was i not someone worth missing six months ago?

why are you giving me
what i so badly wanted then
now?

you're giving me
'i miss you's
hand over fist

but you wouldn't give me them
when i was so alone
and crying on the phone
begging for a sign that you cared

why has my worth changed?
why was i not good enough before?
why does this hurt so much?

where does it go
after this
when all is said and done

will you flit in and out of my life again
or
will i see myself out of yours

(save myself a little hurt)
(maybe)

or do we meet somewhere in the middle
not strangers,
but acquaintances of some sort

to be honest,
it's been so long
that it's hard to imagine
a life without you

but please,
don't get confused,
this doesn't mean that i want anything back
i wouldn't change anything
(except the timing)
(would have maybe tried to see the rug
before it was pulled out from under me)

rest assured,
you do not have the power any longer

it's just
strange
to think of my life
without you in it

there won't be a house,
picket fences,
or a pool

no stone house
in the italian countryside

no brownstones full of books

in fact,
there won't a future,
not for us,
and that's okay
(is what i tell myself)

at least
there's no shouting,
no hatred,
just
giving up

and that's fine
(is what i tell myself)

yes, i said goodbye
in a poem
six years ago
and now i'll have to say it again
i can do it
(is what i tell myself)

and maybe
one day
when all this is over
we'll be friends
(is what i tell myself)

don't know where to start
don't know when you stopped
caring
liking
wanting
i just know that it's gone

know that i'm
alone
& that you don't mind that

and that's okay
i guess
i'm used to it

i would've appreciated a warning
would've liked to not gotten into it so deeply
but whatever
life goes on
i guess