Come on now, brother
you were raised so well,
you got everything you ever wanted
and as far as we could tell
you were going to go far
no one expects the worst
but sadly now, it's all we know
it's troublesome for all,
it feels like a curse

I know it must be harder than it seems
wanting something so badly,
nearly breaking at the seams
but it is up for you to decide whats important
this life is only all it means

You had all the friends you could've dreamed of
you were part of the cool crowd
I looked up to you
even when you and your friends were too loud
too loud quickly became too much
and pretty soon, we were out of touch
the sad part is neither of us made an effort to show we cared
and you needed me most, but I wasn't there

you went off to college
to become a better man
to make something of yourself
to be able to publicly stand
and say, "I am a college graduate,
the first in my family
look how far I've come everyone
my life is no longer in shambles"

you were always off of the rocker
you weren't fooling anyone
you came back home and it wasn't a shocker
you never could put those old habits down
your blue eyes glossy, always wearing that frown
your face broken out, covered in sweat
we tried and tried to tell you to give it a rest

we all love you,
and we want you to understand
we aren't trying to hurt you
just trying to have you land
this plane you've been on
way up high
it's been 8 years
come down, Stetson
it's time

You've spent too many minutes
with that gun in your mouth
You've been too close to death
I've seen it, I've lost count

Where is the brother I know and admire
I want you to tell the truth,
you've never been a good liar
I want to share more with you than just mundane talks
they don't mean anything, and
I wish you'd walk
away from this life and move on from the past
you're no longer the "cool guy"
you're better than that
you're smart and talented
and you're my brother,
I'll always have your back
I've seen you at your lowest,
these are things I'll never forget
but we all need to move on
rid of our regrets

Stetson, I love you,
I really do
but I want to hold on to more than these memories of you

I know you wouldn't approve of my cigarette smoking
But realize I do it hoping
That you will chastise me
Just to get some kind of emotion out of you
You never tell me how you feel, yet
The harsh smoke has no trouble leaving me blue
And feeling blue
Is certainly something I feel from you
Ever since you left on that hot day in September
Fall was just about to wrap us in it's golden leaves
But you chose to leave
You chose to leave
Not me
So don't expect me to be here
Waiting on you
When Spring approaches in its rainy ways
Even though I'll never admit it to you, I counted down the days
Till I would see you again
But this time is different
We were more than just friends
So what will we be
When you decide you've had enough of the sea
And how long will it take
For my heart to mend

One day we will be together
Without missing one another
Without always having to leave
Without sleeping alone, having bad dreams

You'll wake up for work
Just like you always wanted
With me by your side
I'll kiss you goodbye
And forget that you're gone
Because unlike then, you'll be back before long

You'll call me on your way home and tell me about your day
While all along waiting for me to say
"I love you"…
I don't say it
Because I don't want to wear it out

There have been times in the past
When I've wanted to shout it
Or tell every person I see
That I'm in love with someone who understands me

It means a lot to hear it
And I know you know
I love you forever
You're the match to my soul

I want to tell you so many things that I have known since before time unfolded
I want to erase the lines between your ears where your face so perfectly fits
I want to blur all boundaries until you are nothing but the idea I have of you
I want to fall so hard into you that I forget everything I once knew to be true
So I can relive the evolution of mankind with only you in mind
So I can reinvent the wheel based on your sacred geometry
And forge a universe from nothing but that which we can experience together

I want to be transparent so you can observe how you displace my organs
And strew them across my body like constellations in the night sky
I want to open my mind and pour it out onto the floor in hopes that you will join me
Until we cannot discern who thought which feeling and who felt which thought
And we will never bother to clean up our mess for all of eternity

You make me spill all about, but I strain to collect every last drop
So I can hope to fill your cup to the brim
And you can drink me until you see the bottom
I want to seep into the cracks of your dilapidated and broken heart
I want to show you that it is okay to be lonely

I have been alone since I found you

You can laugh
But you dare not speak

You can love
But you cannot cry

You can move
But move slowly

For each second that passes
A part of you dies

We are sad
We are stubborn
We are laying, simply loving
We are looking for what can't be found
(You'll find it if you stop looking around)
We are fickle
We are dumb
We drink just to get drunk
We smoke just to get high
We drive just to watch the road fly by
beneath us,
We see
What we used to be
And all we have become
Starts to rush up
Into our calloused hands
Smaller than the grains of sand
We are
We are tiny
We are dull
We are weak, never full
Never satisfied
Never pleased
God himself couldn't bring us to our knees
'Cause we are selfish and we are scared
Living life unprepared
Never know whats to come
Nothings promised to be fun
But one thing I can tell you
About the human race
Is that love can change a man
You can tell - look at his face

It has always been you
I don't know why I try to deny
We sit together
We could do anything -
We could watch paint dry
And each moment would be as good as the last
And each moment I pray won't pass
No amount of time is long enough
When you're young and in love

I like it when the tall grass reaches out towards the roads
I like it when we're hiding in sheets, clenching our toes
I like it when you look at me and say nothing aloud
I like it when you read my writing and tell me you're proud

