I shall never be the best in anything I do,
because for every poem I write there's always Duffy,
every equation I complete, Einstein always knew.
Every maths question successful had Pythag around before,
for my paintings there was always Monet,
or Da Vinci perhaps.
for every ball I sway against, Murray has already touched.
You see for me,
I will never exceed,
I will just be a possibly,
a hope,
a could have been.

If I left because of her
I know you would be ******,
So hold onto me as tight as you can
Because I am so done with this.

hold my jaw I beg of you,
despair when I'm not there,
find my scent lingering in
every room I've vacated,
escaped hairs attached to your clothes,
and smudges on your pillow case.
long for my touch,
and the tangle of my mane
when I have fled to return home
scrawl me letters that don't make sense
but scar so deep,
plead for me to not go
and hide the lump in your throat
think of me everywhere
in all your empty space
I shall linger and drift
awaiting your consistent warmth
that exudes from within.

Under every illuminated sky
I will wish for you,
although the stars are dying
I shall pray that we forever live.

never will I fall in love again
I murmured,
how do you know?
he pondered
because you are my first
I touched his wrist
he looked down to follow my fingers
my deepest
my longest
my forever
naive yes
young, okay.
but believe me
I have you
and I am yours
for as long as this eternal bond lasts
I will remain infatuated
compelled, lost in you
the waves of your hair crashed
and the love flooded to your eyes
a squeeze of confirmation was all I gained
but for I
that was enough

I know you're busy
and time isn't on your side
but I do wonder
I often wonder why,
why you can't just dial my number,
or send a rushed message as you dress,
how I'm always the one who gives a larger portion
of my heart.

someday you will find the person to call you princess
see it radiate through the blush of your cheeks
your hushed laughter muffled by your hand
the way your hair disobeys your constant tucks and twists
behind your delicate ears
the gravel in your voice that never shifts
the way clothes drape on your curves; never cling.

Princess will be your name,
the way your match describes your smirks
and the way you twirl the jewelry around your joints
how you write your names together
and the doodles you do in the margin
the way you play with broken nails
and stroke your forehead when you're going to weep,
your lover will look longingly at you
and your perfect regal ways
will leave him thinking
my,
oh my,
oh my.

what makes me so unappealing?
is it the way my thighs briefly touch then curve
only to meet again?
my crooked smile?
tired eyes?
the way my hair curls and winds?
my attaching heart?
my small, needy hands?
my glistening blue eyes?
the wishes in the fallen eyelashes that I neglect
to brush from my cheeks?
my age that doesn't reflect my maturity?
the gaps in my brain that can never be filled?
my skeptic heart?
my pulsing wrists perhaps?
my slender neck that curves too late?
the crevices from mountains on my cheeks?
how have I become something I promised not be be?
why do I lack what other girls have?
where have I gone wrong?

I refrain from sleeping,
not because I don't want to rest,
not because I don't long to relax,
but because I dread the empty space between consciousness
and slumbering bliss.

the moments where I evaluate
every single wrong,
relationship,
reasons to be turned off,
and the lengthy time that lies ahead,
how I get from here to there,
and the way tomorrow will flow.

if only I could slip into your little mind,
peer through your world,
understand each thought,
and your annoying vacancy,
to know how you see me,
the feelings you have,
before it's all too late,
and misunderstanding leads to us
and our departure.

waited twelve hours for your reply,
the space between us slowly grows,
you across the sea,
and me on a speck of land,
even the miles between us,
cannot show you the length of my love,

twelve hours creep by
lost seconds drift,
as I clutch the casket of my device,
longing for your name to glow,
have you forgotten?
has your day become too full?
these questions I cannot answer,
and I will most likely never know.

