"I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself king of infinite space,
were it not I had bad dreams."

people look at happiness like
'well I'm not happy now because
this
this
and this
*****, and I can't change it,
so I'll just wait to be happy'
but if you just looked at happiness like
'well i have
this
this
and this
and at first I thought it ******
but I can't change it
and since there's a lot of good parts
I'll just look at those, and be happy'
then I promise things would go a lot better for you.

I believe in love.
I believe that God is an unimaginable force
that truly exists
and is more than the sum of His parts
and is greater than we can picture
I believe that we must all find the way to
salvation,
and my way is simple and pure and must not
be clouded
and to be happy, I must behave in a way
worthy of the manner to which I have been
called,
in order to set an example for others to follow
the beautiful path.
I believe that your happiness is your happiness,
but it will be a PURE happiness
if you find it through the way most suited
to you.
and God knows that way.
So if you pray and open your heart, then
He will show you where you can find
your most pure happiness.
it's not the same for everyone.
There is no code, no rules, no standard,
because we all lead different lives,
but God loves you individually,
and will show you how to be the
best individual
you can be, regardless
of society, or rules; He does not seek to make you
conform,
or restrain yourself: you do not have to follow His
path.
But the all-knowing knows what will make you
happy.
Let him lead you to the path.
Until you let Him show you, you might find it,
but chances are,
you will get lost,
and I am sorry.

so kiss me where I lay down my hands pressed to your cheeks
a long way from the playground- tell me with your mind, body and spirit
I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are british,
whether we're together or apart, we can both remove the masks
and admit we regret it from the start, my hands, your hands, *******
like two ships, drifting, weightless, waves trying to break this,
I'd do anything to save it, you're the raise on the waves that calms
my mind, I don't care what people say when we're together
you know I want to be the one who holds you when you sleep,
nobody knows you, baby, the way I do, nobody loves you, baby, the way I do,
waking up beside you I'm a loaded gun, I can't contain this anymore,
I'm all yours I've got no control, no control, powerless, and I don't
care it's obvious, I can't contain this anymore, I'm all yours I've got
no control, no control, they don't know about the things we do,
they don't know about the I love you's, but I bet you if they only knew
they would just be jealous of us, so can we start it all over again?

and there's so much history in these streets
of Mama's good eats and Wonder on repeat
so much history in my head,
the people I've left, the ones that I've kept.

day by day, minute by minute,
I know my future holds more
I learn how much I am worth.

The outer edge of a poem looks like a heartbeat
have you ever noticed that?
It's a unique trait-
it's art
The outer edge of a poem looks like a heartbeat
of someone who has maybe
skipped too many
beats
The outer edge of a poem looks like a heartbeat
not a bit like mine, though
mine's jagged
all the time
from looking at people not meant for me
and wishing they were
written into my
story
The outer edge of a poem looks like a heartbeat
the inner edge looks like
someone already
dead.

Every time I hear you breathe heavily (which happens quite a lot)
I imagine what I could do to you
to make you gasp like that
with maybe my name whispered
in between moans.

my hell is restlessness
restless indifference, acedia,
because the heart of the wanderer rests in travel and movement
and to not move is to be constantly at motion
never ceasing, heart still beating
but not in peace.

Who is it that does not know of Hercules?
Tragic hero written in the stars
and of the stars to tangle his string
with that of Megara's. He watched the sunset
with twisted arm and muscled thigh
alone, his bride in the Underworld.
he thought he'd be strong enough to rescue her
maybe not- maybe the grasp of the ghosts
was too great- the cycle and spiral down, down,
down into the chasm, leaving Hercules
alone, once more. he couldn't save her,
not for all the trials in the world, even with a divine
parent who guides his hand, He can't weave
the strings in Hercule's favor, he watches the sunset
alone now; the moral of the story:
everything we love will die- we must learn to never
make our home in others, for we will be homesick forever.

"I have wept for love of them, they turn away."

calm. calm.
I can't let on, I can't display
the way your touch makes my heart race
the way you've been hinting at something more
underneath the surface,
I'm swimming to shore- I'm drowning in you
the light on your face as you're asleep
the silence of your heart that you keep
and let slip
because we're getting closer and closer
at an astonishing clip
and I can't help but tell you
I love you.
But how to say it?

don't **** the marrow out of me
it's all I have left-
I used to sing 'even heroes have the right to bleed'
well I'm bleeding, now, I was mortal the whole time,
a hero must make themselves while they bleed
not before, and they must not be made by others-
a hero has to carve themselves from the ashes.

she belongs to meeeeAAYYYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEE

You've gotta help me, I'm losing my mind
Keep getting the feel you want to leave this all behind
Thought we were going strong
I thought we were holding on
Are we?

No they don't teach you this in school
Now my heart's breaking and I don't know what to do
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Are we?

