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318 · Sep 2015
I will not lie
M Sep 2015
ready for some substance, meat on the bones of my soul
time to sit, and think, and talk, and tell the truth
no more meaningless words, humor without love
ready to be still and know that God is God, ready
to bare my existence before another, to cry, to sink deeply
into the arms of someone I actually care about
ready to stop living an empty life, we are living emptily because
we are afraid of what substance will mean for us. We are afraid
of what will happen when we tell the truth, if we cry
we are afraid of who will see us and know us for who we are.
The bravest thing is to know that the world will tear you to shreds
but to keep showing them yourself anyway- to keep
being vulnerable, to keep pounding your hot heart's blood through
your veins when the world wants you to be cold and quiet,
to speak up and to tell the truth, you will not lie, I will not lie.
I will not forget to have lived when the time comes to die.
M Mar 2015
I am Taco Bell, the morning after a long night of sleepless driving through the country and you feel cold and warm and full and gross and fresh and your hair is falling around your face and your sight is blurred and you're hugging your pillow and you're there with the best people in the world
I am the moment after the moment before they hold you suspended on the rollercoaster, but more than that, I am the feeling of safety when you finish the loop and you're on a straight track for a while but you're still  rocketing through the sky
I am the feeling of hopelessness when you want to shout into the open air but you realize there are other people there so you just whisper to youself
I am waking up in a grassy field and putting on your shoes that are wet with dew and wondering how your sleeping bag got over here
I am standing under a waterfall and getting up the courage to dunk your head under it and I am the sudden and unstoppable ice cold but it is not ice, it is breathless and there is no one else there, this moment is just for you
I am when you tell a joke and no one laughs, but I am when you do something worthwhile and you know they are proud of you because they cried before you did
I am getting in the car at carline at the start of a long break and shouting back at the school as if it could hear you
I am the moment when you hear words that break your heart just after you feel them and just before you know what to think about them.
inspired by the zodiac posts. I am a Sagittarius.
318 · Feb 2015
Untitled
M Feb 2015
I could show you incredible things
the beauty of humanity. We all can.
318 · Mar 2015
extroversion
M Mar 2015
build me up and hold me there
I'll help you too, people were made for each other
and sometimes it doesn't work out but sometimes it does
we weren't meant to handle this alone.
our God is a social God
317 · Nov 2015
lyrics
M Nov 2015
You will find me, you will find me
in places that we've never been
for reasons we don't understand.
Walking in the wind. Walking in the wind.
Yesterday, I went out to celebrate the birthday of a friend
but as we raised our glasses up, to make a toast
I realised you were missing. We had some good times,
didn't we? We wore our hearts out on our sleeve.
Goodbyes are bittersweet, but it's not the end.
I'll see your face again. You will find me,
you will find me
in places that we've never been
for reasons we don't understand.
Walking in the wind. Walking in the wind.
And I know we'll be old times.
Just close your eyes and see
I'll be by your side, anytime you need me.
walking in the wind, by one direction
317 · Dec 2014
americans
M Dec 2014
to protect and defend americans
would you destroy the rest of the world?
because that is the mentality of **** germany and north korea and all fascist states ever
317 · Apr 2015
timshel
M Apr 2015
the human personality tells us that we are born with beauty
the human creation tells us that we must fight for it
but the human freedom tells us that we are both born with it
and that we must fight for it-
but beauty was always sleeping within us, since the very beginning
only to be woken by the sheer force and power of human will.
off of an essay I wrote for english
317 · Oct 2015
on my heart
M Oct 2015
God writes "new" on my heart and reminds me
that very few even know the half of me. I am free.
317 · Aug 2015
One day
M Aug 2015
One day, I will write down all the words you ever said to me
and make a poem, the type of poem that causes saints and kings
to look down from heaven and wish they were here to witness
the kind of love we had- one day.
You'll read what I have to say and you will bite back your tongue.
You had no idea how hard I worked to win your heart. You won.