I love you more than gentle rain,
to clutch you more than jabbing chest pain.

move with you like time with the elements,
you eternally in my presence.

to care for you more than the last flower,
for your touch to empower,

the sun to be your pigment,
whilst I just stay a tiny fragment.

a fizzle which fades,
submerged in rainbow colours,
that continue to froth and spread,
bubble and pop,
filling the tub,
a burst of elation,
a rainbow with it's *** of gold,
just you and I,
in this luke-warm water,
the heat turning me the colour of ruby,
my eyes turquoise with the surprise,
so divine,
a tranquil after math,
this bomb has now exploded,
the ****** has been reached,
and the come down has begun,
each colour slowly fades,
as my feet return to the bathmat ground.

he had sad eyes,
and dusty insides,
she didn't fit,
and never wore a true smile,
the only thing to lift him up,
was the pluck of a string,
the simplest way to gain some joy,
was for her to listen to a gravelly voice
riddled with pain,
both so alike,
compatibility like no other,
but he built a barricade,
and she encased her heart with a tall,
impermeable wall.
which meant they would never collide,
and instead spent their lives in passing,
completely and utterly alien
in our little sphere
we like to call home.

Why do you crave another girls attention when you have all of mine?
why do you not see the care and passion in my eyes?
the fire in my heart,
desire in my soul.
how am I not enough?
I will never fulfill you're being,
you will always search for more,
but this is all I'll ever be,
and I don't believe I am what you long for.

leaves dance with ease
from the autumn trees,
and float delicately with the breeze.

a whirlpool of brown,
and faded green,
will all drift away not to be seen.

The rain beating down,
as puddles are skipped through.

no longer will there be frown,
but smile lifting each cheek.

as the rain bounces,
making damp feet.

the beads it creates on soft skin,
dampening it's touch.

shivering through your spine,
as you run.

spinning under storm clouds,
no shelter from nature's outburst.

it showers you so delicately,
each splash a relief.

self acceptance, that's the key,
the only thing to set you free.
once you look in the mirror and notice you're alright,
all your insecurities will take flight.
when you realise your heart continues to beat,
all problems will begin to fleet.
when you look in the mirror that hovers above the floor
one day you will realise you're lost,
confused and sad no more.

I'm using this experience,
to become someone better,
a person who devotes more time to themselves,
and their own self pleasure,
I'm going to stop being 'me'
and start as someone else,
I'm going to tackle all my problems
and not leave them to cascade.

I will be the stronger person,
confidence will envelope me,
and I will rid self hate,
I will wear kaleidoscope colours,
and plait my wild hair,
I will light incense and candles,
and not give a ****,
I will get good grades,
and work as hard as I can,

I am over all of this,
although tears have been shed,
I am good enough,
and I won't just hide away in bed.

we believe in quotes,
and passages from books,
lyrics from hurt singers,
and verses by troubled souls,
we believe in little reassurances that help us realise,
although alone,
this exact feeling has been dealt with a million and one times previously.

don't fall in love,
because you'll be the one that falls harder,
deeper,
faster,
and they'll leave and you'll just have those feelings,
and the constant reminder of them in everything you do.

I can't see anyone loving
my pudgy ugly face,
my wonky smile,
and dull eyes,
my stance and sway,
the size of my feet,
my laugh when I cry,
or the giggle that comes with joy,
the way I crack my fingers,
and how I arch my back,
I can't see anyone adoring a single thing about me,
can't see them longing,
to hold my little hands,
to squeeze me and pick me up
whenever I feel down,
I'm not very lovable,
I'm sure you all will see,
because there's far more within,
I am someone I would rather not be.

so long my lover,
I'm through with all this,
leave me alone,
I want silenced bliss,

for everything to stop,
and nothing to go on,
my heart to no longer drop,
the thought of you to bring shame.

so long my lover,
eternal is what I longed for us to be,
but that was true for me to you,
but not from you to me.

sore throat and dreary lungs,
I suffer the pain of carrying on,
heavy like a load on my spine,
the weight that has filled my busy mind.

they crawl on,
as I pull through,
trying to stay in tact,
attempting to find
who I truly am,
pondering thoughts pass,
moments become memories
that my brain won't always hold,
the hands mark each number,
and everything blurs to one.

every line,
each groove and edge,
fall and sweep to create you,
that arch of your back,
and apple in your throat,
curves that fall at the base of your back,
chiseled edges of thighs,
delicate ankles,
and veins that throb,
carefully created cheeks,
and the bumps of collar bones,
plumpness of lips,
and nobble on knees,
making you perfect for me.

a breeze through your hair,
to untangle long term knots,
sunset shine falls across your face,
grass tickles legs,
the brightest stars begin to appear,
they show above branches that line paths away from home.

