my mother
Like one takes a pig from a sow.
I screamed like I was insane,
My heart left to die,

But I shall rise again.

I witnessed my brother being hung from ropes,
My father getting shot many times over.
With their blood, the ground was stained,
Alone, I was left to die,

But I shall rise again.

My house is too crowded
And no one get along.
I’ve tried to kick them out
But they refuse to leave my home.

First there is the soldier,
All he wants to do is fight.
He’ll fight for what is right.
He’ll fight for what is wrong,
Doesn’t matter to him as long as there is a fight.

Next there’s Mr. Knowitall.
He been there and done it all.
And he wants everyone to know it.
He wants to be in every conversation
And want to be heard by everyone.
But no one really listens.

Then there is dad.
All he needs is his children.
He wants to give them the world,
Dry all their tears,
Remove all their fears,
And make everything alright.

Mr. Easy, he thinks life is a breeze
And everyone should chill and be happy.
He just wants to have fun
Joke and play like little
Children on a playground.
He seldom comes out of his room.
He is really the quiet one.

Let’s not forget Carman,
He is the worker of the group.
A real good worker in fact.
He won’t miss a day
And never been late.
He can’t stand Mr. Easy.

And then the savior, Captain Saver,
I call him.
He is like Dad, I guess.
His goal is to help all men, women, and child.
He wants to help the world
Have a better tomorrow
And is willing to give up our very last dime.

Now that brings me to Husband.
He doesn’t like Dad or Captain.
They constantly fight over whom
Do we give our time to.
You see
He only wants to be with our wife.
To him no one else matters.

The strongest of them all
Has to be Fish,
He lives just to go fishing.
When we are on the lake side
Or chilling by the river,
Either with friends or just us,
There is no arguing,
No fighting.
Just fishing.
He doesn’t play that.
Everyone obey him.

Last there am me.
Quietly I sit in my little corner
Trying to figure it all out.
I don’t fight.
I don’t say one word.
I’m just there.

This house is too crowded
And some of us need to go
And find another place to call home.
It is too many in my house
Some people visit I don’t even know.
I wish they all leave and leave me alone.
There are too many under this roof
At least nine of them I know
Trying to take over my home.
There are too many voices in this house.
And I wish they all would just go
And find a house of their own.

Day one, I am mister big man and I am
Prepare to take anything that they bring.
How hard could this really be.
“Hello out there. Can I get a rest room break?”
“So you have joke I see,”
A voice screams back at me.
“lets see how funny you be
Tomorrow when you figure out this is not fake.”
“Well if this is real, then there must be a mistake.”
“No mistake. You are the one we are after.
Don’t get scared now. Keep going with your laughter,”
The voice smirked as he walked away.
I passed out, and when if woke up it was another day.

Day two, still lock in this box
I have this awful itch that I cannot reach
The voices in my head now starts to annoy me
They torture me with lies.
Telling me I’m free.
“Free! Free! Free! From what am I free?!
This very small box is where I seem to be!”
“ This very tiny box is where the demons grow
And it will be your home, if you don’t
Tell us what we need to know,”
Once again the outside scream a voice.
"Talk now or later it is your choice.”

Day three, I began to smell myself.
A smell I have never smell before.
And would you believe there
Is knocking at my door.
It is my grandmother
But she died five years ago.
“Grandma, what are you doing here?
Did I die in the box and you come to take me there?”
“Grandma, speak! Have you anything to say?
Please tell me you come to take me away.”
“Your grandmother can’t help you now,”
The outside voice intervened.
“I’m your mama now
Hope you understand what I mean.”

Day four, I am hungry, beaten and broke
Still don’t know what they want.
And this is no joke.
“let me out I cried.”
For real, like a baby I cried.
Me, mister big man
I have endured as much as I can.
“Are you willing to talk?” said the outside voice.
“I’ll say anything you ask. What ever, your choice.”
“Just remove those lock
And let me out this box.”
“No not today, you are not ready yet.
One more day in the box.”
This time the outside voice sounded upset.

