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M Oct 2014
i desperately want to not care
and i want to be around people who don't care
save for caring about having fun
and caring about each other
i do not want to care about rules or responsibilities
i do not want to care about school, the world
i do not want to care about issues
i do not want to care about death, or life
i cannot, i refuse to spend my life focusing
on things that only deepen and darken it
i do not want to spend hours discussing metaphysics
when i could be dancing.
M Oct 2014
what do I do
what can I do
to make a difference and show people that they are loved?
There is a void in the world and I cannot save it or fill it
with pretty words and creative line breaks, I cannot help this,
all I can do is sit here and keep recording in a silly backwards
attempt to romanticize the earth
and the people around me,
as if they weren't already beautiful, and I can't
sit in my car and cry
because I do not have a car and I cannot fill cliche
in real life, only in my mind,
I cannot save your soul or heal your heart,
no hands can hold love, really- only in writing
compassion only works on paper because people have to save themselves,
in the end,
I am so helpless
all I can do is throw myself in the grass and scream my lungs out
and try and get to you.
M May 2014
I've done and am doing
everything I can to avoid you
and save you from feeling uncomfortable
standing in line for drills, I'll give you
almost a ten-foot berth
it surprises and shocks me
when I still see your face
looking slightly disgusted
or when you and your sister make eye contact
I can't help but wonder if you've deduced it,
figured out, that though
I have no right to be jealous and hurt
I still am
and though
you do not belong to me
I love you like someone suffocating in the heat
who only occasionally gets a breath of cold air
and even then, it is just a trickle
for I am dying to stay away from you
dying when I keep you close
my heart is struggling, limply pounding
frail against my ribs, there's nothing left of me
because its all for you, I changed myself
a named bullet
or a placard on a seat at a table
saying 'here, this one's for you'
my mannerisms have changed
my dance, my walk, my voice, my sense of humor
consciously or subconsciously,
I have branded my soul
molded it into a you-shaped whole
but then
you never liked being told what to do,
did you?
so I turn away, I walk on the opposite side
I never want you to feel pressured or like you have to hide
I dance far away from you
It's not a matter of 'time to bide'
it's about you and your decisions
that you have your alone time,
despise being labeled,
your wants are completely yours,
defy my understanding;
I'll never serve them out loud to you, you'd hate that
all I can do is quietly avoid, conceal
because I'd give my life to make you happy
and fill your needs, objectively
for I've come to terms with the stark reality of love
and your plans, blueprints of what and whom you're going to be
and how they don't ever include me.
M Jan 2015
it's easier for both of us to love someone who is not there
safe, isn't it? while simultaneously breathing danger
we'll never have to get close, never reciprocate,
we'll be fine alone pining away at endless galaxies
that we can never reach out and touch.
M Feb 2015
oh, I get it- I do
maybe even better than me, you.
M Apr 2014
"I am right and you are wrong"
-a phrase that should never be uttered.
if you really got the other person's point,
this sentiment, you wouldn't have muttered,
for people are more than muscle and joint
more than a means to an ends
people are just like you, every one
so how about trying to make mends?
Why is forgiveness so unacceptable?
didn't you want it once?
how come their motives are so susceptible?
what makes one's truth over one's
more than the other's, credible?
people need to understand each other
to find the truth they lost
for the only thing lies build is discontent
and they are suffering the effects of the cost
there's a pain you can't circumvent
your heart muscle will soon exhaust:
if you're trying to love someone that you don't even know,
then your stars appear to be crossed
for there's a bond can be built only once you let go
the walls that once divided you
and it doesn't need be a fight even though
the roof over your head is blown through.
please just understand your sister or brother,
'cause peace is something we musn't outgrow
if you'd see what's under the covers
for what it really is,
then we'd finally find our home in one another
this is who we are- we were made for this.
M Mar 2014
you're awfully pretty for someone who
seems to be in a toxic relationship with the world
and for someone who doesn't realize the toxicity,
you sure do seem not-happy
M Sep 2014
and my heart feels different from everyone who has
traced their path over its green and rocky shores
all the steps you have left have trampled in the dust
and rain has fallen in your footsteps
rain has fallen in your footsteps and you danced-
how you danced, to catch the droplets in your mouth-
to taste them, joyously singing while I watched you prance
over the shores of my heart- walking the steps
through my veins and pulsing in my arteries
you, oh beloved ones, shall never be forgotten
because everything you are is carved into my bones
scored upon my marrow
and built into my muscles- I am a named bullet
and have always been one- though the bullet is
wearing down from the number of names etched upon it
and my heart can only pump so many types of blood
before it gives up.