I often think about you,
it's always in my dreams,
where I picture you ******* me
and pulling at my seems.

and I gaze at your mouth,
and pull my fingers through your short hair,
and tickle below your chin,
all the while dreaming about one day being your spouse.

we could fit together perfectly,
just as if two puzzle pieces,
or perhaps like Cinderella in her shoe,
or a bunch of closely packed cutlery.

you can be my husband,
an eternal commitment we should have,
the dying stars can witness our every move,
and we can share otherwise single baths.

a pair we shall be,
no need for complication,
together's all we need,
a love story too perfect to just imagine,
if only you were with me now.

Jealousy makes us human,
if we were without the pain in our heart,
and the flutter in our lungs,
none of us would truly be alive.

I despise the sea for keeping us apart,
for it keeping me away from the tenderness of your heart.

I don't want to go to bed,
because bed leads to helpless thoughts,
and thoughts lead to panic,
and this encourages hate,
and with the hate takes my personality,
and happy I no longer am,
because all of my flaws are more visible,
appearance leads to self hate,
self hate links up to you,
and if you saw me how I am truly,
this world and mask I have built,
will slowly,
tumble,
d
   o
     w
        n

Love is timeless,
it never exceeds,
nor does it decline,
it's just there,
it wraps you and holds you dear,
when everything else abandons,
but what if love leaves you?
And suddenly you're as if a ship wreck dragged onto a pebbled shore.

Like a fire in a forest,
the illness quickly spread,
from the bottom of his feet the the crown of his dear head.

The illness I speak of is deadly,
and can often not be cured,
and when he finally dies, in the ocean his ashes will be poured.

He lost this tragic battle,
but in memory he will forever last,
because he is every breeze,
every star,
every single blade of grass.

Do you ever look in the mirror and hope to see what you're not,
for all of your worries and frown lines to have been banished from your face,
the hurt from your sunken eyes to have gone whilst you slept,
the knots in your hair to have unraveled themselves,
for your knuckles to no longer ache,
and for you to have more strength,
for your shoulders to become less tense,
your body to be light,
to drift amoungst others,
who envy your ease in this world.

You told me you didn't like make up so I wore minimal,
you said you loved laid back clothing,
so my style was changed,
you told me that you preferred curled hair,
so I refused to straighten,
you said you wanted someone who was open and honest,
so that I became,
none of the changes seemed to matter,
because it wasn't really me that you wanted,
and in the process you were being pulled out,
and I was sinking deeper in.

3,400 miles away,
in my heart you will forever stay.
the distance between us doesn't mean a thing,
because I love you right now even more than last spring.
you are my darling, my sweet heart to be,
my ideal, my perfect, the boy from my dream.
I may be young and naive still,
but I adore you with my whole heart and always will.
peoples opinions don't matter to me,
because for you'd I'd do everything my perfect baby.
I never even realised someone like you could exist,
you have everything on my mental checklist.
so one day my angel,
together we shall be,
locked in embrace,
forever and a day.

Words mean so much to me,
You never know what your last ones may be.

There are plenty you can conjure up,
from the longer ones to something plain as 'cup'.

Some are able to make your day,
others you hope no one will ever say.

not just ink and needle,
it's memories and pain,
hopes and dreams,
names and beauty.

art across a body,
canvas showing your story,
messages in korean,
no one has to know.

delicate birdcage on one thigh,
or a anchor next to an eye,
they can have meaning,
or none at all.

impulse descisions,
or contemplations,
all of them perfectly fine.

Cross my heart and hope to die,
I promise under nighttime sky,

no part of me is crossed,
none of these words to be lost.

an innocent swear of 'I love you mores'
and I always will,
because you my darling have no flaws.