(and how often the glint in your eyes seemed gold
and how close we were, and how far.) One day,
when we're both old, you'll remember the spring in my step
because you were watching me and I knew.
One day, the whole world will know.
One day, you will too.
One day, when the skies have closed and opened
and God has decreed something different
then the words will flow from my pen
and I will see you again.
semantics. about several different people. listening to Clouds and Fools Gold. the ending of this poem could be better, still a work in progress.
316 · Oct 2015
you or God
M Oct 2015
Thank you, thank you, thank you God
for showing me that I am worth more than this.
(and if I had to choose you or God,
I would choose God any and every day.)
not a specific you but rather directed to any you in my past and especially future. To follow Christ we have to look past the lies the world tells us and let only Him work through us.

"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 10:37-39.
316 · Mar 2014
Untitled
M Mar 2014
it seems so foolish to write about you
316 · Feb 2016
February 1st
M Feb 2016
I'm not here on this earth for self advancement, for money, fame, good looks
for friends, even-
those things don't last anyway.
I'm here to love, to console the poor and lowly,
to stand on my own two feet and do what God asked of me
to welcome all with open arms
to expect nothing in return
to seek not to burn bridges and to tie my loyalties to my Father
and through Him, all my neighbors
to look kindly on people and smile often,
to bring joy, to develop my character, to weep where tears are needed
and shout when shouting is called for
to make a change in the hearts of those I encounter
to follow my own heart when it chases God
and abandon it when it leads me astray.
I will not apologize for this. I will not apologize for who the Lord
has called me to be. I will not cater to the whims of people
that expect less of me. I am more than that. I will be more than that.
we focus so much on our day to day lives and other people's opinions but at the end of the day, God doesn't look at you through their eyes- He looks at you through His eternal, loving, and truthful eyes. "All that is hidden will be revealed, and all that is in darkness will be brought to light." God knows who you are and what you do better than any other person. Trust in Him, even when it's lonely. Jesus walked there before you.
316 · Jan 2015
to love
M Jan 2015
the heart of a Christian never ceases to amaze me
its breadth and wonder and beauty
extends far beyond this mortal world
and deep within every person it touches
oh, may that my heart resemble the Sacred Heart of Jesus!
may I love radically and fearfully.
315 · Sep 2015
unity and fear
M Sep 2015
we as humans know the price of separation
we know the pain and fear when you do not know the truth
when we do not tell the truth.
we know the anxiety that comes from isolation,
because in the space between people comes the noise and confusion
when there is a gap between souls a fog fills it and we don't know
what each other means and we don't know if they love us or not
division leads to fear, loneliness, isolation, pain, and jealousy.

a person standing alone is a lone pillar buffeted by wind in the desert
buried by sand and scorched by the screaming heat,
a person standing alone is a man trying to swim in the sea
during a hurricane, waves choking and crashing around him
a person standing alone is a person standing on a cliff,
wild animals growling behind them, they have to run, they are
looking out into a smoky abyss but they don't know how far they have to jump
to make it to the other side.

We must learn to brave the gap, to take that leap of faith
even if it's scary (and it is) to trust someone, we must.
We must love one another or die.
The greater the gap, the greater the fear, the harder it is to bridge it-
that's why when we are unafraid, our souls clamp together
(we are unafraid because our souls clamp together and
our souls clamp together because we are unafraid-
these truths are not causal, they are necessary of each other.)

we know what happens when we let ourselves be vulnerable
when we wake someone up to simply lay in bed with us
and you know that even if they don't understand, they care,
and for a second we are together with God, (this is true unity) but we are just
two people holding each other and I can feel my pulse slowing down
I can feel my heart calming and my skin cool because
now, at last, someone is with me, they are close, I feel safe,
I am no longer alone. I am no longer alone.
