It's been awhile, hasn't it?
Almost 2 years, I believe.
For 2 years I haven't stopped thinking of you.
I thought of you when I was too drunk to think of myself.
I thought of you when I was sober and trying to make my winged eyeliner even,
as if you would notice.
Don't tell me you feel the same about me.
When I saw you crack the spine of your book,
I was jealous because I wish you would do the same to me.
I wish you would pick up my words and see inside of me.
Yet, I still think every call or conversation is a new start
but only another sentence to a love that is untried and unrequited.

you're like the bad sequel to my favorite movie
you're like the broken pen that I liked too much to throw away
you're like getting drunk alone
you're like staying up all night on accident
you're like an overrated romantic comedy
you're like a bouquet at a funeral
you're the boy who will never know I have a notebook
full of bad poems about you

As the sky began to fade to a lighter shade
the stars bid their farewell
and the ones that fell to the earth
took all my wishes with them
and 11:12 laminated my disappointment
you're still over there
and I'm still here

You are racing through my veins
and running through my mind, keeping me sane
You put the stars in my sky
and the color in my eyes.
You built my world up,
but you also tore it down.
I wasn't a beautiful creation to you,
I was a vacant, old building
you no longer found use for

Before you,
I never sung in the shower or swayed my hips to my favorite songs.
I never knew what waking up with my lips curved felt like.
You turn my thoughts into something that resembles a Salvador Dali painting and my words into a flustering bustle of syllables.

Before you,
Everything seemed like a balancing tight rope act that I always seemed to fail and fall.
I kept thinking about you being betrayed by those before me and I will never understand
because nobody could ever compare to you.
And I still remember the first night I talked to you and I promised myself I would never let you go
even if everything fades or ends abruptly,
I will still have you forever on my paper in my favorite poems.
The human heart is a very tricky thing and the past has proven that most things aren't easy
but, you come so naturally. Every word I write about you flows out so easily despite the fact I will only ever always barely touch the surface when it comes to how magnificent you are. I will forever try to expand my vocabulary in search of the correct words to describe you.

Before you,
my notebook pages filled up to the brim with skeletons from my closet and ghosts from my past but they have since been replaced with embarrassing doodled hearts and words that no longer leave me preoccupied with loneliness.

There were so many before you,
some I only glanced at in crowded rooms and some I tightly held hands with,
but none of them look like you do in a crowded room
and none of their hands felt like yours
and they never will.

most of the world doesn't make sense to me
like the way strangers with cozy eyes and half smiles
often keep nice words to themselves
or the way the flowers i pick
and put in pretty vases on display
die so quickly
or how my cuts and scrapes from small mistakes
take so long to heal

You are in my head even when you're not in sight.
You are the notes I scribbled onto paper.
Stop stealing my time
after all that's been wasted
trying to convince you
to love me too

I was once told that loneliness was a virtue,
a gift,
the only way to prevent the pain of misguided company
and company that always departs
I was once told to protect myself,
build up walls and set up guards
I did
I was once told that this is the only way to prevent suffering,
it wasn't until I built up walls and set up guards that fought off misguided conversations and departing company
that I realized they were wrong

I hope you're listening
to all my twisted words
and seeing all my
broken thoughts spilled on the paper
although I never got them quite right,
they'll always be about you