I've been thinking about love for awhile now. and I can't even think about how you can't look at the sun for too long without thinking about you. I can't look at you for more than a minute without getting bent about how ******* beautiful you are and how ordinary I am. ordinary at best. I'd plant kisses on your neck for the rest of my days if you'd give me the pleasure and god I've never wanted so badly to franticly run my fingers through your hair and down your spine just to assure myself that your skin is mine to touch for the moment. moment. what constitutes as a moment anyway? when he's looking in your eyes, not at them or as he's pulling you into bed at night? I want an eternity of more or less continuous moments. the truth is I want everything you have to offer and I'd be more than glad to take the good with the bad and always remember that each moment is a monument and I want to make mountains out of molehills just to have more time to fill your fingers with mine. the truth is there will never be enough time in the day or enough ways to say that I love you without feeling like someone else could have said it better. but I love you, god I love you and for whatever it's worth I think the sun ought to be jealous of your smile and you make the moon blush when you speak. they say each of us are made of star dust and the stars are made of us but you and me, we're made of each other. there's an entire solar system that revolves around the inside of my ribcage but I doubt that comes as any surprise to you. you've always been the earth and I'll always be the moon. every piece of me revolves around every inch of you, and I love you. I do.

they told me that true beauty
came from within
so i tore myself open
and i slit my skin
i hoped that some beauty would leak out
but all it did was fill me with doubts
they lied to me
why would they do such a thing?
no beauty on the outside
and no beauty within
and all that was left of my ceaseless attempts
were my       u g l y     scars
lining my body, my heart and my head


**( c )

i look at my wrists.
scarred.
my scars tell stories.
they are there for a reason.
reasons.
my family is in pain.
i know they would be better if i wasn't around.
i look back at the mirror.
i hit my reflection
unhappy with what i see.
my knuckles bleed.
i sit on the cold bathroom floor and everything around me becomes darkness.
pitch black darkness around me.
i look around lost.
your voice from somewhere in the darkness .
i follow it.
tripping over my own feet.
i call out your name.
no response.
why are you doing this?
i fall to my knees.
i cry.
"stop it!"
i scream out to you.
i feel a touch on my shoulder.
my mother.
she hugs me and tells me a story.
i look at her confused still crying.
i look around me.
a hospital scene.
my family surrounds me.
the family that i have left.
my sisters stand before me crying.
i ask what happened and what was going on.
they tell me i atemptemted suicide.
i cried.
asking why and how.
then i was surrounded by darkness again.