Maddie Lane

Maddie Lane May 13

here you are,
again,
sweetness & smiles
patience & kindness

and i'm back to thinking
that maybe,
i think i like this little life

but
it's not a life,
not really.
it's fleeting,
temporary.
it's what happens in between all of life's moments.
it's hotel rooms,
and taxi rides.
it will be gone soon.

(i was right)

Maddie Lane May 4

disconnect

yes,
i love a compliment
(i'm only human)
but this is getting confusing.

if i'm so great
why couldn't you stay?

if i'm so deserving of love
why couldn't you love me?

if i'm so beautiful
why'd you always criticize me?

you were dead-set on tearing me down.

& now,
i wonder,
do you hear yourself
when you say these sweet things to me?

what do you really think,
when you think of me?

Maddie Lane Mar 17

old wounds

this hurt
is new
but really, it's not

for you
i'd break my heart
over and over
if it means
getting to feel the warmth of your love,
the comfort of your embrace,
hear the peal of your laughter,
even if it's only for a moment

& maybe
there will be a time
where i get sick of the back and forth
when i get tired of the old wounds re-opening

but maybe
there will be a time
where you want to sit still
and grow with me
when you want to stay long enough
to heal me

the only way to know
is time

Maddie Lane Nov 2024

too late

was i not someone worth missing six months ago?

why are you giving me
what i so badly wanted then
now?

you're giving me
'i miss you's
hand over fist

but you wouldn't give me them
when i was so alone
and crying on the phone
begging for a sign that you cared

why has my worth changed?
why was i not good enough before?
why does this hurt so much?

Maddie Lane Oct 2024

out of sight

do you think of me?
when i'm not there?

do you play back the memories
of our times
(both good and bad)
?

or

do you forget me
once i'm out of sight?

Maddie Lane Sep 2024

possibilities

where does it go
after this
when all is said and done

will you flit in and out of my life again
or
will i see myself out of yours

(save myself a little hurt)
(maybe)

or do we meet somewhere in the middle
not strangers,
but acquaintances of some sort

to be honest,
it's been so long
that it's hard to imagine
a life without you

but please,
don't get confused,
this doesn't mean that i want anything back
i wouldn't change anything
(except the timing)
(would have maybe tried to see the rug
before it was pulled out from under me)

rest assured,
you do not have the power any longer

it's just
strange
to think of my life
without you in it

Maddie Lane Aug 2024

pyrrhic victory

was it worth it?
they'll ask,
the time
the effort
the love.
was it all wasted?

honestly,
i'll say,
i don't know.

it was my highest high
and some of my lowest lows

if you'd have asked me
where i thought i'd be by now
i'd tell you,
it wasn't here

i saw a future
(a long one)
full of growth
and love
and good food.

and maybe
(most likely)
i'm a naive fool

but maybe
(also likely)
i was just hopeful

so i'll stop short
of tearing my heart from my sleeve
i won't let myself grow cold and heart
i'll stay soft and tender
(for now)