The smell of your shampoo breezes
Through me as I gently inhale
What a sweet scent
It takes me to a time
A time that will never exist
A time and place we can never be

Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes
I start life anew
A fresh, clean slate
I live with the things that happened
The horrors that haunt my dreams
And with my strength
I embrace the things to come
No person or event can ruin me
They only make me stronger, better
Positivity inked on my skin forever
A constant reminder of what is expected
What I expect of myself
strength
Perseverance
Love
The ability to love myself again
The ability to love others again
It is a long road that I must face
A constant battle with my worst enemy
Me, Myself and I
I am willing to take that risk
I am willing to fight the demons and the enemy
The challenge at hand
I crave it
I am ready for it

Your breath on my neck
So warm and welcoming
You started to pull away
Further and further
Suddenly
You were gone
An empty spot next to me
So cold
So empty
Mixed emotions
Unsure of what to do
Stomach turning, flipping
The urge to cry
The stronger urge not to
Stay strong
Stay strong
Stay strong


I'll try

I always do

When I look
At that certain spot
On my floor,
I remember you.

If I think hard enough
I can still feel the heat
Of your body
Radiating towards mine.

Polite company
Keeps us apart
For the moment.
But behind
The closed door
Of that room
We can be
As close
As we want.

Our bodies gravitate
Closer and closer.
I feel your hands
Lightly graze
Over my hips.

I pull you down,
Harder,
Onto me.

Nervous energy turns to
Silly excitement.
Silly excitement becomes
Genuine happiness.

This is actually happening
Our body heat combines
Creating one strong force
Of passion
Of energy
Of excitement

When it is all over
We meet each other’s lazy gaze,
Share a quick kiss,
Laugh and promise
That this will happen again.


And it has.

There was a dark cloud
That used to follow me around
Constantly plaguing my every thought
Poisoning my mind and spirit

For most of my life
I knew this cloud
Not a friendly fellow, was he
He took me to shadowy places
Too hard to escape

The cloud forced negativity into me
Causing me to force it back onto
The ones I love
And the world I came to know

A constant sadness rained upon me
There seemed to be no escape
The cloud made me hate myself
Made me sick
Almost too sick to heal

Until I grew tired of the cloud
Grew tired of the negativity
Grew tired of the sadness

My life is my own
Only I can control it
Not the cloud
Or anyone else

The cloud still visits
From time to time
But not nearly as often

I think I bruised my lips
From biting down so hard
When I was at my peak
Thinking of you

Sweaty and out of breath
I stare at the ceiling
Wondering if you're doing the same

In time we will bruise each others lips
From biting and kissing hard
While at the peak
Of being with each other

Both sweaty and out of breath
We will look at the ceiling
Then at each other
With glazed over eyes
And relish in the experience we shared.

When I look
At that certain spot
On my floor,
I remember you.

If I think hard enough
I can still feel the heat
Of your body
Radiating towards mine.

Polite company
Keeps us apart
For the moment.

But behind
The closed door
Of that room
We can be
As close
As we want.

Our bodies gravitate
Closer and closer.

I feel your hands
Lightly graze
Over my hips.

Nervous energy turns to
Silly excitement.
Silly excitement becomes
Genuine happiness.

When it is all over
We meet each other’s lazy gaze,
Share a quick kiss,
Laugh and promise
That this will happen again.

But that chapter is over.

For a new one
has begun.

He is kind.
He is sweet.
He is the farthest thing from you.

He is someone to love.
And he sees
That I am
Someone to love, too.

When I look
At his small bed
In his even smaller apartment

I see the future
And not just the past.