Day five, now I don’t know who I am talking to
Grandma stop by, and mom did too.
Dad sat awhile and we had fun
Until a stranger came over carry a gun.
He started asking me questions
But answers I could not give.
He fired off one round
Then he asked me did I want to live.
“Yes ,” I replied. “please take me home.”
“The people in that box, they want leave alone.”
Home? Take you home? You are home I’m afraid,”
The stranger did reply.
“So get used to that very little box
Because there you shall die.”

My life is only a short time
   Here on earth to live
So I have only one chance to enjoy
   Myself and no time to give.
I have no time for haters
  Who talk behind your back.
They waist their life spreading lies
  Because they don't know the facts.
I have no time for snakes
   Lying, waiting for a chance to strike.
Hoping I quit my goals
   And give up my endless fight.
I have no time for backstabbing
   With their sword and knife.
Jealousy is every man weakness.
    And yours I don't need in my life.
I have no time for dreamkillers.
    I fight to make my dreams come true.
I don't need someone criticizing
   My wishes and the things I do.
I have a plate load of failures behind me
   And I cast them out my mind.
So if you don't bring joy around me,
   Don't come because...
   I HAVE NO TIME!!!

today the sun shines
                     tomorrow the rain falls
trouble bears down on me
              and i have no one i can call.
i hide myself in the shadows  
                             of my own despair
where no can see
                             my face full of tears.
lonely, surrounded by familiar people
                   that i think i should know.
sad, i pretend to be happy
                                   everywhere i go.
time passes by, sometime fast,
                                   sometimes slow.
torching my soul day by day
                                  to do something.

life
joy and pain
death
sun and rain
boy
play all day
girl
run away
happy
sing a song
sad
play along
go
near and far
stop
see a star
always
a piece of mind
never
left far behind
leave
follow the tracks
return
don't look back
live
do your best
die
as you rest
dream
what may be
nightmare
how you see
noise
what you heard
poetry
just random words.

You bust the windows out my car
When you saw me out on a date.
I tried to let you know that we was through
But you just weren’t hearing what I had to say.
I never want us to get to this place
And destroying each other car
When you took out my windows
You knew you have gone too far.
I don’t have to spread the word
About what a crazy witch you are
You show the whole world when you
Bust the window out my car.
Just remember what comes around
Go back around (sometimes fast)
And you should not throw rocks
When you built your house out of glass.
I am trying to keep my cool
I am trying not to get upset.
I never thought you was a fool
And I am not the fool you thought you met.

I was lost in a world filled with disappointment and frustrations.
I was caught up in bad decisions
And suffered bad relations.
I walked down very dark alleys.
I drove down lonely streets.
I laid on corners night after night
Without  shoes on my feet.
I came, I saw.
I endured and over came my pain.
I struggle, i fought for joy.
Now joy fills my heart again.

We are two loves separated by the
     Distance of our minds
We are destined to be together, but
     Our feeling refuse to step aside.
Anger pours in my heart like
     A raging waterfall,
While love is beaten to its knees
     Like a baby trying to crawl.
In you, I see tears of a crying heart
     That you dread you have to bear.
I, also, the flames of agony
     Heating up your ****** tears.

What is it that keeps our hearts
     From becoming one?  We both
     Are searching for what one might
     Call love.
We are afraid that we might
     Find it, so we run.

Sure we fight with the odds
     That time will pass us by
     And that the thing they call love
     Will just leak our hearts?
An hour?
A day?
Sometimes I sit alone, staring at these
     Cold hard walls asking myself
     Do I really want this feeling
     To pass away.

Love, when and where I need it.
She is the full stomach when ever I need to feed it.
She is the kind word at the right time,
She is the comfort I need to sleep
When I lay down at night time.
Pleasure and peace,
When my life is surrounded with pain.
She bring in the sunshine when
I find myself caught in the rain.
A hug, when I need to know that
Someone cares,
And she is always around
When I need her there.
Life long of worth, is what she
Help me discovered
Who I really am, this is
What she helps me uncovered.
The right amount of love,
The right amount of joy she brings.
The right amount of comfort.
The right amount of everything.
I only wish that I was able to give her
All that she has given to me,
Because my grandmother has been
Everything I need her to be…