M May 2014
everybody loves somebody
especially me
everybody loves somebody
in a glorious, stupid tragedy.
M May 2015
even when you think you are having trouble breathing
I dare you to just wait a few minutes
and if you're still alive then you aren't having trouble breathing
and if you just feel like the sun is crashing down upon your chest
then that's okay too.
M Jan 2016
and I don't want to be a troublemaker but I'm a human
ain't I, and ain't I allowed to feel something and occasionally
shake the world from its roots- say, we are made in the image
of the guy that created hurricanes and volcanoes, right?
ain't I allowed to blow around and explode? ain't I allowed
to quake, and create, and sacrifice myself? And if we all
made in his image like they tell us, ain't those dramatists
and scholars and kings have the same spirit in them
as I got in me? ain't I allowed to feel the fire of martyrs
and talk like an orator and give myself like Christ?
ain't I allowed to start a little trouble?
Everybody else did.
M Oct 2015
Depend on the world and your distinctions will
slowly fade into the background- mold to them and you'll
forget your soul. if the majority is all that matters
there will soon be nothing left of the individual.
They tell you they will set you free but they only
want the you that looks good, the you that makes money
the you that says what the rest of everybody agrees on.
They're afraid of what sets you apart. They won't set you free.
Depend on God and strip yourself of every chain
anyone has ever cast on you, throw away every lie
ever told to you, reduce your spirit to its bare bones
let your heart resort to scarless, bleeding love-
God demands obedience and to us that looks like conformity
to us that is scary, "what do you mean I have to give up my
freedom?" but God will break you down so you will see nothing
but Him and you. If you give yourself to Him,
nothing else will matter. So, when the gates of hell
stand against you, and when the world lies and hurts you
and when people tell you who you should and shouldn't be
and when you're told to sit down and shut up and when
they tell you it's "freedom" and "choice" but you haven't seen
anything but the foggy bottom of a glass in a long time
and when the street is cold and lonely and the raindrops fizzle
on your skin, and when the light behind someone's eyes dies
look God in the face, fall into his embrace.
He will tear all the scars from your heart
and you will finally, finally know who you are.
M Dec 2014
never been a mind reader
but always wished I could
because truth is the only thing that
can hold the world together
once it is gone, the world will fall apart
the universe will crumble
and the galaxies will tremble and break.
M May 2015
the only requirement for a thing to be good and beautiful
is that it be true.
M Mar 2015
no one should have to lie about their very own soul
your heart should not remain concealed
the most tragic of tragedies is in my voice, but sealed
I'm sorry, so sorry, but I don't know if we'd still be whole
but then- were we ever whole? Were we ever real?
M Feb 2016
the air's a little warmer
my heart's a little freer
and I don't miss you as much anymore.
M Dec 2014
most people burn me alive but you
you are a warm fire after a long time skiing
you are hot chocolate on a winters day
I know you love the cold- so you are the warmth
that makes it bearable, enjoyable
for a summer girl like myself-
you are the sun in my cold day, the snowflake
that doesn't sting so much as it used to
maybe we are the warmth and the cold, counteracted
balanced, together, in shifting seasons- day and night
and maybe you don't love me
but maybe we are perfect for each other.
M Oct 2014
the first time I saw her,
everything in my head exploded
I have never been more or less
than I was then
and I shall never experience more
than I am now
and all my little tics and rituals become absolutely necessary
for without them I shall not be able to keep her.
in response to ocd
M Feb 2015
I like sad, quiet songs to fill my time
I do not like nail polish or lipstick
because I feel like I am in a costume-
I like men's button down shirts and baggy jean shorts
and sunny days, I like sunny days
I like sweating and laughing,
I like grass and dirt and forgetting to shower,
I like to be a person with good character,
I like to be a role model,
I like to let people be themselves-
I like campfires and bugs and sleeping under the stars
I like boxer shorts and chacos and braids and swimming in lakes
I like all these things that I have forgotten-
and I will not apologize for myself.
