little bitter pills of what was
remind me that now I'm stone cold sober
and it hurts but it's for the better
it's for the better, it's for the better
it's for the better, it's for the better

I always feel like I have a losing hand
but this time I'm not sure because
I could just as well be rolling the dice alone
either way, I'm not winning anything.

tired of the same track on replay
in blown out speakers pulsing
electric signals calling and commanding
and one motion after the other-
I can't wait for a short in the signal
you'd think all the rain would've done the job
but the song still plays, still plays.

You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore.

no more last straws
I deserve better,
and there are no parentheses this time.

The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

I'm down to my skin and bone
and my mommy, she can't put down the phone
and stop asking how I'm doing all alone, alone
But the truth is the stars are falling, ma
and the wolves are out, quit calling, ma
and my home has never felt this far.

But all this driving is driving me crazy
and all this moving is proving to get the best of me
And I've been trying to hide it but lately
every time I think I'm better
picking my head up, getting nowhere.

some part of me has always known.

Help!
In desperate need of hope.

I am not obligated to approve of everything someone else does
I am not obligated to always be nice, especially when I am not treated nicely
I am not obligated to be agree with people constantly
I am not obligated to laugh at someone's jokes
I am not obligated to look at someone
I am not obligated to act kind at the price of acting with love
I am not obligated to apologize for my feelings when someone else upsets me
I am not obligated to blame myself when I am acting according to my conscience
I am not obligated to always be the one who apologizes
I am not obligated to remain in a toxic relationship
I should be loving
I should look people in the eyes
I should not be petty
I should stand up for what is right
I should express truth and justice at every opportunity
I should respect myself enough to let go of people that put no effort into our relationship
I should respect other people enough to still be friendly even after letting them go
I should respect my own feelings enough to be vocal about them
I should respect other people's feelings enough to be vocal to them
I should be discern unhealthy and negative things for myself and make the choice to change them
I should acknowledge that I can be wrong and I am often wrong
I should also acknowledge that I am not always wrong.

I've got a lot of dead skin to slough off and a lot of people
that have forgotten how to love
of whom I need to let go.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

sometimes I don't even have words
sometimes they don't deserve your words.

the air's a little warmer
my heart's a little freer
and I don't miss you as much anymore.

all you have is your fire
and for God's sake, don't let it burn out.

I'm not here on this earth for self advancement, for money, fame, good looks
for friends, even-
those things don't last anyway.
I'm here to love, to console the poor and lowly,
to stand on my own two feet and do what God asked of me
to welcome all with open arms
to expect nothing in return
to seek not to burn bridges and to tie my loyalties to my Father
and through Him, all my neighbors
to look kindly on people and smile often,
to bring joy, to develop my character, to weep where tears are needed
and shout when shouting is called for
to make a change in the hearts of those I encounter
to follow my own heart when it chases God
and abandon it when it leads me astray.
I will not apologize for this. I will not apologize for who the Lord
has called me to be. I will not cater to the whims of people
that expect less of me. I am more than that. I will be more than that.

and dear Lord, I am so glad that there is more to me than this.

It's so hard to forgive someone-
it's hard even to know what forgiveness is
should I agree that the wrong was necessary
should I sympathize with the wrongdoer
should I forget it ever happened
should I act as if it didn't
should I say something to you
I don't know. I don't know. All I know is when
I said, "I forgive you," even alone so no one heard,
a little piece of my heart unclenched,
a little shackle round my veins was let loose
and I knew then that when I said, "I forgive you,"
it was a better way of saying "I love you" and I knew that
the locks and loops holding me back were tied together
with my ability to forgive myself. I'm glad I saw this through.

so we'll ******* the neighbors
in a place that feels the tears
the place you lose your fears
yeah, reckless behavior.

When your heart stops beating, or loses its ability to pump blood to itself
the doctors put in a stent. And so, as pieces of your own self-sustaining
***** go to die, they are replaced by more and more
latticework. These tiny structures allow you to breathe, yes
they allow you to keep yourself alive. But what do you do
when pieces of your own sacred heart no longer belong to yourself
and they no longer pump blood the way they were born for
and no one told you that survival would come at the price
of everything that made you who you are- that this pointless
synthetic division would leave you a cold restless machinery
because you were scared, a little bit, too scared to be honest with yourself
too scared to even know you were scared so you stopped your heart
from pumping itself and gave the job to something or someone else
you made your heart a building, a high tower from which you cannot escape
rather than the core of who you are, it becomes a prison put in place
cement and steel blocks to keep you safe from the dragon but
the true danger is what became of you, you who gave up everything
to keep yourself alive, you whose heart no longer pumps blood
like a living, breathing human who shouts and screams and loves
whose heart no longer means what Aristotle and Jesus Christ said it means,
you whose heart now does its job, and that job only. You're me.

