I lied
That day
That day you asked me
And I told you no
My brain filled with it all
All of the ‘yes’ and all of the ‘you have no ideas’
I shouted yes with every muscle and nerve
I shouted it with the way I didn’t move my hand towards yours
I shouted it by making the right amount of eye contact,
You know, the stranger-acceptable amount
But all you heard was 'no, not yet'
Maybe if i'd told you
You would have said you did too
Maybe you would have meant it
But instead we both sighed a someday…
Someday we will love each other
My someday was years ago
Were you too proud too?

Im not one of those people
The ones that yell on the cliff
And wave their arms all about
Not one who demands your attention
Claiming it as my own
Im one of those people who stands
Quietly and unassumingly
Next to you
And whispers “hi I am here
Im thinking of you
Maybe you could think of me?”
Im one of those ones
Waiting to be noticed
For someone to see
The me who takes a bit of searching
To find
Who would love you forever
And be totally devoted
If you so much as asked me to
But instead I stand
Unassumingly
Over there
Hoping you remember
But unsurprised that you don’t
After all
I not standing on a cliff
Shouting out your name

The grip tape tore against the roses on my skirt
As I sat on approximately one half of the long board
The other half was occupied by your lovely self
We both laid back
Blades of grass only separated our faces
That and your hand which I wished you would put in mine
Or brush my cheek
Instead I looked away
And remark about the clouds
The one that looked like a turtle
Or a dragon
I forget
The point of it was
That you would see the clouds
And not the look on my face
Which would have told you the whole story
The story of what I thought of that hand in between us
And the delicate blades of grass
So easily breakable
Yet impenetrable
Or so I thought

I was just a bird
sitting in the gold metal
with the door open
always wanting
but never leaving