My confusion troubles me
My wondering depresses me
My depression worries me

I can no longer think for myself
What i hate most
Besides me
Is drowing but watching
Everyone else breathe and live
Playing hide and seek; never being found
I have become depression
I’m now the one digging my grave

My head is just too overwhelmed
By thoughts i didnt even put there
Too sad to live
Too broken to move
I lay here
To strong to die
Struggling and barely getting by

My mind is consumed in darkness
My confusion troubles me
My wondering depresses me
My depression worries me
As i lay here
Dead
Still breathing.

I want you
but i fear
i will fail you.
i wanted to shield you
from my pain. i failed
i wanted to love you
without hurting you
I'm sorry for hurting you.

i cant get out
im stuck
in this cycle
over and over
again and again
sin after sin
tear after tear.
I make the same mistake
i cant learn
i let you go twice
im too stupid
to realize
that its my choice
that caused all this pain
well done right?
i've succeeded at ruining everything
and everyone i care about.

When people ask what depression is like
I'm not sure how to explain it

Depression is like a giant black cloud
only surrounding you
while everyone else laughs and plays in the sunshine

It's watching everyone breathe freely
while you're drowning silently.

Depression feels as though everything is dark
and there is no light to be found
except when people shine light on you
And want you to give them something in return
But you don’t have anything left to give

Depression is a demon you can’t fight off
it's hiding under your bed
in your closet
in your nightmares.
Only you don’t wake up from the nightmare
You wake up to it.

Depression is not something you want,
But it’s something you can try to get through.
You have to have a little darkness for the stars to shine.
At some point or another
You have to realize
Depression is not a sign of weakness
It means you have been strong for too long
It means you have to realize some people
Belong in your heart, but not your life.

The brightest smiles hide the deepest secrets
The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears
The kindest hearts have felt the most pain.

Depression
It rips you apart
Skin by
Skin
Bone by
Bone
Cell by
Cell
Life by
Life
Its the 3am thoughts
Mind.
Constantly thinking, hesitating, deciding, wondering.
Anytime sadness seeps my bones
An explosion of emptiness evokes me
alone
I am an enemy of my own
All alone
Darkness

Depression
Its a canvas of negative emotion
The smile engraved on my face
The black hole within me
Not that you care.
The bruises on your knees
The blood on your wrist
The tears in your eyes
The pain
The one last goodbye


Depression is overwhelming
Its dangerous
Its weakness
Its me
So please just take it away.

The hard part
Is knowing that
You either win or die trying
There is no way to get rid of the depression2
Without getting rid of me
Because i am depression
The depression is me
It took over

it begins as an observation captured in a shutter
A single second
within you, within the world, within the moment.

Approach things at an angle
As you would with a camera
You flood your work with perspective and meaning, with love and hope
Stamp yourself to it
Claim it as your love

However sometimes you find yourself
At the top of the hill
The edge of the cliff
The perfect second
You click and its gone
No film, no perfect moment captured
It will never be the same
As your words fall off the line
Dissolved by time
You lay there
In pieces
Just like your work

Then with every year you lay your poetry
Alongside a wall, a table, anything
You will step back to find your story

So with that being said
if poetry should ever be photography - then -
it would be the photography of your soul.