Just because you don’t have the love and support from that one person who should, in a perfect world, always be loving and supporting you, does not mean you don’t deserve to be loved. Read this again. And again.

2. It’s both tragic and funny that whenever a good thing happens to you, a bad thing always comes up and tries to interrupt your joy. Just because you’ve always felt like a bad driver in a thunderstorm with no windshield wipers doesn’t mean the sky chooses to torment you. The sky is just being the sky. You have weathered these storms before, and you will weather them again. One day you will see how strong the tempest has made you.

3. You are unconditionally loved by more than one person. Not many people have that. Don’t be afraid to throw that love back out into the world with your helium balloon of a wild heart. And no more late night pity parties with that sappy “I don’t deserve love” refrain.

4. You cannot be mentally stable if your body is constantly trying to keep up with you. Feed it, wash it, clothe it, rest it. Just because you’re sad and scared does not mean your body deserves to suffer. I know taking care of yourself hasn’t really ever been your forte, so go lightly. Drink some water for a start.

5. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean going back to your old ways of coping are going to cure you of your struggle. The definition of a crazy person is someone who does something over and over again while expecting different results. You remember that person. You remember those results. How about not going down that road again, yeah?

6. You can doubt everyone’s love until the cows come home but in the end no amount of love from anyone else will ever feel like enough if it doesn’t come from yourself. It’s the oldest, most difficult thing you can ever do and we all need a little reminding every now and again.

7. Stop blaming yourself for still being afraid of being abandoned. There is no deadline on healing from old wounds, they have been embedded in you almost all your life. It wasn’t your fault then, and it’s not your fault now. If people leave, it’s their ******* loss. Your worth does not depend on who does or does not decide to stay.

8. You’ve always loved too fast too hard too much, but that’s just who you are. Love and suffering are synonymous. The sooner you accept this, the less likely you will be to inflict unnecessary suffering upon yourself because of it.

9. Sensitivity and compassion are two of your best qualities. Being ashamed of that is a complete waste of time.

10. Healing is difficult, but you have to keep trying. Stay for the love. Stay for the music. Stay for the summer days of iced tea and copper skin. Stay for the mornings you wake up in a pair of arms that make you feel like you’re home. Stay for coffee and popsicles. Stay for soft kisses and raindrops on your tongue. Stay for the sadness. Stay for the joy. Stay for yourself. Stay.

i scold myself for getting too attached;
i hate myself for loving too much;
i want to hurt myself when i get to the point
where i am scared of you leaving.
i will push you away before i need you
but i am afraid it is almost getting to
that point.
will you leave or
will i have enough courage to let
you stay?
what does it mean to love someone without
the fear of them leaving?
if i hurt myself, will it scare you away?
if i hurt myself and don’t tell you,
who and what would i even be
trying to protect?
when you say you’ll be right back,
i know what you mean to say is,
you’ll be back eventually.
whether that is hours or years,
there is no way to know for sure.
and that is why i look away and whisper
“okay.” because my need to be loved
and my fear of abandonment
are always at war
and looking you in the eye
is sometimes too painful
than me just saying “okay.” and letting you leave
with or without the illusion
of my permission.

the worst things will happen
and the best things will happen
both at the same time
as much as this will baffle and
completely confuse you,
it’s up to you to decide
between the devastating sadness
or the overwhelming happiness.
and on the days where you can’t choose,
it’s okay to ricochet
between both.

Don’t get drunk when you’re already soberly sad. The sadness will become so amplified that you will fall asleep to the feeling of yourself drowning in your own tears.

2. Sleep on the ground without a mattress for one night. You will wake up feeling sore and bruised, and thirsty for the comfort of your own bed. See this as a metaphor for how you feel on the inside. Recognize that the bruises will fade. Find a way to embrace the power of longing.

3. Let him hold you while you cry. Get your snot all over his shirt, sob into his shoulder, let him comfort you. You went without comfort for so long it’s about time you let go and let yourself be loved.

4. Write it out. No one will ever understand your pain down to the bone but you. Bleed out through the pen instead of the skin. There’s no such thing as a page that would rather remain blank.

5. As hard as it is to accept, sometimes the only thing you can do for someone who’s hurting is remind them that you love them.

I’m watching you
fall
down
down
down
into the rabbit hole
again. I reach out
my hand, suspended in fear
you reject it and say,
“I have to go for real this time.”
this time? There is no time.
you don’t see yourself.
you can't see yourself.
I want to follow you
into the hole of oblivion just so you don’t have to be alone in this.
but hating myself is a hamster wheel
I can’t afford to run on anymore
even still, i wish i could make you see
how unbelievably perfect you are
and have always been.
I hope one day you’ll swim up
to the shore to clear your lungs,
and when you do,
I will be there, waiting for you
and we can go back to neverland
and live in the lagoon of love
that brought us together
in the first place, that seems like it was
so very long ago.

I miss
Everyone I was
Everyone I wish I could save
Every place I’ve been
That I wish I could have stayed

I miss you.

my heart sank so far
down into my stomach
when I found out that
you’re trying to make
yourself disappear again.
I am so helpless and scared
for you, I know
there’s nothing I can say to make you
feel like you’re enough but
I can’t help but hang on to the hope
that you will find an ounce of strength
to love and take care
of yourself again.
I wish I could but
I can’t do it for you.
please, please
try. I love you so much,
it hurts.