i played Dolores Haze
sitting sideways on your lap
on your birthday
i felt kidnapped
by incessant language
i felt intrigued by genius.
i kissed the brunette above your lip
old fashioned mustached man.
pastry eyes i could've eaten for days.

my second gemini
was thin and frail
high on amphetamines
and drunk on ego
he weaved in and out of me
like a snake looking for peace.
he fidgeted nervously
after every ******
i gave him
(or he gave himself on top of me)

mercurial men
hell bent on
changing the world
with no aid beyond
the words in their mouths

eyes like little seaglobes
glass spinning in circles
so wide and unwavering;
a smile that stretched
real tight over
rugged english teeth.

you laughed at the darkest
of my most self loathing jokes
manic words of bulimia
and blow binges.
i fell in love with you second
you fell for me first.
did you think you could save me?

in many ways, you did.

taste me like the sucker
you bought nonchalantly
at the drug store
picking up your self medication.
the pop you'll **** on
to ease the nausea
to keep your insides in
when they most definitely
will wish to be out.

instead you taste me
like the cough syrup
you guzzle down
finish the bottle in three
bittersweet gulps
that make you cringe
that make you gag.
that's me in that 4oz bottle
380mg of illusion.