i would say i fell for you
just like a child
but i fell for you harder than that
i fell for you just like
an embryo may fall for
the hope that he'll be born
only to be aborted way too soon.

you were every inch of my hope
of being alive. you were darkness
but only darkness refined
you were the nights we took
acid in venice beach
looking for real excuses to be high

we found oceans of friends
flooding waves of laughter,
i remember clinging to your chest
your pale face lit by neon diner windows
looking up into the sparkle of your
(god i swear they were) silver eyes
and getting caught in the under toe.

you left me flat,
gave me a vow and went on home.
you broke my heart like a wishbone.
i suffer still from scars
three years on..

and i can't even
remember your name,
Scorpio.

eyes like little seaglobes
glass spinning in circles
so wide and unwavering;
a smile that stretched
real tight over
rugged english teeth.

you laughed at the darkest
of my most self loathing jokes
manic words of bulimia
and blow binges.
i fell in love with you second
you fell for me first.
did you think you could save me?

in many ways, you did.

i played Dolores Haze
sitting sideways on your lap
on your birthday
i felt kidnapped
by incessant language
i felt intrigued by genius.
i kissed the brunette above your lip
old fashioned mustached man.
pastry eyes i could've eaten for days.

my second gemini
was thin and frail
high on amphetamines
and drunk on ego
he weaved in and out of me
like a snake looking for peace.
he fidgeted nervously
after every ******
i gave him
(or he gave himself on top of me)

mercurial men
hell bent on
changing the world
with no aid beyond
the words in their mouths

i turn to face you,
having just had you
lolling in the sleeping afterglow
but you're not beside me
you're inside of me
hovering just centimeters over me
wrapping warm my body
in your silk blankets,
a heartbeat swaddled.
when did you start to love me so much?
weren't it just yesterday
you had me clinging to
ceramic tiles for any sense
of comfort while my
insides were spilling out?

i suppose i always
asked for a lover
as complicated as this.

you
in perfect transparent
translations
6 dimensional shapes
rolling, falling, flying
away.
i have no idea who or what
you are.

remember that chinese place
off old 66?
i had no idea who i was then
but i would do it a million times over
again and again.

schizophrenic eyes
telephone conversations
alternate zodiacs, tigers and sheep.

piscean planning
and piscean demise.

dolores haze,
her very essence left
trampled on the page.
she was such a beauty in those days.

do you remember those
san franciscan lies?
they say it never rains
but i see that it does
all the time.
i’m still staying there
for all my life.

sweet, sick little complexities
there’s never a cycle you break.
you were in a room rull of people
who would meet your same fate.
three before thirty
you had no clue you’d lead the way.

socially starved, you say?
i guess i can’t deny it,
but i’ll fight it.

aches in the old familiar way
that your heart once did
as a child, begging for love
as your mother's side,
to be quietly pushed away.
to have been shut up with
television, pills, food

(to think of your youth
well there's no word
to describe the guilt.
your mere birth was an
act of abuse on humanity,
wasn't it?)

this new ache though
leads to a progression
a growth in shrinkage
a strength in will that
you never thought was real.

this ache takes you
to a secret hidden place
full of the shimmering hope
that you'll feel whole one day.

sitting in the ****** sunlight
pondering **** Jagger
and who’ll inherit his lips when he dies.
smoke chains from my mouth and
Motown comes to mind.
What I Got is a pregnant cat
with cautious green eyes.
what i think i’ll do is wait,
but when will i stop?

i’ve read my calendars
birthed my charts
and i still can’t decide.

wind blows up my shirt
school buses scream by.
Hey, Children, Hi.

my nicoteen teeth burp
and i’m pushing out a cigarette
heading back inside.

i know exactly how that
rebellion through ancient history
wove like ribbons in and out
of the heart of me.

my mind came alive
hearing stories of mythological
proportions. i kept breathing
just to hold and smell, feel, hear
a wax pressing. something that
changed hearts around the world
a half century ago.

my body was bound by icy
insecurities. you set them free.
stone cold blues brought out
the best of me.

there's no turning back

taste me like the sucker
you bought nonchalantly
at the drug store
picking up your self medication.
the pop you'll **** on
to ease the nausea
to keep your insides in
when they most definitely
will wish to be out.

instead you taste me
like the cough syrup
you guzzle down
finish the bottle in three
bittersweet gulps
that make you cringe
that make you gag.
that's me in that 4oz bottle
380mg of illusion.