I wish I could fly
magically appear and disappear

superboy and the invisible girl
son of steel and daughter of air
he's a hero, a lover, a prince,
she's not there.

the sun still shines when you're not around

and there's so much history in these streets
of Mama's good eats and Wonder on repeat
so much history in my head,
the people I've left, the ones that I've kept.

maybe once we were the same
and maybe I'm the one to blame.

it's harder to get closure when my dreams keep demanding
I watch my life like a soap opera and there's a neverending
number of seasons. I don't have anywhere else to look.
I can't do anything but sleep. Oh God, I could be bounded
by a nutshell, and count myself king of the infinite space,
were it not I had bad dreams.

and I know you'll say that I'm the only one
*...but I know God made another one of me to love you better than I ever will.

go for lunch down by the river
and really talk it through

and I don't want to be a troublemaker but I'm a human
ain't I, and ain't I allowed to feel something and occasionally
shake the world from its roots- say, we are made in the image
of the guy that created hurricanes and volcanoes, right?
ain't I allowed to blow around and explode? ain't I allowed
to quake, and create, and sacrifice myself? And if we all
made in his image like they tell us, ain't those dramatists
and scholars and kings have the same spirit in them
as I got in me? ain't I allowed to feel the fire of martyrs
and talk like an orator and give myself like Christ?
ain't I allowed to start a little trouble?
Everybody else did.

anything hurts less than the quiet.

Yeah, the truth is that I'm sorry
though I told you not to worry
I'm just some dumb kid trying to kid myself
that I got my **** together.

"Keep doing odd things. Don’t let anyone know what you’re about. Keep them guessing. It’s a lot more fun."

tired of people lying about me and to me
tired of talking and tired of keeping my mouth shut
doesn't seem to make much of a difference, anyway.

we're all left to shiver in the bitter little aftershocks.

the bravery that lets the giggles fade away and
our hearts come nervously and timidly out of their shells
is the same bravery that lets us spark our small fires,
stand up for our brothers, and turn away from hell.

sometimes I think that "if only" is written on my forehead
just as loudly as it echoes through my heart.

I am tired of this place
I hope people change.

it's always that time of the year
and I'm waiting for it to not be
like this.

And I found out a long time ago
what a woman can do to your soul
oh, but she can't take you anywhere
you don't already know how to go.
And I got a peaceful, easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground.

I've seen a lot more meanness in this city
it's the kind that eats you up inside
it's hard to come away with anything that feels like dignity
it's hard to get home with any pride.

too busy watching swirls of starry love pass before my
dreaming eyes to notice. too lost in my own wasted heart.

now don't you tell me you just don't get it
'cause I know you do.

"and now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good."

counted all my mistakes and there's only one
standing out from the list of the things I've done.

After all this time?

Always.

I never will ask for anything more than to live
this one wild and beautiful life, to be anything more than human.

I have never been perfect.
I have always been too much, in fact
although that gives me too much credit-
I'm just a normal human being.
A normal human. Not romanticized,
not aggrandized, not more, not less. I'm just a person.
Just a person. A person who has her head ******* on
the right way up, I think, a person that sees
the light of good above her and the pit of evil below
and is trying her best to search the vague waters
for an answer to her navigational questions
a person that, sailing eastward into a west wind
knows that her wings are not wings but only arms
only arms. And only two eyes and only ten fingers
that don't deserve to touch God. I'm just one soul
floating and trying to find a rocky outcrop in the
midst of hurricanes on hurricanes. Trying to love
and live within reason. Trying to wake in the morning
with an attitude that lets me put my feet on the ground.
I'm just moving and learning. I'm only seventeen years old.

if the sun
e
     x
p  
   l
        o
d
     e
    d

what would you do
with your last week?

"'Thou mayest rule over sin," Lee said. That's it. I do not believe all men are destroyed. I can name you a dozen who were not, and they are the ones the world lives by. It is true of the spirit as it is true of the battles - only the winners are remembered. Surely most men are destroyed, but there are others who like pillars of fire guide frightened men through the darkness. 'Thou mayest, Thou mayest!' What glory! It is true that we are weak and sick and quarrelsome, but if that is all we ever were, we would, millenniums ago, have disappeared from the face of the earth. A few remnants of fossilized jawbone, some broken teeth in strats of limestone, would be the only mark man would have left of his existence in the world. But the choice, Lee, the choice of winning! I had never understood it or accepted it before. 'Thou mayest rule over sin.'"

and if you took my word for it
you must not know me at all.