“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.”

careful making wishes in the dark

n/a

“Unfortunately, you never really hate anyone as much as someone you cared about once.”

it is a religious experience
to stand privy to someone's most private achings
and watch the beat of their heart unfold through the room
as thousands of others sway in time,
our bodies in align,
all of scared to comment or look at each other because if we do,
we are violating some sacred safe space
of, 'this is all there is, the here and now, and I am alone and you are alone but we are together and this world is beautiful'
and if you acknowledge it, it is gone,
so we must simply exist together,
at the moment, let the world flow as one,
and do not speak.

there is something wrong with my body
I know it
and I can feel it

I am someone who has no scars because they have scarred the rest of the world instead

if all love is from God, then God has been especially cruel to me.

if I can
save one life
change one heart
touch one soul
then I will have succeeded.

the timing is right

anything hurts less than the quiet.

we've all had Good Fridays
and we'll all rise again

yes, I do plan on ******* bulldozing through this life
I am no Hazel Grace
I do not mind that the marks I leave are often scars
because scars, I think, can be beautiful
and I have never wanted to leave this world unmarked.

it's not about you, never was
still isn't.

I know to whom I would run
but I don't know if they would catch me.
I don't know if any of them would catch me.

and now I know that the devil and the Lord
are engaged in a battle for my soul.

how can you say that it would be better for some not to have been born
do you hear the cruelty in your voice? do you know what that does
to people's souls- it shows them that some are worth it and some aren't
that maybe they shouldn't have been born, that your sins
weigh alongside the value of your life, the real value is not there
the real value is just in your life, it's not what you think your beauty is
your mere existence is true enough and good enough and beautiful enough
you're already worth it with no qualifications. You're worth it. Don't listen to them. You're worth it. You're worth it. You're worth it.

Breaking down and coming undone,
it's a roller coaster kinda rush,
and I never knew I could feel that much.

being to timelessness as it’s to time,
love did no more begin than love will end;
where nothing is to breathe to stroll to swim
love is the air the ocean and the land
(do lovers suffer?all divinities
proudly descending put on deathful flesh:
are lovers glad?only their smallest joy’s
a universe emerging from a wish)

love is the voice under all silences,
the hope which has no opposite in fear;
the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:
the truth more first than sun more last than star

—do lovers love?why then to heaven with hell.
Whatever sages say and fools, all’s well

I feel like I'm suffocating

I tried to write a sonnet today
but I just couldn't find the beat
and it'd be nice if this was a sonnet
about not writing a sonnet,
but it's not, because life doesn't always work that way.
Sometimes it doesn't rhyme.

everybody is so **** tired. We all just
need to get some rest.

more than anything
I just want someone
to take me seriously
and treat me like an adult

it feels like a breath of fresh air when I've been suffocating for my whole life

you will find me
in places that we've never been
for reasons we don't understand.

God doesn't want us to just be happy.
God wants us to be like Him.

But you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want
or you can just get old.

times like this, I fall ever more deeply in love with the human experience.

...but you don't care, do you?

is it too much to ask for some joy?

it is morning time
and the world is good to look at
i am lonely
but maybe not- i think i am just alone
i think i am fine with that

"You will never be what you were supposed to."

i would run a million miles
to pique your interest
anything to be different
to fascinate you
I'd get plastic surgery
start wearing pink
have long angry conversations
smoke
reveal secret passions for boring things
just to see your confused, intrigued face
because that is my favorite of your expressions
the one that doesn't shut down when asked to think
the one that has forgotten to dislike,
the open face, the excited face, the beautiful face
that's it
that's the one.

I don't want someone to own me, or vice versa
I just want to belong to each other

I'm not crazy, I swear
I just notice everything you do, okay?
and these poems are unfiltered nonsense
pure emotion
that hold no factual basis
and even if you aren't avoiding me
it still feels like it
and I'm not crazy
I just don't like when someone who
I've had a secure friendship with
for 8 months
suddenly becomes less than an acquaintance.
it hurts. like there's a piece of me missing.
and fine, I get it,
if you need a break.
this will be your third break weekend.
maybe you made the decision to dislike me
but really, I haven't seen you ever dislike someone this much
in the way you behave towards me.
please, take your ******* break,
take your whole life as a break away from me,
please,
as long as you're happy.
I want you to be happy.
so just because I have feelings for you
doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything about it
or try and make you feel uncomfortable
because I've felt this way for a while
and you didn't seem to be uncomfortable the whole time.
I want you to be happy, so
I'll keep my distance, fine
I'll deal with it- I'm dealing every day
training myself to not care and to not notice
as if you're just another of my friends
but you're still always in my peripheral vision
like a rock in your shoe
you might not be consciously thinking about it
but you know it's there.
I'm sorry I feel this way about you
and I'm doing my best to fix it
so we can go back to having an actual relationship
without it being weird.
I'm not crazy, I swear
but it's hard to orient yourself
when your head is spinning
under,
over,
and around
your heels.

Can you tell that I'm alive?
Let me prove it.

why am I always so afraid?

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?

Sudden quick glances, a giggle in fall
the break in December, late-night kitchen ball
The secret eye-sharing, our souls deep entwined
The ever-eternal fruit of the vine
"Are you calling me short?" "It's not my fault I'm tall!"
No blood of our fathers could break us at all
Our story is longer than you could ever imagine.
No mind invented this beautiful pageant.
The mark of the skin, the secrets we keep,
there is no real doubt
you know not what you speak.

oh honey, let's run away together
I'm sure you'd look beautiful sleeping in the car
as the sunset fell over the mountains
and the whole world would agree with me, I think.

"Am I the only one who feels anything anymore?"
"No."

and here I was thinking it was about me all along

how does it feel to be completely ruled?

I want to pour hydrogen peroxide through my veins
so maybe then it will flush you out.

I'm just a lost boy
not ready to be found.

"So the universe is not quite as you thought it was.
You’d better rearrange your beliefs, then. Because you certainly can’t rearrange the universe."
-Isaac Asimov

we can't live without things outside ourselves
if we were self-sufficient, no one would ever have to die

how can someone who sculpted the mountains with his thumbs
and suspends the whole universe inside his mind
love me so desperately that he would die for me?

I'm happiest when I'm with you

too often when you touch things, you bruise them.