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M Jan 2012
It was never supposed to be this hard
just to get up in the morning.
I wasn't supposed to be sad
all the **** time,
for no reason.
Poetry used to spill out my mouth
but now it comes from
shaky fingers
rough and tired.
It never occurred to me that one day
I would have scars to hide
or days spent being empty.
Heads down, don't speak.
Exaggerate and lie.
Don't let them get to you.
Don't let them touch you.
I wish I knew what was wrong with me.
M Jan 2012
Sometimes the cold numbness
swallows me whole.
I sit there for hours
eyes vacant
and I don't know how
to come back to life.
Could you teach me?
I can't feel the thought
that this will pass;
no hope.
*I could live here,
in this state of mind.
M Jan 2012
I was always moving from place to place
there were new faces and empty houses
leaving before we got too comfortable
in one place, we always had each other though
so there was never any need for a
                                                        real home.

                                                      ­                                                                M­y sisters and I would climb mountains
                                                       ­                                                    stealing pomegranates from our teacher’s yard
                                                            ­                                                                 ­            and sitting on the dusty rocks
                                                           ­                                                         everythi­ng was good because we were on
                                                              ­                                                   top of the
                                                             ­                                         world

In every new neighborhood I would see
all the girls and boys in different groups
they found it strange that I would wrestle
instead of play with dolls
and that’s what we did; we wrestled until
black eyes were handed out like
sweet
candy.
                                                         ­                                                                 ­  No matter where we were we always
                                                          ­                                             made our way to grandma’s house for Christmas
                                                       ­                                                    keeping traditions and breathing in that loving
                                                          ­                                                              air­, I wanted the world to stop and wait
                                                            ­                                             they always sang out for God while I whispered
                                                       ­                                                                 ­                               where are
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                      you?


The swings were my friends when I
was in school and I would spend a lifetime
on them, looking at the sky as if I could
just fly away and never come back
in those days I was a dreamer because I saw that
a world was contained
           on those swings.




                                                     ­        I guess you could say writing found me
                                                           these smudge-filled hands still ink stained
                                                         ­    and the words spilling out on the paper
                                                           ­ turning shaky abc’s into emotions with
                                                            ­ names and colors and witty come-backs
                                                      ­         because nothing else sounds and feels
                                                           ­                        quite as
                                                              ­                            good.
M Jan 2012
Sometimes I look at the
people around me.
All of us walking around these
halls of a school.
Heads down.
Eyes down.
Mouths shut.
I wonder what happened to us.
What caused us to become these
creatures that are paralyzed?
What happened to the bright-eyed
kids we were?
Where is the laughter that used to
echo through us?
We wear the chains of today,
and what's worse is
we keep them there with our own power.
M Dec 2011
They don't understand
that if I don't keep
things clean
bad will happen
unsafe will happen
so keep everything in
three's.
M Dec 2011
You hold me in your arms
Both of us wearing nothing
but T-shirts.
I wonder about your boyfriend
what this makes us.
But I know you won't
pick me over him.
I feel cold despite the
warm of the alcohol
and I hate you as I love you.
This quiet will eat me alive
and I wait for the moment
that I can't take it anymore.
Until I can't believe that we
slept together
and it all seems like a dream.
Please let this be a dream.
M Dec 2011
I want to wake up to
a different Christmas
a different family
a different me.
Gifts that aren't hinting
at the fact that I'm
a freak
like dresses because they hate
how I want to be a boy
makeup and stupid heels
gift card to a salon
teen romance novels.
This is my family's
Passive Aggressive Day.
Trash Day.
Return-to-Sender.
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