M Oct 2015
nothing you confess
could make me love you less.
lyrics from Stand By You. about God. Take it to mean whatever you want.
M Apr 2015
yes, He loves you absolutely, but because He loves you
He hates the parts of you that drive you away trom Him
even if you **** up, yeah, He still loves you
but you love Him less for it. a relationship
isn't when you catch yourself saying "I love you"
to an empty room at three in the morning- a relationship
is when you look into someone's eyes and neither of you have
to say it, but you do anyway, in broad daylight
God loves a murderer but the murderer does not love God
God loves you no matter what you do, but what you do
shows God and the whole world how much you love Him.
M Oct 2014
how much flannel do I have to wear
and how much leg hair do I have to grow
until my friends match my spirit
and how many hoodies can I wear
and how many girls do I have to kiss
before everyone knows I'm gay
without having to tell them
and how many hiking trips and how many
fields of flowers would you be willing to walk
through with me? and in how many waterfalls
would you like to swim? and under how many stars
can we sleep before we fall in love?
M Mar 2015
Shut up. Shut up. I'll never be like her to you. Shut up.
You have no idea what the *******'re talking about.
Shut the **** up. Will you please just leave me alone?
Shut the **** up. Please. Please *******.
parents
M Mar 2014
people who need structure
make me think they don't have strong self-esteem
people who don't like structure
make me think they're wild and a bit disorganized
people with father problems
make me think they have something weird going on with
abandonment, or sexuality
and people with mother problems
make me think they need more nurturing
what about people who analyze other people and try to understand them?
is it because we desperately want to be understood?
M Mar 2014
We must use our individuality to
come full circle,
admit and realize we are not worth all we think we are-
and empty ourselves in agape, generosity, charity
using the syllable Om to connect with the supreme being sometimes known as
Allah
Christ
or Yahweh,
for this unity is Nirvana, perfection, heaven-
Christlike love is to forget the ego and the desires
and this love ends all suffering
for sin is the separation from the supreme being and the lack of love-
our individuality saved us and ****** us, for
we will never be one;
all the religions are in an attempt to unite what it is that we have determined
is not to be united-
western civilization falsely values the individual and the ego;
these are not important in and of themselves, but rather side effects of a body,
and tools used to destroy themselves.
It is not important that I am I except that it is the point through which
I realize that
It is not important that I am I-
The journey through life is a spiral circling in on itself,
never quite reaching a closed point,
because we're basing our choices on the wrong motivations
and we've forgotten where it is that home is.
M Sep 2015
we as humans know the price of separation
we know the pain and fear when you do not know the truth
when we do not tell the truth.
we know the anxiety that comes from isolation,
because in the space between people comes the noise and confusion
when there is a gap between souls a fog fills it and we don't know
what each other means and we don't know if they love us or not
division leads to fear, loneliness, isolation, pain, and jealousy.

a person standing alone is a lone pillar buffeted by wind in the desert
buried by sand and scorched by the screaming heat,
a person standing alone is a man trying to swim in the sea
during a hurricane, waves choking and crashing around him
a person standing alone is a person standing on a cliff,
wild animals growling behind them, they have to run, they are
looking out into a smoky abyss but they don't know how far they have to jump
to make it to the other side.

We must learn to brave the gap, to take that leap of faith
even if it's scary (and it is) to trust someone, we must.
We must love one another or die.
The greater the gap, the greater the fear, the harder it is to bridge it-
that's why when we are unafraid, our souls clamp together
(we are unafraid because our souls clamp together and
our souls clamp together because we are unafraid-
these truths are not causal, they are necessary of each other.)

we know what happens when we let ourselves be vulnerable
when we wake someone up to simply lay in bed with us
and you know that even if they don't understand, they care,
and for a second we are together with God, (this is true unity) but we are just
two people holding each other and I can feel my pulse slowing down
I can feel my heart calming and my skin cool because
now, at last, someone is with me, they are close, I feel safe,
I am no longer alone. I am no longer alone.
M Aug 2015
if only there was unlimited time
to stare in other peoples' eyes
and read books, and drink tea
and sleep, and lie and steal and cheat
eventually tell the truth on your knees
but there's not unlimited time
because one day, soon, we will die
and please, please, please
don't forget what you mean to say
and who you mean to be.
