The friend zone has two sides:
On one, the poor soul is trapped
Hopelessly longing for one who turns a blind cheek.
You sympathize with them,
because they suffer for having emotions.
They cannot be asked to stifle their passion.
Yet here in this pit, all emotions are paralyzed,
Who could be so vile as to banish someone to this place?

The other side is much different.
Not many strong emotions.
But there certainly isn't happiness, or even peace.
The overwhelming feelings are pity, solemn, and overwhelming power.
This vile person has so much power over the poor soul.
But did they ask for that power?
Did they even want that power?
No, they want to be equal, not above.

Fully aware of the pain they have caused, they are sorry.
To all of you.  Not just the people they have personally caused pain,
But to all of you who have fallen for someone like them and was burned,
It is unintended, and is painful for them too.
They feel evil and wrong, but have their own obsession.  
They love their partner as much as you think you love them.  
And they want nothing more than for all of you to find the person who is really meant for you.

Like I have.

You won't be happy with me.
Because I won't be happy with you.
But someone will.  
And while you're wasting your time over me,
the person meant for you is waiting for you, longing for the hole in their own heart to be filled.

Don't continue to suffer, and don't keep them waiting.
I feel responsible for your scars. But only they can heal them for you.

You were my brother.  
My first best friend I could trust.
She told my secrets, I couldn't trust her.
I could trust you,
have fun with you,
be smart and nerdy with you.
I loved you.

I told you how I felt.
You told me how you felt.
Miscommunication and a bird talking in my ear
ruined us
I lashed out at you, you apologized.
Why didn't I realize?
Yes, you are my best friend.  I'm sorry.  Don't leave now.
You didn't leave.

High School

You barely speak to me.
I am now uncool.
You are above me.
You mock me to your friends behind my back.
I convince myself that you would never....
I loved you.... you wouldn't.... would you?

Senior Year

Your best friend mocks me
cyberbullies me
nearly kills me by my own self-inflicting hand.

But what is this?
You could have stopped him
But I wasn't worth your pride.
You couldn't tell him no.
So I nearly gave up my life
Out of self loathing.

You were my brother.
I loved you.  
You wanted to love me.
Why did you do this.

******* Benson.  I have no brother.  And no love for you.

First things first:
I have not lost interest.
I am not bored.
I am enticed, ready to live my life my life with one.

With THIS one. Forever.
I could marry him tomorrow and be the happiest person alive.
SERIOUSLY.

So, why am I so interested in knowing the person right next to him?
Why am I using my time to research this other person's life?

Neither is more attractive than the other.
Truly.
Both faces, both bodies, both appearances are identically entrancing to me.

I know who mine is; we have talked, laughed, shared ourselves with each other,
and I love him.  
Stop telling me I don't understand this word.
Love means you would do anything, even die for another, and risk everything you have.
And I would.  I always will.

But I love meeting new people.  
I always have, and always will.
I know you, but I don't know him.
I'm hungry to learn more about this person.

Is that what this obsession is? Nothing more than pure curiosity?
If so, why am I not content combing through the photos you two share?
Why does sending him a short message saying "it was great to meet you!" put my stomach in knots and make me sweat?

Why do I see you and, if only for the tiniest millisecond, wish it was him?

No way do I prefer him to you.
No way will I EVER choose him over you.

No way will I actually fall for your own twin...

But I NEVER intend for you to see this anyways.
I have no convincing to you to do.  
You haven't accused me of anything.
I guess the only one who has accused me of this
is me.

But why try to argue with myself? I know I love YOU.  That's what counts.

So I'm not lying to anyone.  I'm not even lying to myself.

I just might not be telling the whole truth.

I need to figure out this whole "alone" thing.
Because every moment away from you,
feels like an eternity.

I am sick with a cold, and cannot take care of myself.
And as tired as I have been all day,
This twin sized bed is too big without you.

This relationship will last.
If even just to prove wrong all those people telling me
that none of my relationships are a serious thing.
I want nothing more than to share you with everyone in my life.

I have moved on from my own past.  Why must the people around me dwell on it?

