There are moments when I first meet someone and within those first few moments
I picture a future
If those first smiles and small talks are filled with laughter and words on the brink of deep conversation I begin experiencing a type of impatience
The sort that is a mixture of incomprehensible frustration and an invisible longing
This impatience stems from a want of history... humans are often caught up with new things.
New years, new starts, new merchandise
But what do we really cherish ? We cherish when someone has given us memories
We cherish the old house filled with glimpses of childhood
We cherish old keepsakes that remind us of happier times
When nostalgia or regret take hold, we yearn seemingly for the new.
But only seemingly.
What we really want is another history. What we really long for is to build a keepsake from the new with time
So when I first meet someone and foresee a future
Foresee a history within the time to come
I am overcome with a feeling of impatience for when this new reconnaissance becomes a memory
And for when this newfound individual

becomes a friend

Open up your eager eyes
As I drift through your lullabies
sea-sick from your list of lies
Try to find your alibi

Swimming through the sea of hate
drifting on the waves of fate
check the clock, it’s way too late
close my eyes, can’t concentrate

Grasp your hands, they’re frigid cold,
shaking is now uncontrolled,
act as if you’ve not been told
what is about to unfold

Cut the cord and take the fall
thrash against the cold, white wall
who’s the most ignorant of them all?
unplug your ears and hear the call

Sinking deep into the light
Eyes can see but have no sight
faces turned away in fright
are quickly plunged into the night

Take a breath of frigid smoke
fists are clenched, you start to choke,
wish you had listened when they spoke,
but now you take a deadly stroke

Turn away and say adieu
let it go, that was your cue
step on stage and see the view
audience staring back at you

Open up your eager eyes
A lost case with no alibi
sea-sick from your list of lies
it’s time to go.

So say goodbye.

I never knew where I was headed next
and so they said,
I was a wanderer
with aimless movements
and a journey with no destination

and so in search of an ambition

I explored book bindings lining my shelf
lost myself in the words on every page
plunged into the abyss of fiction
traveled someone else’s journey.

I searched religious structures
where people find spiritual refuge
discovered safety in faith
constructed fortresses from miracles.
Divinity became my sanctuary.

I stitched my journey together
with all these books
and numbing naps
pictures of trapped memories
and desperate prayers

until I realized
that while lost in thought, in words, in hope
I was starting to understand
something much greater
than the smaller decisions of every day

I am the inevitable wanderer
and  it is in being lost

that I have found myself

What she was, was a dreamer
And she was the only one
So as others pulled out umbrellas
All she saw was sun

What she was, was an idealist
And to that she held quite true
So while others saw the hurricane
All she saw was blue

What she was, was a star-gazer
Her mind in some far off place
So while others slept away at night
She was lost in space

What she was, was an escapist
Always ready to flee
So while others docked their ships at bay
She was lost at sea

What she was, was a prisoner
Stuck in her own daydreams
So while others faced reality
She’d tighten her life’s seams

What she was, was a dreamer
And many later asked, “why?”
They thought the jump was suicide
But she thought she could fly