I've let the world know that I love you (though my soul has loved you longer than my bones have known you) for 366 days now. I don't know how many days make up the centuries to come, but whichever the number is will be the number they put in the record books. "The Man Who Was Loved the Most and the Longest" the photograph will be of you, smiling aged in a worn out chair, wrinkled eyes and grayed hairs. And i'll be there, leaning into your side with a smile wider than any famous canal, prouder than any other historical landmark. Stronger than any ship that's sailed earth's raging waters.
Yeah, we'll own the record books and the text books and the bibles to come. Each page will have our names written somewhere, microscopic in the ink of every line and every marking will be with our love laced. There won't be a pixel without a hex code that doesn't decipher in beyond cryptic ways to our lattitudes/longitudes, names or even our own birthdates or anniversary dates. No one will know it, but we're gonna rule the world someday. Now be it so that the world we rule will not the same as the world the Other's know, it will be the world just the same. Though what we'll conquer will exist in only invisible dimensional planes (such as our brains), it's still ours to take.

the king is living,
i see his law
in every rhythm of our feet
and every spark of my creativity.
he is here when the colors blend.
his crown of sacrifice
haunts me when i shut my eyes.
and i breathe,
and i know freedom.
i know the king.

it’s in these unsuspecting faces where i find love.the oblivious glance you give while i’m picking myself apart for it.
because that crack of your smile may be the deepest that i’ll get.
sleep by the side of unrequited emotions.
in the night, i see jack-o-lantern eyes.
i hear the witches call.
i’ve over grown these bones and they just need the rest.
but your stomping feet on darkened streets echos in my sleep.
the memorial cadence i can’t quite escape.
chopped, bipolar thoughts. stuck in a corner, each wall turned away.
by knowing that i love you, i force this sun to be alone.

walking thoughtlessly,
a ****** path.
head in the clouds,
heart in the ocean.

admired the shores,
you did
i bet.

your skin of scales
reflective, but frail,
so badly bruised.
your last breath,
i hope you enjoyed it
while you could.

the fact of my disease are the claw marks on my hands,
shaking away from me, afraid to make another hit.
i think of the nights we spent drinking the blood from each others lips.
god, were it not a divine kiss?
the saints smiled at this sacrifice, their martyrdom fully recognized.
the waves are crashing in on me and the smoke is turning blue,
or is that just you?
suffocating under the pressure of oil under my skin.
you speak words i can’t calculate and cry noiselessly
when the floods come. une deluge rouge.
weren’t you asking for it?
"blind eyed boy, show me a miracle.
take the blood from your veins and let me see that you’re still living.”
but what came was not blood, nor was it lovely.
chemical composition, robotic rust.
"you look so beautiful in the dark,
when the only thing i see is the sound of your heavy breathing.”
i see you’ve fallen asleep.
allouise, allouise.

you ask for ***
in the most pathetic ways
pawing at my jeans
making puppy eyes at me.

dropping obvious hints
"i want you" &
singing about my skin.

sometimes you make me sick

how could i deny the taste
of the lips that changed
every single part of me?
the stars crossed us so
tightly bound that i know
there's good reason to
laugh at the idea of 'escape'

there ain't no escaping you babe

press release
please please me
you're a stunner
gonna find another
walk the line
aqua eyes
baby pink basonette
the eyes of God
aren't even real at all.

because your hair curls so slightly in the spring
that i must see you everyday.
til come summer when you cut it all away.
you call on me anyway,
sayin’ that you like the way i make the waters wave.