In one group, you are the celebrity.
Everyone looks to you as the nice guy, the funny guy, and the awesome guy.
To me, you're my hero.
You make me the person I've always wanted to be.
Together, we are invincible.

Around my group, you are the 'other guy.'
I'm supposed to be with Preston still, and I just can't be.
He changed as soon as I dumped him.  
Apparently I wasn't important enough for those changes to happen earlier.  
Or he finally has discovered the log in his own eye.  
For all the splinters he accused I had in mine, maybe now he won't be blinded by his own ignorance.

Yet, you are punished for all of this.
For everything that happened between Preston and I.
I am happy being with you, and you are hardly allowed to set foot in my room here,
let alone stay the night.
It infuriates me how my own roommates would rather me be alone than happy,
because I proved them right.

Both of them told me I was too good for Preston.  
They were secretly the votes that helped me decide to move on.  
But it wasn't their way.  

So why must you be punished?

Please come back home soon.  
I need you beside me, whispering in my ear that everything will be okay.
I need you telling me that we are invincible together.
Logan, I need you.

When the alarm sounds
I will wake,
Rub my eyes,
then see yours.
I woke up before you, so I shake you awake.

Press snooze

"Good morning"
groan "morning."

Cuddle these few minutes

30 minutes until class
27 minutes until class
22...

When the Alarm sounds,
We release each other.
Roll off of the bed,
Be pulled back onto the bed.
hands locked, legs entwined, lips sealed.

19 minutes until class...

Grab granola, cereal, juice,
Clothes... search for them.
Where did we throw them?

13 minutes until class...

Brush teeth, hair, grab deodorant,

10 minutes until class...

Come back you....

6 minutes until class....

I love you.  I'll see you after class.

**This is how I want to spend every morning.  I want to wake up beside you every morning, and embrace the day with you. Every morning and night is ours to share.  Every kiss, we dissolve into one.  We shall part in body, but never in spirit.

As I lie awake at this lonely hour
I discover just how much you are to me.
I can't sleep knowing that you are out there,
Trying to reach goals that can never be reached.
You work towards the impossible:
Perfection.

I long for your warm body beside mine
And your gentle yet firm embrace that keeps me warm.
You need sleep more than I, yet I am wrapped in my blankets
while you continue to work.

You don't realize that not only do I want you now,
But I need you later.  
I need to know that you will live to see a lifetime after this.
That you will not waste yourself now,
and decay from the lack of daily rejuvenation your body is craving.
You need to realize that I worry for you for us.

I need my Preston more than I need anything else in the world.
With every moment you lose sleep, I feel like I lose part of you.
Please don't detach from me.  
You know I love you,
more than anything else in existence.
I die without you.

Fear holds us back
It controls us,
paralyzes us,
and destroys us.
We can try to stop it,
ignore it,
or fix it.

Yes, we battle with ourselves, and will someday break through

So why must others battle with us too?

"It's all in your head...Just get over it...Everyone is afraid of something, and you need to stop worrying...Just do what everyone else does:  Ignore it."

Well since when did family mean rejection and abrasiveness?
When did it become okay to belittle psychological pain?
Why must there be a battle with you before the war with myself?

I need to know that you genuinely care.  
And I fear that I mean little to you.

Let it Go, Let it Go
You know that it happened so long ago
Let it Go, Let it Go
You'll only learn to love when you learn to grow
'Cause here I stand, And there you'll stay
Let this storm pass on
This breakup shouldn't bother you anyways.

It has been so long since I decided it was best to go our separate ways.
If you want to continue to suffer, fine.
If you want me to suffer, okay, I guess that's understandable.

But her? Why must she suffer?
You are toying with lives as though you have no responsibility for your actions.
We all must hurt and be hurt as some points in our lives.  
But it is never excused.

There may be reasons, but you are attempting to excuse your actions.  

Let go of your anger for me and hatred of yourself,
And maybe you will be happy again.

I don't care if it's just a piece of string
I want a ring on my finger
I don't care that I'm only seventeen
I know our love will make us stronger.