I like it when we can ride to the beach and take off our hats
I like it when we sit so long just staring at the grass
I like it when the birds fly overhead and steal our attention
I like you 'cause I know it's love without having to mention

You're the best thing I've ever seen
Don't know really what its come to mean
But when I look at you,
It's as if my heart swells
I know, I know, it's an old tale
But truthfully,
I spend all of my time thinking about you
Think so hard my face turns blue
'Cause I'd rather think than breathe,
You mean that much to me
I have a lot to learn
That can't be denied
But we can do it together
Just like the waves and the tides

If you ever feel that something or someone is too far away
Remember the sun
And how it touches your skin
And provides for you every day

There was a time
I was maybe nine
I could not stop staring into the sunshine

Suzy told me I'd go blind
I didn't believe her but
I said I wouldn't mind

When I finally took my eyes from the sun
I started to run
I faintly remember falling
And then smiling towards the sky

I understood why

As long as I know
Where you are
As long as I know
You're not far
I'll be okay

As long as you know
That I'll never lie
As long as you know
That I'll always be shy
You'll be okay

As long as we know
We have each other
As long as we know
To travel further
We'll be okay

We'll be in each others arms again soon
We'll climb mountains and try to reach up and touch the moon
We'll sleep next to one another and tell each other stories from our past
While knowing all along that good things don't always last
Can't be scared of moving on
Can't be scared of trying
Every single day we think about dying

Know that we always sleep under the same stars
Keep this in mind and it will never be hard
We have everything
And nothing
And I couldn't want more of you
Than when you look at me that way you do

You're eyes so full but you never speak
The silence between us lasts for weeks
I don't mind, as long as you don't
I'll be here for now, and then I won't

And you will find me
Wherever our paths may cross
Me and you, forever lost

Venture out and you'll see me
Living quietly in the overgrown, flowery moss
You're free to join me
And together we'll be

You're the finest company

Your lips were icy cold
I never thought I could be so bold
I couldn't help but take control
When you looked at me with those eyes
I only wanted to make that lonely, beautiful face come alive again
Your broken heart, I could mend
If only for a night, give me this
You wanted it as much as I did

What do you expect of me
This is only real in my dreams
I picked you up, and held you close
Pushed you ever so gently
Against the wall
This is what I wanted most
I didn't want to let you go

I kept kissing your icy lips
Ran my fingers along your bony hips
Took you slowly and placed you on the bed
I was wrapped up in you inside my head
I would never forget this
For it was only a dream, after all
Maybe someday I will hold you
Maybe someday I won't fall

I want to be
The grass beneath your feet

I want to be
The cold, wet concrete

I want to be
The sand masked in heat

I want to be
The rocks that cut you deep

I want to be
The dirt that covers your cleats

I want to be
The ground you walk on
So carefully

I always want to be this close to you

I envy how often
It touches your soles
Grasping on, if only for a moment
Rushing up
Through your legs
Through your body
Through your soul

Each step makes you who you are
Each step takes you a little further from me

If I counted how many times a day I thought of you
It would be much too many

Having a hard time forgetting the way your face lights up a room
(Like a light that never goes out)

With the freckles below your eyes
And although I haven’t seen every inch of you,
I adore you

Your thoughts are like maps leading me to where I've always known but never had the courage to go
Your body is like a temple where I have always wanted to sit and listen quietly but never had the willpower to
Your face is like a prism full of love and the afterlife of which I have always wondered about but have been too scared to know
Your words are letters thats form on the tip of your tongue and drift out in perfectly formed sentences that I have never had the intelligence to create

If only I could get close to these depths of you that keep me so far away

I laid on my back and watched the clouds roll over above me. I had been wondering about clouds for a long time now. It seemed I was slowly figuring it out. Figuring out about clouds, and figuring out about myself.
I was waiting for your arrival. I expected you to show up behind me, seeing you walk over to me upside down. I'd like to see you in every angle.
You came on your bike, and although I didn't see you throw it on the ground, I knew you did. You were excited to see me. I was excited to see you, too.
You sat next to me on the beach and I realized that it was a perfect moment. Not the typical perfect moment, but I enjoyed you being by my side. I always do.
You said you wanted to read my work. There is a little bit of you inside everything that I have written. Not intentionally, but you have always been there. In the back of my mind, just hanging out. Getting to know me, slowly, over time.
I laid my head in the sand as the wind rushed my hair back and forth across my face. I cleared the hair from my eyes, catching glimpses of the suns light casting down on me. I caught your eyes on mine. I looked back at you for a quick second and turned away. It's all I can stand, really. (And no, not in a bad way)

You brought me a poem
And the pill
We couldn't stand still

We made small talk
And jokes about what we had done
For little do we know
Whats to come

I was high and you were tired
Our only fear was of desire

We tasted the night
On our lips
And I felt sadness and regret
On your fingertips

We were so lonely together
But lonely apart
We hadn't known
Where to start

You stole me of my innocence
And I wish you'd get the hint
(I delighted in that)

My love is torn apart
Like the yarn that comes from your sweater
You know it’s there
But you never know when it will start to unravel
Unravel 'til there is nothing left but one long string,
What’s left is my love for you
From the tints of red and blue
I never saw anything quite as beautiful
The way the thread touches your soft skin beneath it
Like it wants nothing but to be worn,
And worn out

