never will I fall in love again
I murmured,
how do you know?
he pondered
because you are my first
I touched his wrist
he looked down to follow my fingers
my deepest
my longest
my forever
naive yes
young, okay.
but believe me
I have you
and I am yours
for as long as this eternal bond lasts
I will remain infatuated
compelled, lost in you
the waves of your hair crashed
and the love flooded to your eyes
a squeeze of confirmation was all I gained
but for I
that was enough

I know you're busy
and time isn't on your side
but I do wonder
I often wonder why,
why you can't just dial my number,
or send a rushed message as you dress,
how I'm always the one who gives a larger portion
of my heart.

someday you will find the person to call you princess
see it radiate through the blush of your cheeks
your hushed laughter muffled by your hand
the way your hair disobeys your constant tucks and twists
behind your delicate ears
the gravel in your voice that never shifts
the way clothes drape on your curves; never cling.

Princess will be your name,
the way your match describes your smirks
and the way you twirl the jewelry around your joints
how you write your names together
and the doodles you do in the margin
the way you play with broken nails
and stroke your forehead when you're going to weep,
your lover will look longingly at you
and your perfect regal ways
will leave him thinking
my,
oh my,
oh my.

what makes me so unappealing?
is it the way my thighs briefly touch then curve
only to meet again?
my crooked smile?
tired eyes?
the way my hair curls and winds?
my attaching heart?
my small, needy hands?
my glistening blue eyes?
the wishes in the fallen eyelashes that I neglect
to brush from my cheeks?
my age that doesn't reflect my maturity?
the gaps in my brain that can never be filled?
my skeptic heart?
my pulsing wrists perhaps?
my slender neck that curves too late?
the crevices from mountains on my cheeks?
how have I become something I promised not be be?
why do I lack what other girls have?
where have I gone wrong?

I refrain from sleeping,
not because I don't want to rest,
not because I don't long to relax,
but because I dread the empty space between consciousness
and slumbering bliss.

the moments where I evaluate
every single wrong,
relationship,
reasons to be turned off,
and the lengthy time that lies ahead,
how I get from here to there,
and the way tomorrow will flow.

if only I could slip into your little mind,
peer through your world,
understand each thought,
and your annoying vacancy,
to know how you see me,
the feelings you have,
before it's all too late,
and misunderstanding leads to us
and our departure.

waited twelve hours for your reply,
the space between us slowly grows,
you across the sea,
and me on a speck of land,
even the miles between us,
cannot show you the length of my love,

twelve hours creep by
lost seconds drift,
as I clutch the casket of my device,
longing for your name to glow,
have you forgotten?
has your day become too full?
these questions I cannot answer,
and I will most likely never know.