i saw a homeless man
fidget with a twist tie
the way i fidget with my rings
crossing bourbon street
alive with the fare-thee-well
of sober times.
with weak conviction,
i admit the stars crossed one of us
and cut the other a break.
we are both drunk,
we are both merry.
we are embroiled in the microcosm
New Orleans has to offer
one day a year, guilt-free.
he jingles his cup for coins
and i show my **** for beads
and i will be bedecked in glitter
and jewels,
and he will sleep on the stoop.
but we both find our shoes drenched
in the mysterious gray waters
that plague that street tonight.
with the guise of my beads
i feel like a queen
but it would make no difference
if i were a homeless man
fidgeting with a twist tie
on bourbon street,
jingling my cup for coins
and sleeping on the stoop.

he bets 7 to 1 odds
you'll lose your roll
forfeit your money
or forfeit your soul

a crooked smile
you haven't seen in a while
you want to trust
but you know will beguile

a crossed promise and a bit lip
a shrouded truth and honest fib
he means nothing he says
- but everything he did.

my grandmother was born
a squalling baby
in the sun of the Ukraine,
her mother too young
and a father too violent.
she led her through the wheat fields
whose long tresses tangled
in her pale ankles
to a pond behind the farm
where she tried to drown her.
a passerby intervened
and raised my grandmother
with his wife up the hill
on their own.

she spent her life
not cursing the hands
that sought to destroy
when they ought to have held
but thanking the hands
that pulled her
from the freezing water
on a crisp morning
in the fields of the Ukraine
lungs still full of breath
and eyes full of trust

Every crumb, a cake
Each flower, a bouquet
I hoarded tiny treasures
And tucked them safe away
And though I knew you’d go
I’d always hoped you’d stay
I had interpreted your vice
As a tender, warm embrace.

Red rover, red rover
heart of gold
and bed of clover.
chip in the pocket
and twenty months sober.
times moving fast
and I wish it were slower.
an old open wound
that longs for some closure.
a day in the sun
and a night in exposure.
twenty-five years
yet it's already over.

We are expired prime
with nothing left but ribs,
a derelict butchery.
I gave myself 30 more seconds
to count every line in your hands
before I left
but it would never be enough time
for you have so many wrinkles
from pinky promises
and crossed fingers.
I will remember
your slumbering corpse
as nothing but idyllic
and ignore the temperament
the early morning would imbue you with,
cross and out of sorts.
You will become a year to me.
I will remember the landmarks
but no longer the husk of your laugh
or the salt of your sweat
or the look in your eye
while you roil in the midst
of hysterical laughter.
You would never
come down from your pedestal
to find me.  
I studied this man
as though he were art
and not history,
blissfully unaware
the course was pre-requisite
to heartache.

You are nothing
but cheap thrills
and a midnight laugh.
A half cigarette
and nothing new.

You make no promises
but a thousand excuses.

You can name all 50 states
and their capitols,
but you never learned how to love.

The water of your knowledge
is above a sieve of apathy
and I don't know if any
of the bits left are
worth anything at all.  

You are not who you say you are
but you are who I know you are,
and I am what I am
and that is an afterthought
after thoughts
not worth having.