There's a lot in my mind,
And a ton on my heart
There's so much fear
A lot more anger
Quite a bit of resentment
And a good amount of frustration

I'm sitting at a crossroads

I don't remember what road I took to get here

And there are 4+ roads that I could travel down
I have no clue where to go
And even worse... I think I'm chasing away anyone who can help

Frankly, I think you could do a lot better than me.
And as I write it,
There's a lot of pain there
But I feel like it's true

I don't want to cause anyone stress
I don't want to be a burden
And when it's me and sunny beaches,
I wouldn't blame you for choosing beaches
I'd encourage it

I'm sorry.

I had a dream last night
I was a Pterodactyl
But that's beside the point

When I was human
In my dream
I hooked up with women
As far as the eye could see
(Maybe 2 or 3)

I knew these women
I went to school with them

But every time I touched,
Kissed,
Nuzzled with any of them
It felt wrong
I was disgusted
And it hurt

And as a Pterodactyl
I couldn't glide
So I hit the pavement
Hard
Even though it was really windy

I remember that time,
You know,
That time when we were side by side
We'd done it many times together
Clothes on
But this was different
We were vulnerable
We were quiet
And we were flesh

And now, I'm sitting here
In a jumble of emotion
Replaying everything
I am an absolute ****-***

I've eaten
I've slept
I don't know what the hell's wrong here

I miss you
And yet I'm so angry
I'm failing
And I need a crutch terribly
I'm looking for anyone to lean on

And right now, I'm faking being ok.
And I'll keep doing it
Because, in reality, I could be a total ****
And this is me unraveling
Everything that's causing me the least bit of stress
Watch me burst at the seams
Scarecrow with mental issues

I am beyond ****** up, and you're still around?
Why is this happening, and why are you here?
More than that, why am I writing this
Sad sack of ******* that is called a poem?

Poetry is beautiful
Poetry is poignant
I'm being annoying
I'm being childish
I'm being immature
I'm being ridiculous

And God, God why are you so near?
But you feel so distant...
And I feel like I have all of hell's respite on
my back
And there's nothing
******* nothing that's doing a **** thing for me right now

Not liqour
Not love
Not happiness
Not Joy

I spout off at the mouth
And people think I'm more ****** up than I feel
That situations are worse than they really are
I need to work at this communication thing,
Or maybe I'm as ****** up as people think
Or worse...
Maybe I'm completely normal

God, You feel distant, though a physical representation sits on my dresser
Right next to me

I want to **** away bad feelings

I am not who I am today.
So where's my head?
On my shoulders, mostly, but on days like these?
No one knows.

There will be no tears today
Just crying
Out

I feel better when I'm swearing,
Like I'm letting off some secret,
Unknown steam

I'm mostly ****** up.

If a bottle were near,
There'd be a real inner battle
And I'm honestly not sure who'd win

And as guitars serenade
I suppose
I should start looking towards the blessings
Afforded to me
They aren't few
I've apparently decided not to bathe in them.
Maybe it's long time for a bath.