Moving on has always been an issue
Long term memories are ingrained in my brain
Flashing every single moment of every single day
Yet I can't remember what I need at the grocery store
Letting go has always been an issue
Friendships have been buried, words will always be left unspoken
Letters and journals have been burned
Change has always been an issue
Moving every four years since I was born
A new set of walls, a new temporary home

**I have had the same phone number for seven years

You kept your eyes open during family prayer, so did I
I am losing my faith, praying to a God I find I don't really believe in

I want you so bad it hurts
I can't tell if I'm inflating your ego,
Or if you're smiling back because you feel the same

I feel ridiculous, stupid, hopelessly devoted

Nobody definitively knows about this thing I have for you
Not even you

I hugged my pillow all last night
It was the most comfortable I've been
The most sound I've slept
Holding something that I wish was you

I could fill notebooks
Combine countless letters
Create hundreds of metaphors
All of that couldn't compare
All of that couldn't express this,
This leech of a feeling that's inside of me

I will sing songs written by different people
About different boys, but I'll pretend I wrote them for you
I will fill notebooks and waste ink out of my favorite pens to get off my chest what no one will ever know

I think this is love, unrequited
I'll try my best not to let it show
Even if it seeps from my tear ducts

It was the second time seeing you
Where my heart didn't race since we've met
You looked so good it was, is still killing me
I wish I could kiss you, hug you
Sit in a knee touching radius to you

But....

Your heart races every time you see her
It kills you that you have finally found 'the one'
You kiss her and hug her at your own expense
Sitting so close, intricately intertwined like vines

Your voice
Your hands
Your eyes
Your knees
Your knuckles
Your smile
I could look at you for the rest of my life

Pulsing, shaking
My legs and arms felt weak
Nauseating, incessant
My stomach and ears couldn't take it
It was unbearable to hear the sound of my own heart beating