I want to kiss you in every mood,
and for you to kiss me back.

when I'm at my tether end,
your lips will help me defend,
against any battles I may have to face,
You will be in my desired place.

A whisper between two lips,
to give you the flutter when mouths interlock,
hands resting gently on one another's hips.

as I'll watch you all the while,
my eyes falling on your mouth,
and the corners which hold back smile.

I'm trying to forget all the memories that we had,
trying to disregard the times you made me bad,
all the occasions where you made me feel quite sad,
and every single time you made me feel a little glad.

I'm trying to forget,
because it seems you are less fond,
and we no longer have our automatic bond.

I yearn for the times when everything was good,
maybe I am wrong and everything,
misunderstood

Look at me, I'm womanly.
My hips are the same size as my bust.
look at me, I'm womanly,
60 years ago my body is one young men would lust.
look at me I'm womanly,
I get creases around my eyes.
look at me, I'm womanly,
my thighs aren't the desired size.
look at me, I'm womanly,
and I shall never be stick thin.
but to me that doesn't matter,
because the most beautiful things come from within.

I'm going to the city tomorrow,
where I will wander,
and dream,
and long for things to come,
eat bread I wouldn't otherwise eat,
feel the warmth of the glow on my face,
strolling carelessly,
a child once more at Disney,
nervous again as I add unfamiliar currency,
lost, but the nice kind,
talking to people in all the right ways,
falling more in love,
and hoping more than I ever have.

emotions are as if a current,
far out to shore,
sometimes they can't be seen,
by the eye alone,
or the best telescope on earth,
but sadness is lurking,
in the reefs of the ocean,
and suddenly,
the moon sweeps them in,
from safety to drenched in no time at all,
bone dry to stood shaking,
moments it can take to change,
from content,
to lost.

eyes help me to see,
qualities no body else could,
whether they're sparkling as the stars,
or like yours, the colour of falton wood.

they're a small port hole,
into the depths,
and yours my darling,
leave me without breaths.

they're more than just a feature,
a distinct part of your soul.
the colour of them perfect,
sure to never grow old.

Sometimes I like the feeling of insignificance,
the bliss that comes from innocence.

The solitary in naivety,
the absence of prosperity.

long polysyllable words,
that describe emotions other people I know have never heard.

Tongue gently flicking the roof of your mouth,
as each of them is pronounced.

It's sad when you can tell,
that a person is holding back tears
and longing for them not to show.

It's so hard not to notice a person in trouble,
even though they often fight so hard.

The purple below sunken eyes,
showing the dreams that had been pulled from their grasp.

cold trembling hands,
resembling how they once held on too tight.

deteriorating bodies,
yet buzzing thoughts,
somehow keeping them alive.

skin a soft grey,
hair a tousled mess showing how much they have become untamed.

unsatisfied people,
who hold on despite there not being much

mirror, mirror on the wall,
am I lovable at all?

do you think someone could look past
all the flaws that I've always had?

will they admire my hair,
and tell me that they care?

will he hold my skin,
and tell me my beauty isn't just from within?

mirror mirror
that hangs on the wall,
of course they won't,
I'm such a fool.

it's weird how we used to talk all of the time,
but now there are large gaps and you no longer feel mine.

was I too much?
are you afraid to attach?
or did you just stop suffering from lust?

I want to spend my day only with you,
to do the things that lovers do.

I could be more loyal than your favourite pair of shoes,
more loving than a new born pet,
I can be your blanket to tangle,
if you want I can be your water,
your shield and your sword,
more comforting than your pillow,
more trusting than yourself,
your sun and your moon,
whilst you are my stars,
your city and the pavements,
that you find when you're at a loss,
I want to be your north and south,
east, west.
A torch in the dark.
I want to be the feeling you have when putting on a loose top,
the relief to find me,
to be there for you so you're no longer lost,
you're right when you're left,
you can be my love,
my brave man,
and I shall be your guiding hand.