You and me got a whole lot of history
We could be the greatest thing that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history
So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever
  
All of the rumours, all of the fights
But we always find a way to make it out alive
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Are we?

everybody's searching for toxins, drugs, dopamine
to numb the pain and dull our minds
because we're afraid of what our thoughts are telling us
we're afraid of the voices we try to silence
with others' lips, but no matter how much I
focus on your heart, I can't escape my own
I don't know if I feel safe in the soul I call home.

Make a little conversation
So long I've been waiting
to let go of myself and feel alive.

And it's alright
Calling out for somebody to hold tonight
When you're lost, you'll find a way
I'll be your light
You'll never feel like you're alone
I'll make this feel like home

Make a little conversation,
so long I've been waiting
to let go of myself and feel alive.
So many nights I thought it over,
told myself I kind of liked her,
but there was something missing in her eyes.

I was stumbling, looking in the dark
with an empty heart.
But you say you feel the same,
could we ever be enough?
Baby, we could be enough.

And it's alright.
Calling out for somebody to hold tonight,
when you're lost, you'll find a way
I'll be your light.
You'll never feel like you're alone.
I'll make this feel like home.

So hot that I couldn't take it,
want to wake up and see your face
and remember how good it was being here last night.
Still high with a little feeling,
I see the smile as it starts to creep in.
It was there, I saw it in your eyes.

I was stumbling, looking in the dark
with an empty heart.
But you say you feel the same.
Could we ever be enough?
Baby, we could be enough.

And it's alright.
Calling out for somebody to hold tonight.
When you're lost, you'll find a way,
I'll be your light.
You'll never feel like you're alone,
I'll make this feel like home.
I'll make this feel like home.
Baby, we could be enough.
It's alright.
Calling out for somebody to hold tonight,
when you're lost, you'll find a way
I'll be your light.
You'll never feel like you're alone.
I'll make this feel like home.

Christianity is the religion of hope-
that one day, things will be perfect;
in the right places, you can be happy;
and God wants this for everyone:
that we may have a future and a hope.

let's all just sit together,
without any discomfort, and
hold each other,
warm,
with a fire,
no time limits, no one to schedule or yell,
with the crisp air biting our noses-
it will be beautiful
no one will ever have to go home.

we're all just broken beauties with hot glue and duct tape
messing around with each other's hearts, sometimes burning ourselves
or each other, sometimes dropping things, or fixing it haphazardly
one half bigger than its opposite, or the seams straining and showing,
and yet, it's still art. We're still art.

what does my name look like written on someone else's heart?

rock bottom keeps getting lower.
time for me to rewrite this poem.
This only means I have higher to climb-
this only means bliss will be happier
it only means I can be better
it only means at the end of the road I will look back
and will know I've come even farther than I can imagine.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
and Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
when I think about the way that
He loves us, oh how He loves us.

You are coming so close
to knowing
about my poems

sometimes I, too, am afraid of the dark
and I'm giving constant reassurances and advice to empty rooms
because I'm scared that I'm the only one that needs it
and maybe if I say these words loud enough then someone will hear
hear just enough to remind me that I'm human just like the rest of you
what are the rest of you?

forgiveness should be as all-embracing
as your arms cannot be
your love should give
even more than your heart can pump
your mind can wander
farther than your feet can take you
your imagination can see
beyond the strain of your retinas
because you, my friend,
are not limited by 'human nature'
or your body,
you are endless,
and you will reach the tips
of the world
and backwards across the cosmos,
your soul will stretch-
it is not human nature
to be confined,
it is human nature to be unlimited.

silly people with their silly lives,
who don't realize how big their future is-
my God, it's almost like I'm one of them.

heartbeat racing, face flushing, core frozen,
fingers tracing, thoughts binding and lost,
eyes meddling, feet tapping, leg shaking,
knee bending, muscles stretching, brain working,
emotions zooming, horizon closing,
frantically thinking, decidedly acting to
sitting back and lazing, forgetting, unwinding
numbing and breaking, glancing and gliding.

sometimes I'd like to kiss you
but I think it's because I'd like to kiss anybody
and you'd be fun for that sort of thing
but I'm scared I'll have to pretend I'm in love with you
and I'm scared I'll hurt you
and I'm embarassed that I think you might have a crush on me
and I'm wary because this has happened before
and I'm uncomfortable because it doesn't feel right
and I'm secretly longing for her
and I know I can't love you
any more than I can pull the sun down into our orbit
or attach the moon to the earth with a telephone cable-
I can only love who I love
and I won't make the mistake of
thinking I can change my heart
again- you can't force passion,
it aligns naturally, and
it is not aligned between me and you.