M Mar 2015
love is something people try to describe over and over again
they write books and poems and songs about it
it's nothing, really- but it's everything
it's the sun and the moon and the stars, we all know the words
we've all heard them, but those moments
when you feel it, when you feel like the world
has its arms wrapped around you, when you know
God is holding you in His hand and stroking you with His thumb
suddenly, there are no more wishes left
there are no more eyelashes to blink away, no more shooting stars
no more holding your breath through tunnels.
Sometimes it's as simple as knowing you have a rock of a friend
sometimes it's as complicated as leaving home just to be with someone
it burns, sometimes; but it never freezes your heart, never
it's a breath on a wind, a slight reassurance when someone glances
your way just as often as you glance theirs. It's something you never
thought you'd have. Someone you never thought you'd have.
You're safe now. There's no need to be scared anymore.
adapted from my theatre monologue and some personal thoughts. obviously I'm not dating anyone so this is just a mulling over and not personal or applicable to my life at all. ah, how i love leaving these little disclaimers at the bottom of these. It's like a little whisper space to make sure no one is misinterpreting what I'm writing. Good luck *******
M Feb 2015
I already know. and I think we all do,
everyone tied together in each others hearts
no one has said anything but I think we all see where our gazes lie
M Feb 2015
is there anything left unspoken?
M May 2015
you forget how much a tender heart bleeds.
M Sep 2014
since when did a boy's attention-span
become more of a concern
than my comfort and free expression?
M Nov 2015
I tried, I tried, I tried.
That's all I can do
that's all anyone can do.
M Aug 2015
"She's the person with whom I have promised to stay forever and we love each other beyond all reason or hope of salvation."
something I said to Rj about the relationship between two other people and what their actions say about their relationship.
M Jul 2015
let the goodness of it consume you
don't be afraid to set yourself on fire
because the world needs people who exude heat and light
to cast out the darkness once and for all.
M Aug 2015
and I'm standing alone in a crowded room
story of us / taylor swift
M Aug 2015
"A mind can make a hell of heaven and a heaven of hell."
John Milton
M Apr 2015
"Finding God is not the same as losing everything that is not God."
from "lives of the saints"
M Jul 2015
I don't need my love, you can take it, you can take it
I don't need my heart, you can wreck it, you can break it
lyrics from a leaked one direction song, rumored to be called "never enough"
M Aug 2015
"Every single negative feeling is the non-acceptance of what is."
Orsolya Riszt
M Aug 2015
how did we all get so lucky?
M Jul 2015
The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away
and sometimes, no matter how we grieve for what we lose
it's gone.
M Jan 2014
You're worth more than you realize.
No one else can dance to your song.
The silence speaks from your eyes.
You really don't have to belong.

The clock turns by the hour.
The quiet bird will hum.
I know you've got her power.
The great God's mighty thumb

won't stop and turn the dial,
won't recognize the wrong.
Whatever will make you smile-
That's for YOU to sound the gong.
M Jul 2015
I finally found the reason why I can't sleep
I was thinking too little of the world
and too much of me.
M Aug 2015
if, at the end of the line,
I'm throwing everything I am out the window
I'm expecting someone to catch me
and if they don't, then I fall even harder, even further.
"til the end of the line."
M Aug 2015
"The moment we are open to feel our feelings, freedom is knocking on our door."
Orsolya Riszt. These two quotes seem contradictory & I myself am trying to wrap my head around the parallel.
M Jul 2015
stop wasting your time trying to make a brand out of yourself
and start spending your time doing things and making a difference
M Aug 2015
"Very few things symbolize Camp Marymount quite as well as a rainstorm. There is no way to stay dry, no way to hold yourself back. Everything is a bright, vivid, intense flood, honest and soaked to the bone. It pours over everything until all of the layers are drenched."
from the blog of n. edwards. my favorite type of weather and my favorite type of experience.
M May 2015
In the heat where you lay
I could stay right here and burn in it all day
waking up, beside you I'm a loaded gun
I can't contain this anymore
I'm all yours, I've got no control
in honor of the #nocontrolproject
because I think this song is poetry. no control / one direction
M Aug 2015
our lives are a hundred years long
filled with quiet nights, lonely hearts, and 'if only's
filled also with roads and shouts and "you are the best friends I've ever had"
too, we too are not alone, and our lives
are a hundred years long.
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