Your love runs deep
But it doesn’t tap into the water
That makes up 90% of my body
Flowing through,
Every heartbeat
Every pulse
Every word
That comes out, is for you
More importantly
Every word
That doesn’t come out
Is for you

I keep most things in
Like a safe that has been untouched for years
The dust on top aches to dance
And whirl about
But its duty is to hold our families most prized possessions
The type of holding that no lover knows
Birth certificates, life insurance, wills,
But does any of that matter aside to prove we are but a tiny piece in the puzzle of life

We see ants like we see people, just another thing that is in the way
We’d rather stomp on their souls than lead them to where light is
Because if someone is in our way
At the wrong time,
Better believe we will make it right
Have to be at this very important meeting, at this very important time, to get very important money, to buy very important things

What a shame
We all are
But you never shame me
Sitting at the top of the highest tree
Looking about with your telescope eyes
You cry
“We are all tiny fragments found within the oldest ship in the sea!”
Underwater broken up and scattered about
The captain tries to collect us, reconnect us
But would rather drink instead
He is our god, for all we know
His head is cloudy and his eyes are dull
He gathers our pieces to construct them as one
But is rocked by a wave and loses us forever

What were you to me
But a dream,
But dust
On the flower that I gave you
Two months after we met
That you kept on your dresser
As if it would make a difference if it was there or not

Your ocean like eyes showed me the answer when I showed up that day
I was lost in them but I heard you say
“I’m going away”

My heart sank like an anchor holding up time on a never ending clock
Ticking away until one day it stopped

My feet get wet
When I walk to your place
Much too late at night

I take the long way
Just to get around
I hear natures sound
And yearn for your taste

I watch my own shadows
Cast upon the damp grass
Smile to myself as I look like a giant

Never walking too fast
I know I will see you soon
My path lit by the moon
These walks are for you

I make coffee
As you read the paper
And jot down your thoughts from the night before

Typical of you, April
To go and make madmen of us all

Your warm touch
As you greet me from behind
The morning light seeping through
Our tattered blinds

As you eat your breakfast
You tell me there is no need to worry,
Everything will work out

I believe you
Your eyes are innocent as you talk

Slowly you rid of my disguise
As you lean in for a kiss
We go about our days
And we bask in what we now know
As happiness

We are cut from the same apple
But I don’t even like apples
And you prefer pears

Regardless of fruit,
I believe that we go well together
You’re the apple of my eye

I see myself in you
When you’re fumbling your words,
Or tripping over air
Honestly though, I don’t care
I’ve embraced the flaws of the human race

I remember how nervous you were,
And how nervous I always am
That night we dove into each others arms
We didn’t look back as we woke up in the ocean

You moved the hair from my eyes
And I saw clearly
Perhaps, blurrier than before
What I knew all along
Didn’t matter anymore

sometimes poems come to you
like clouds come to the sky
like death comes to life
like the moment we met
i will never forget
your hands
unusual,
but lovely
and strong
your tone of voice
loud,
yet gentle

you are so strong
you could lift mountains
turn them upside down so that we all see anew
you could pluck clouds from the sky
and hand them out
to individuals dealing with the same things as you
there are no limits
besides the ones you place upon yourself
and you placed so many
you are capable of the world
and more

i opened my mouth
to let you in
little by little
you are getting to know me
"it is me you're talking to"
you say
in hopes that i will trust you
but little do you know
no woman
can trust a man
it is in our bones

i opened my mouth
so you could plant kisses inside
watch them grow
and turn into a beautiful garden
because everything is beautiful when you're around
i'm not just saying that
i mean it
and now i'm spitting up flowers

i opened my mouth
in hopes that you could find
whatever it was within me
that left me feeling so alone
drag it out and
reconstruct the area
you know what you're doing
as if you haven't done this before
you know
how to make a woman
feel mad

I want to see what the birds see
dancing above in flocks
beautifully moving together,
each one doing their part
(I wonder if they know they're creating art)
I wonder if they realize
that some human is looking upon them in awe
Standing tall,
making sure not to miss any of it all

I want to see what the birds see
flying above my head
always having a birds eye view
seeing things anew
they see sights I've never even dreamed of
couldn't grasp the perspective
looking down on everything
lives changed

I want to see what the birds see
their wings flapping gracefully
never losing touch with the sky
the clouds are their friends
the trees their humble homes
at liberty to wander and roam
the birds are living free
the birds are living as we should be

look at my nothingness
and tell me everything you see
look at my emptiness
and tell me how to be full
look at the way my heart is sinking
and pull it back up
swing it
to the moon and back
so i can create stars with my fingertips
take it to foreign lands
so it can learn the language of love
and how to be
someones everything
hitchhike with it in the desert
and let it become so dry
that it almost greets death
that way
it will learn that this life
doesn't go on forever
and love
won't wait
travel to the west and show it the mountains
point out the crests and the peaks
where lovers have stood
and found themselves
in each other
maybe one day
my heart will find me