315 · Oct 2014
test results
M Oct 2014
and it seems as though there is nothing wrong with my own precious heart- it has been blessed and made sacred, I have been tested and reviewed and through all my examinations I have processed
I have been consecrated without my knowledge, baptised without consent and without an idea of destiny- I did not know where I was going and I thought my shattered heart was on its shattered road and my broken soul was headed to brokenness but God has been mending me and melding me all at once. I have been made whole, for I am whole. He has planned out my life for my best good but I could not see it, my eyes skipped over the road and forgot where I was headed, without the grand picture in front of me I lost who I was and could not see a clear image-
after all
a poet believes their whole life that they are broken
and finds, at the very end,
that they were flawless all along.
315 · Mar 2014
Untitled
M Mar 2014
People talk about it all the time
but it wasn't a reality til today.
I'm ******* ******, I'm tired of using other people's words
All these phrases are cliches, mindless placations and all that can run through my mind is *******, and that's not how I feel, that's how everyone else who goes through these things feels, I don't feel like this, it didn't happen, this didn't happen, even that's a cliche, I just want to use my own words, but everything important's already been said and I just want to stop using english because all of these words have been used and it's not fair, why can't I use my own words to describe my mental state? Every euphemism is pointless, that's not what these things are, there's no way to say it, my mind doesn't look like it's supposed to right now, it hurts, but it doesn't, it's numb, it's nonexistent, I don't want to keep using these pointless words, this was supposed to be a poem.
It was supposed to be a poem. It was supposed to have an ending. A real one. A beginning a middle and an end. It's cut off in the middle of a sentence just like that ******* book and why do I have so many ******* relative quotes but no real quotes of my own? Someone called it bad timing but there's no good time but really some are better than others but actually when is the best hour to **** yourself?
314 · May 2014
light and dark
M May 2014
we all started out afraid of the dark
but somewhere along the way
we forgot about the day
and whether it's happy or sad, day or night,
let's stop romanticizing darkness
and instead,
look to the light.
314 · Sep 2015
The Awakening / Kate Chopin
M Sep 2015
" "Why?" asked her companion. "Why do you love him when you ought not to?"

Edna, with a motion or two, dragged herself on her knees before Mademoiselle Reisz, who took the glowing face between her two hands.
"Why? Because his hair is brown and grows away from his temples; because he opens and shuts his eyes, and his nose is a little out of drawing; because he has two lips and a square chin, and a little finger which he can't straighten from having played baseball too energetically in his youth. Because - "

"Because you do, in short," laughed Mademoiselle.” "
314 · Dec 2014
a celtic prayer
M Dec 2014
"I am the God that makes fire in the head."
314 · Jan 2016
1/6
M Jan 2016
1/6
"We share the oceans. We share the sky."
LM
314 · Nov 2015
Untitled
M Nov 2015
I'm afraid that no one will ever see your soul again
but I'm more afraid that someone will.
314 · Oct 2014
grief
M Oct 2014
I would like to feel as though a hole was cut into me
fully, deeply, and intensely
so that I cannot repair it and I do not
have to think hard about it before it breaks me
and I would like to be kicked in the gut with tears
and have my throat choked by something I can't escape
because the only sadness I have ever felt
is love or the lack of it- never anything permanent,
always a hope- and I would like to learn
how to deal with an absence of hope
so that I may help others who have none.
314 · Feb 2015
artistic license
M Feb 2015
I can't write without at least five people thinking it's about them
it's never about you; it's always me, it's always about me
love poems are enscribed straight from my mind, directed towards
none, and all, the universe, God, myself
Art is not towards the subject but rather from the artist
and if you can't see that, I will take my ******* artistic license
and tell you to '*******' like I did before
at least, 'you' probably think it's 'you' again, don't you?
313 · Nov 2014
"go fuck itself"
M Nov 2014
I have never had a monopoly on anything, have I?