we are the reason that the other can't breathe
people, a person, is the most beautiful of things
I am the fresh breeze while you shift beneath me
and the world looks brighter in another's heart
there's something about waking up not alone
that cheers your soul and stirs it
You can't change, but you are, aren't you?
maybe we just don't show each other
but we did, we did change, we boil within our hearts
and toss about, vaporizing the love we feel for each other
because we're too scared to pour it,
maybe people are so lonely because we burn so bright
we're scared to scald our neighbors,
we think we're too hot for them, we'll char their skin,
but we won't- their heart is as hot as ours
I am a coal who needs company or else I will die out
the soft red light from within me fades
until someone shows me theirs.

the stick
was charred like
me after you
but unlike the stick-
through the ashes,

I bloom.

why do I buy books I won't read
maybe it's the same reason
I fall in love with people I can't have
I never reach out quite far enough
so that these experiences are tantalizingly
untantalizing
and maybe I select a great deal of books
in the hopes of finding one that I will actually enjoy
and I read such a small fraction of them
that I seem to be misspending my money.
but I will continue my vice and form a collection
of books that were
never intended to be read
to sit forever on the bookshelf of my memory,
quiet and untouched
maybe there only to be in stark contrast
to the ones I have opened
and destroyed.

what happens when you can't get enough of someone
so you take everything you can get your hands on
even their freedom and their spirit until there is nothing left of them
all of it belongs to you and what you do with it is you leave
and you take it with you and wave goodbye and never speak again
except to say sorry, and one day to hold hands while you watch the stars
and in a small fragile moment I tried to give it back to her
but the hole I left was not the same shape and it didn't fit, exactly
so now I have it, I have all of her, and I will hold it close to my heart
my stolen treasure, another person's soul- forever.

i carry you with me
i carry you not only in my heart but in my mind
in every time i close my eyes
every ******* love song i hear
every smile i see on someone else's face
i carry you in the stars and the moon and the dances
i carry you in a tattoo of words on my soul
i carry you with me
(i carry you in my heart)
but i carry you everywhere else too.

I'm sure people have told you your name is beautiful,
but darling, it's not just your name that's beautiful
it's your eyes
and your soft hands
and all the times we've fallen asleep next to each other
and that little smile you get
or how desperately and painfully in love I am,
with you,
and how much it hurts to be near you,
and sevenfold is the pain of being away-
how nervous I got when your sister sent me a picture
-you were seated next to a man's arms-
who was he? your small body
is a bullet straight through my soul
I fear every day I've lost you and you're gone already
or that you'll find a boy and fall for him
and never think anything of me ever again
I've felt the way you moved around me-
I never want anyone else to feel that-
because I want you, all of you,
you and me,
forever,
and all my stupid lines of poetry
are cliche and hurt my own eyes reading them
but they're honest
and still fall short
because I'm so in love with you,
and we've faded so far, so fast, from what we were and have been-
how can I get us back?

"...but don't you feel trapped? Like you have no free will?"
I do have free will.
and I choose this life again and again,
in every breath.
I choose to give my life for Christ
and that is not submission of my free will
that is using my free will
and I choose to bend and submit
to someone who will pick the absolute best life for me
because I know I get confused in this life
and I ***** up all the time-
so the Om, the Lord of the Universe,
will guide me through whatever actions
I must take
in order to unify the universe
and spread peace and love to all.
Naturally, the one who is connected to everything
knows how best to save us from suffering,
so I choose to open myself to that energy,
the Holy Spirit-
because I was a slave to my worst human desires
inability to deny yourself is slavery-
you lack complete control
and you cannot further aspire.
If you are lord over your own body
you can reach unprecedented heights
so I will be lord over my own body
I will take this fight
and the 'I' is in tap with the
fundamental energies of the universe
so that my body will be directed for the greater good.
Don't tell me I don't have free will.
I am exercising it as I write.
My chosen path is this:
I will use whatever I can to serve the Lord of light,
I will kneel at His feet if He will guide me forth,
I will serve, for I know I am not greater than those beside me,
I will strive to make their lives better,
not worse.
I will use my arms.
I will use my mind.
I will use my charm.
I will use my smile.
I will use my heart.
I will use my voice.
I do have free will,
and this is my choice.

