There's something incredible about being human.
I can tell you that I feel empty, and you don't
try to figure out which organs went missing.
When I tell you I can't get up in the morning,
you don't check my legs.
If I explain that I feel small and lost
and worthless and alone
and like I need to bleed
out the pain.
You know what I mean,
you understand.
What's incredible about human beings,
is that when I tell you this ****,
you can completely relate,
and walk away.

All my life I
wanted to fly
so I jumped off
a cliff
just to
feel alive.

You're such a loser.
You rode your bike into traffic
and didn't even have the
decency to die.
You pretended to be modest
in the hospital so that
they wouldn't raise the gown
above your knees, so that
they wouldn't see your scars.
You etched I'M STILL HERE
into your skin,
and you don't know whether
that's a good thing or
a bad thing anymore.

*I'm such a loser.
I couldn't even die.

I'm wading in gray water, it lures me
I'm waiting for a dream to choke on now
The music crescendos when I scrape knees
But me and the dancer still take our bow
The water kisses my lips then my nose
I'm gone because I never met happy
For the cons will always outweigh the pros
But you never saw me being sappy
"I love you! Be mine!" the water will say
And I gladly submerge myself in it
The whales will come and carry me away
I'll find my Becoming an Undine kit
Suffice it to say I could never dream
Of such a silent, so hidden a scream

A blue whale's heart is so big a small child
could swim around in its veins.
I was trying to be the whale,
now I'm choking on my
******* heart.

We sit in an art classroom.
There are windows and anyone could
see or come in.
But with the snow falling it feels like our
own world.
You lie silent there before me
naked.
Posing as I paint you.
I want to show you how I see you
through
my
eyes.

My best friend tells me that she was born in the wrong time.
That her viking ancestors would be ashamed of how much
she can't handle. How she's no warrior.
So I take her to a powwow that my sister's dancing at
and let her feel the vibrations of the drums
pound through her feet.
I tell her maybe our war drums are our heartbeats.
She's fighting herself and using razors as her soldiers.
I say, if you need sharp things let's use arrows to figure
out where east is so we can run towards the rising sun
like my ancestors did.
We can use words as our shield walls in battle
and I can be the dragon head on your ship
to scare off the enemy in dark and foggy times.
If you want to get a little pagan I'll burn all my sage for you
and we can pray to all the gods we've heard stories of.
I'll teach you all the tricks my shima’ sani taught me.
We are warriors. But is it selfish of me to hope that you
never go to Valhalla? I want you to live long after
the fighting ends.

You were so nice.
And I was in love.

We would hold hands and
forget the world.
Until you got drunk
and hit me

We could laugh for hours at
a single sentence.
Go on great dates.
Then you wouldn't let
me leave

My friends and family
all said we were perfect for
each other.
I thought so too.

*Until the night I said no
and you didn't listen.

All day, every day I'm terrified of you.
Again and again your fist makes contact with my skin.

Broken spirit, heart, will, pride.
Be happy because you broke me.

Can't you just smell the pride seeping off of you
    as you beat me up again.
Can anybody see me? Help me?

Dead.
    I'm dead.
****.

Everyone looks the other way. Nothing wrong happens in their worlds.
Even the teachers.

Fear seeps into my bones when I see you in the halls.
'*******!' I scream in my head, but can never get the words
   out my mouth.
"***" you whisper, in a way that cuts deeper than any scream.

Go away. Please.
Get bored of me.

How can someone be this awful?
Help me.

It was stupid of me to fight back, because
I can't breath after you kick me in the stomach.

Just make my life a living hell, please
   be my guest.
Justice is ****.

Keep an eye on me, in case I start to get
   happy again. That could be a problem.
Key word: Target.

Love is foreign now.
Lonely is not.

My days are black. Are you happy now?
Maybe your life is ****, so you have to make
   my life the same.

Never has someone hated me so much
   just for being alive.
Nice welcome to high school.

"Oh who would ever give a **** about you?"
Obviously, no one.

Please... Please...
People, why can't you see me?!

"Queen *****!" I call you.
"Queen of the rats" you call me.

Running, running, running again.
Running in vain for you will only get me later.

Sometimes I can avoid you, or manage to get away with
    only a shove or an insult.
Stay and beat me if you want, if it makes you feel better
   because I am giving up for now.

"Tomorrow, today won't seem so long" I tell myself.
Tell me help is coming.

Underdogs always win in the end right?
Under your power is not where I thought I would be.

Vacant are my eyes, for you have driven my soul away.
Vandalized locker, I know it was you.

When will I be safe?
What did I ever do to you?

Xanax would be perfect to OD on.

You're a monster… But
you have all the power.

Zero Bullying Tolerance, that's
   *******.