I am not the best at being a lover-
I am not the best at my sport, I only play well when it is only up to me
I am not the best at school, or math
I am not the best artist, singer,
my violin playing has been slacking
it seems that the only thing I am best at is feeling, feeling love and hate, but even that is not true because sometimes I think I fabricate myself
and sometimes I think I am the best at thinking, but
even that is not true, I am not even a genius on the IQ scale,
I am the best at obsession, maybe
but there are those whose thoughts are so consumed with one thing
that the rest of their life takes a back seat
I am the best at love, self-sacrifical love,
maybe it's because I have not met someone who was more willing than I
or maybe it's because I have deluded myself and can't see
my actions for what they really are,
and there are those who speak kinder, who listen more,
I am not the best at anything,
maybe that is why I want so bad to be in an equal partnership
so that I am the best and most important thing,
if only to them, and they are the best and most important thing,
if only to me, and
together we have a monopoly on each other
and the rest of the world can go **** itself, for all we care.
313 · Mar 2014
Untitled
M Mar 2014
You're still tired of me and
I'm not ******* treating you as anything more than a stranger
you're barely an acquaintance now.
Are you happy now that we don't speak?
Isn't that what you wanted?
You dislike me and fine,
I'll ignore you, if you return the favor.
I have other friendships to **** up,
with people that actually give a **** about me.
313 · Nov 2014
mom
M Nov 2014
mom
I am trying my best
as are you
and even though I say I am trying my best
and still fail- does not mean I am a hypocrite
it just means I failed. So please,
cut me some slack
let's stop tearing each others' throats out
a moral lapse or two is not reason to turn on each other
the world is hard for both of us
and you are not superior because what you say and what you do is in alignment
if what you say is 'I am a murderer' and what you do is ******, then
'at least she's honest' is not the right response- they deserve
no credit for the truthfulness of the fact,
but only credit for what they have done- the good or the evil
though I say I have goals and I do not reach them,
at least I have goals, and at least I am mostly good,
the difference between who I say I am and who I am
is not so big of a fault that it counteracts everything good about me
for the good stands alone- the goals may not match, but
they drive me towards being more good
and does that not make them good in themselves?
I am trying my best
please, please, please
just let me,
because you do the same thing-
and setting low goals for yourself does not mean that you are better
because your goals are equal to your achievements
if anything, you are striving less than I
and you are in no position to judge.
313 · Jan 2015
hell
M Jan 2015
there will be nothing left, but in the beginning there was love
we fought for it, burning in our own ashes and screaming
we thought that was hell, it wasn't, it was heaven
numbness and ice take over and we cannot feel
darkness is only an absence of light, right?
spirals shrink smaller and smaller as
the universe sinks down towards
its own inevitable heat
death
312 · Jan 2015
touch
M Jan 2015
it's easier for both of us to love someone who is not there
safe, isn't it? while simultaneously breathing danger
we'll never have to get close, never reciprocate,
we'll be fine alone pining away at endless galaxies
that we can never reach out and touch.
312 · May 2014
Yes
M May 2014
Yes
I just tried to type yes
and instead, typed Jesus
Freudian slip, maybe
because the Yes to my Lord and Savior
is the biggest and most important Yes
that I will ever say.
312 · Mar 2015
secret
M Mar 2015
these discourses are too private to even share with the sky himself
311 · Oct 2015
set me free
M Oct 2015
it's not my fault I had to lie
because no one ever wanted the truth
(even though they told me it would set me free,
it had to stay locked inside, so only I could see.)
311 · Apr 2015
always there
M Apr 2015
she may have been the sunset for majesty and power, completely and utterly awed
she may have been a breezy day for easy and free feelings, to teach me how to let go, give up
she may have been the storms and rain to remind me of God
but Grace, she will always be the night sky, that when I look up
I feel my nobility and humanity, the whole universe applauds
I can hardly move for my own significance in this cold, unfeeling air.