Humans deserve so much more
than we give each other.
People are these perfect receptors and givers of love
and we deserve each other more than anything else
We deserve God and love
and happy-ever-afters
but that doesn't stop the reality of the situation
when people don't get what they deserve
and it's not selfish, but it is selfish
It's the most selfish thing they could do
But they need to be selfish,
when the pain is so much that there is no other solution-
you need to put your needs above others,
because you can only control yourself and your life.
But if me building a friendship with him would have changed anything,
or if they had planted the ******* grass seed earlier
so it would've been ******* green
or if I could hug her until I could breathe my will to live into her
I would. I would change everything
not so he had to go on living miserably
but so that he could have the chance
that one day it wouldn't be miserable anymore.
I would die so that everyone would forever be happy.
Christ did.
He didn't die for this, He didn't die for misery,
He died for hope- and we rejected Him, and
we loved less and less as years went by
and in the midst of turning away to our glorious 'freedom'
we forgot that we were happier before, and maybe this mental state
isn't what it should be, and maybe we should change something,
and maybe if we all just loved each other more, he'd still be here.
We've been cutting each other apart for years and
now we're reaping our grisly harvest.
But now he's gone. There is no closure,
No why
No how
Once they're off the cliff, you can no longer grasp their hands,
and no one sees a need to until they're broken on the chasm floor
"Oh, I would've held on tighter if I would've known!"
Whatever you would have done to save someone,
you should do to them every single day,
because you never know how close they are to falling off the edge.

I'm sorry you can't see the beauty in things
because while adults can't have fun anymore
some of them can still see the significance
and observe with a distant haze
but you have cut yourself off completely
to forget all of it
"don't glorify!"
what do you mean, don't glorify?
the whole world is glorious! it is all worth
glorifying!
It is better than you think it is
and it hurts me to see you like this
but I can't help you out if you
think that everything I live for is broken
and the very premise of love is false.
But you don't understand what I'm saying, even
you think I am a prideful naive young fool
and I think you're a selfish old ******* who wants
to crush my angels' wings
and please yourself because the 'self' is above all
when I know that your 'self'
is rotting and yet-
still worth loving.
God loves you.
I love you.
And if you refuse to understand what that means-
that is your own fault.

(how could you be fine)

If we all smoked ****
and wrote poems
and freed ourselves of things we are meant to be free of
and let go of our petty misconceptions
and danced a little longer-

If we all forgot what we 'should' do,
and went with our instincts
and learned how to love
and stopped drawing those
stupid little lines in the sand-

If we all stopped listening to the nagging voices
of our mothers
and learned to think for ourselves
and painted art worthy of life
and forgave instead of forgetting-

In this magical place, love reigns supreme
the heart is not culled
the mind is unchained.
Your soul reaches new heights,
all mothers let them be-

In a faraway, mystical land, where everything is free,
then maybe,
just maybe,
you'd fall in love with me.

"Can you fly?"
"No, no... no."

If I could fly,
I'd be coming right back home to you.
I think I might give up everything, just ask me to.
You'll never feel like you're alone,
I'll make this feel like home.
Pay attention, I hope that you listen
I was stumbling, looking in the dark, with an empty heart,
I let my guard down, right now I'm completely defenseless
for your eyes only, I show you my heart
for when you're lonely and forget who you are
and it's alright, calling out for somebody to hold tonight
when you're lost I'll find a way and I'll be your light
I'm missing half of me when we're apart
now you know me, for your eyes only
I'll make this feel like home.

how we are loved

no sound without silence
no peace without love
you must have your highs and lows
there is nothing so maddening as a flat line
to know your own composure within yourself,
you must throw yourself into different activities
only then can your soul remain whole
while the ocean around you is flat, you run the risk
of running over, of blending into the surroundings
force makes you solid and shows you who you are
inactivity, boredom, wears away and erodes at your good character
if you don't use it, you lose it.

-to return at eventide with gratitude
and then to sleep,
with a prayer for the beloved in your heart
and a song of praise on your lips.

I'm ready to be free. But what will it take?

My mind is playing tricks on me, my dear
I almost feel as though I'm home again
Passion Pit playing in the background and
Of Monsters and Men playing in my head
Cards on the floor slipping through the only cold floorboards
We're all shirtless again
It's one hundred thousand and ten degrees outside
the walls haven't quite crumbled down
over the cabins that we love
the clouds can't penetrate these green hills, much less roll over them
only we can roll on these hills in our hot sleeping bags
and almost fall into the green lily pond and the sky's green
but I'm not scared anymore
Because I've jumped off the high dive and
introduced myself to older girls
What else could there be to love other than the smell of cookouts
bad singing, and BO?
I painted my face for the first time to give a blanket
to a girl who'd never have a better night.
I got my eyebrows plucked in the same room and night
She plucked my guilt out like the hairband she was trying to undo,
her fingers said, "you're forgiven,"
my eyes said, "thank you,"
as I leapt through the fields to hug my friend because she was crying
even though I was naked
I braided so much hair during that time-
Held more hands than you'd wanna
Jesse McCartney didn't even know what a beautiful soul was-
My summer was set to the playlist of
the only twenty year old in the room who is trying to guide our ships
as we sail through the changing ocean tides
and summer is the easiest to handle of the seasons of my life-
There, I built my own wheel, learned how to take it myself,
and then I gave it to Jesus
and he's piloting fine.