I don't care that we have only been together 3 months
I have known you for almost a year
I don't care how childish or foolish I sound
I want to spend my life with you

Let me spend my life with you

How did you know that I was scared?
Was it in my voice?
Was my voice timid?
Or shaky?

How did you know I was scared?
Was it my body language?
Was I curling into myself slightly?
You were in the other room.  How could you have seen?

How did you know I was scared?
Were there clues in our previous talks?
Did I tell you that would frighten me?
Or do you just know what what I was thinking?

How did you know I was scared?
I spoke and you got up to help.
You never question my fears.
You merely vanquished them by protecting me.

How do you know me so perfectly?  
You make me feel safe
Wanted
Loved
Like I will never be alone.
**Never stop loving me.

I'm talking to you in there.  
You know how special you are.
The way he looks at you,
and you know you've been looked at that way times before this one.
He looks at you, with utter compassion.
Holding back all he wants
Because you have yet to experience the pang of loneliness that is required in order to truly understand what it means to cherish another human being.

You may start a sad story about your life,
But do you realize that the saddest part
Is that you don't see yourself the way you should?

Most heroines are overlooked by their would-be suitor
and all see the tragedy in it.
That she is not valued by them the way she deserves.
She is not looked at and sought after the way she deserves.
But who is the other person in your life, Amy?
Who is the one person that will not appreciate how incredibly coveted you are?

You.

You and only you.

Those who care not for you have no interest in bathing in your excellence.
These people are not to be minded.
But there are many who are changed for the better just by knowing you.

Why are large animals so majestic?
Because they have the undeniable ability to ravage all in their path,
but choose to do so only when it is key to survival.  

You could easily spread a wave of grief across all around you by taking a detour off of this bridge.
But it is your decision to instead change lives that shapes you as a beautiful person.  

Death is much easier than life.  
But being selfish enough to cause pain for so many people would forever damage the soul.  
Even in the next life,
they would be cursed to only being able to cause pain.

This might be the turning point in your reincarnations.  
You have the option of selfishly leaving and destroying all hope for future lives.
You have the option of taking all your pain and promising to aid all others in pain so as to be healed yourself and lead to generations of joy forever.  

So when you look back at this, and ask what the best option is, remember the title of this poem.

I have found myself in this dark place once again
Everything has worked itself out
Or at least, as well as it could.  

Life is good. I enjoy my school, my friends, and my beautiful partner
He and I take on the world together, one day at a time.
And sometimes, talks of the future come up, but that is to be expected.

Everything could be great.
Everything is great.

But then, you get drunk, and say things that make me lose my confidence.
And that lack of self confidence has made you lose interest.
You always accept the intimacy,
You sometimes accept me.

But you care enough to take care of me after we break up.
You say you will make sure I am not alone, And I believe you.
But then why do you have contempt in your eyes?
Why is there boredom and annoyance on your face?
You seem to detest me, and I can't help but take every passive aggressive comment as you saying,
"******* *****, go away."

I am reading too much into this.  This, I know.  
But I am not delusional.
I see the way you meet my gaze and then dart away immediately. Afraid that if you look too long, you'll love me again?

I want to be wrong
Please, just prove me wrong.
Say you don't mean any of it and that I am still important to you and always will be.
I can't stand to think that my misinterpretation of you looking at me looking at you looking angry at me for being upset towards you for misinterpreting your words towards me has ruined everything I fought for.

Fire
It isn't just destruction,
It is warmth
It is the sun
It is life

Fire
It gives me drive
It gives me passion
It gives me feelings

Fire
It creates the spark
It creates excitement
It creates jealousy

Fire
It holds me to you
It holds me to people
It holds me to life

Fire
It dies
It turns my face
It ignites for him

Fire
It draws me to him
It forces my hand
Forces my lips

The fire in my heart that burns for you is dying.  It has been doused several times, but refuses to die just yet.  

The fire that burns for him grew too quickly and is now a poison
Ripping me apart
Eating away at my body from the inside, out
It's ruining my relationship with you, with Rose, and with myself

This fire is burning my heart alive.
I can feel it roasting
At least, I think that is the ache I feel in my thoracic cavity

I am miserable.  
But I have no idea how to change that.