******* hell. She's always there. She's always there.
about four different people through my life. no one currently. just kind of working through my past
311 · Oct 2014
Untitled
M Oct 2014
I refuse to succumb to this again, and spend
weeks and months in hopeless misery
and excited adrenaline- I refuse to topple
heels over head, obsessive and unfulfilled,
this is unacceptable, I cannot, I will not
feel like this again, help me- it must not be real
I will deny and refuse this time-
I recognize the signs, and I can stop myself,
I have to be able to stop myself,
I will end this now.
311 · Nov 2015
Courage
M Nov 2015
“Alone of all creeds, Christianity has added courage to the virtues of the Creator. For the only courage worth calling courage must necessarily mean that the soul passes a breaking point and does not break."
Chesterton.
310 · Jan 2015
cross
M Jan 2015
I am a criminal
someone who should never be allowed to touch another person
maybe the cross is not made of material you can recognize
but it is cross-wood, heavy, cedar, oozing on my garments
walking slowly uphill with no Simon to assist
and it's better that way.
310 · Aug 2014
Untitled
M Aug 2014
i refuse to grow old
310 · Nov 2015
science and faith
M Nov 2015
I have never much liked science
and I never knew why, until now.
Because I have always known the grass is green
and I am constantly refreshed by the knowledge of
the fact of something new.
Knowing a formula, a law that tells me
the grass will be green every day
tells me to forget that the grass is special.
How can something be special if it is green every day?
How can anything be special if it is always the same?
A law gives me an explanation of how it will always be
and, personally, knowing something will always be
destroys my sense of wonder that it is here today
why do I care about the magnitude of a single repeating pattern?
if it repeats, it repeats. No matter for how long.
So, if the law says forever, it's no more special because
it is forever. In fact, it is less special.
I've never cared much for science because these laws
tell me, "it's not a miracle. In fact, it's always this way. Here's why."
And something, something deep within me, says,
"That's it?"
and science responds, in its dry voice, and tells me,
"That's it."
And I am convinced, still, in my heart of hearts, that
that can't be it. There must be more. Because I know
the grass is special. I know the world is good and unique
and different every day and deeply personal.
I don't care for laws because I know there are miracles around me
and a law tries to explain everything- and sure, it does.
Everything except the fact that this world is special.
I would rather be grateful the grass is green today than look at it
and say, "Well, I know it's green and will always be,"
and move on to the next fact to memorize,
in an empty pursuit of knowing all the laws. These laws
don't fulfill us because they don't lend us any sense of wonder.
They tell us the world is not special. That it's explainable.
I would rather appreciate it that it exists today and for what it is
rather than follow a pattern for all eternity.
Because I know that it's not just "That's it."
It must be more. It's got to be more.
a child of seven wants to hear a fairy tale that a man opened a door and there was a dragon. A child of two is already amused that a man opened a door. Every variation on what we already know is an attempt to satisfy and remember that feeling the first time we found out the grass is green. Laws tell us that we will never feel like that again. The grass will always be green. Sure, the discovery of that law feels brilliant and like a new discovery and a gain of knowledge but after that we will never marvel again at the grass being green. Knowing, instead, that something actively chooses to keep repeating itself and that it is life that does it again day by day through CHOICE is the true miracle. It is not bound to be green. However, we are thankful it is green because it might have been red or it might not have been there. "Law" destroys that gratitude. In fact, a law that must be followed and cannot be broken in fact robs us of both the obedience of following it and the fun in breaking it. A law that cannot be broken is no law at all. All the fun, in fact, of learning these new 'laws', is counteracted by the fact that you will never have the fun of discovering the grass is green again. The pattern will always repeat, no matter how many patterns you know. And knowing more and more patterns still will not free you. In fact, it binds you. Just some things to think about.

Read "Orthodoxy" by GK Chesterton. It's literally incredible.
310 · Nov 2015
Untitled
M Nov 2015
“The Declaration of Independence dogmatically bases all rights on the fact that God created all men equal; and it is right; for if they were not created equal, they were certainly evolved unequal. There is no basis for democracy except in a dogma about the divine origin of man.”
– Chapter 19, What I Saw In America, 1922. Chesterton.
310 · Feb 2015
Untitled
M Feb 2015
what do you want from me
309 · Jan 2014
Untitled
M Jan 2014
I like the way that poems sound
how each line means nothing
except to the author
I like the way they are always addressed
to someone named 'You'
and the way that You will never read them.
309 · Sep 2015
Untitled
M Sep 2015
I'm tired of people telling me how I should feel or what I should do or how loud or quiet I should be about my own love and my own pride and in what ways I am allowed to show it.
308 · Sep 2014
j brackman
M Sep 2014
last night I had a dream we were inseperably entwined
just as every single night had been for three weeks
and we held each other like we would never be apart
faces and limbs smashed and entangled and
when everyone else complained of the cold,
we woke each morning, our bodies regulating each other
toasty from the company throughout the night
like a piece of rope made out of two pieces of vine
is that my leg or your arm? it doesn't matter, it's love
not the sultry, romantic kind, but the kind that enables
me to miss you across hundreds of miles and
held together holding each other with no one else in mind
to hug my pillow and think of it as you, for together
we have a bond that is the rock, the foundation and
it was torn out from under me but I will think of you
all year long, until we meet again and my nights will
once again be warm.
like two atoms in a molecule, inseperably combined*.
308 · Mar 2015
rain / patty griffin
M Mar 2015
the stone and steel walls that I won't climb
can only take so much pressure
before they shatter
308 · Sep 2014
literature
M Sep 2014
the goal of the best writers
is to be able to live and respond to the literature
in a most coherent way
but the goal of the best literature
is to totally and completely overwhelm the writer
to blend their thoughts and feelings into an incoherent mess
to make an indelible mark on their souls
and to leave their pulse racing and their eyes throbbing
to wipe their life experience into a blank slate and rewrite it
in a hurricane of ideas and emotions, tumbling and burning their lives
like a holy firestorm, lost in the desert and whipping the scalding wind around
this, the tenderest and gentlest part of your heart.
308 · Dec 2014
Untitled
M Dec 2014
I only want you, no one else
308 · Feb 2015
wherever you go
M Feb 2015
I am so ready for summer
but I think I have a little bit more time left
and it's important not to skip ahead
so for now, I'm so ready for track season
and I'm so ready for the end of this quarter
and I'm so ready for school tomorrow
and I'm so ready for my day today
and I'm so ready for this moment, right now.
307 · Nov 2015
History / One Direction
M Nov 2015
You've gotta help me, I'm losing my mind
Keep getting the feel you want to leave this all behind
Thought we were going strong
I thought we were holding on
Are we?

No they don't teach you this in school
Now my heart's breaking and I don't know what to do
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Are we?

You and me got a whole lot of history
We could be the greatest thing that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history
So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever
  
All of the rumours, all of the fights
But we always find a way to make it out alive
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Are we?
the songs are getting leaked and this one has a very fifties vibe. It's very unique. Not relatable to anything CURRENTLY in my life.
307 · Feb 2014
Angel's Wings
M Feb 2014
I am not a little flower- not Theresé of Liseux
But I'll use the metaphor here.
A beautiful flower, pretty and quiet
does not lie and say, "I am wilted,"
but rather, thanks and gives glory to God for her beauty;
a mountain does not deny the thing that makes him mountainous,
and stands tall, pointing towards the heavens;
a butterfly does not live inside with the idea of being 'humble'
But, because of her delicate beauty, will not be satisfied
until her beauty is shared.
Likewise, I, gifted with glorious angels' wings
will not furl them and submit to a yoke of slavery
but rather, fly.
307 · Apr 2015
introversion
M Apr 2015
it's not hard to be alone, your soul just needs time
to heal, and to be held gently in the hands of God.
as I'm becoming more of an introvert I'm starting to realize the value of alone time
306 · Sep 2015
Untitled
M Sep 2015
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.
-Bob Marley
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