Hi friends and fellow prospects. I'm sorry I haven't been on here for so long I promise I'll starting posting more soon.

I never want to greet you with silence I always want to welcome you with wide eyes and answered prayers

who do you want to be when you're not hiding behind the glass

You told me to close my eyes once and then you switched our cassette tapes

I speak you into the intersection of my life and the other side of the highway. I speak you into the intersection of my life and the other side of the highway. I  speak you into my crisp white sheets every other weekend. I speak you into tunnels and over bridges. I even speak you into motel rooms.

It's never about you it never was about you. It will always be about the sun and the wardrobe that sits outside in the garage. It will never be about you. It will always be about the hearts that are half empty half intoxicated. It will always be about the eyes that have seen too much but never speak up. It will never ******* be about you. It will always be about the case in the middle of the hallway.  It was never about you. It's always about turning over all the tick tick ticking clocks in the house and saying "time doesn't exist."

whenever I look at you your eyes say "I've seen it all" and then some

but when does it stop

I was about to get attached to you but everyone told me I was wasting my time. I flipped all the clocks over in my house. I thought about waking up to you and then I rolled over.

everytime I think of you I flashback to New Years Day 12:01AM

STOP PUTTING THIS METAPHORICAL GUN TO MY HEAD

You'll miss them like the TV static from your apartment that you've become so accustomed to. You'll miss them like the last train home. Your chest will feel like it's caving in 24/7 and your lungs will feel like they've shriveled up and became dust in your body. But listen to me you have their name to live for baby. You'll want to throw your eardrums on top of the stars so you can try to hear their voice one last time and then you think heaven must be soundproof. Everyone says they'll be there for you but it's to their own accord. During this time everyone will be fluent in apologies. I'm sorry for my sympathy. It is now 3:47am.

How do you stop remembering that it happened

I see you in the silence always

It still hurts

Maybe it's just me maybe it's the memories that we never made that keeps me so close to you. Everything's familiar to me except the touch from your palms on my skin. Is it just me? Yes I'm staining my dreams with the imprints of you. Yes I know I'm disappointing because I've been stuck to this like a child who has been eating the stickiest candy for the longest time with no worries. I keep on going back to you. I want to sing to you. I want to read to you. I never want to see your ******* face ever again. I never want to ******* hear from you ever again. I want to tear down all the walls you've made me build. I want to tear myself down to the foundation of before we started. I want I want I want. I don't want to sit in the corners of your mind and rock myself back and forth crazy over you. *******. I hate you. I'm trying to tear down these walls but I ******* can't. I'm too weak. I hate myself too much it's taken everything in me. I love you still no matter what you say or however many girls you go through. I can't do this. I will think of you always even when I don't want to. I will say ******* and then under my breath I will always apologize 4 times before my next sentence. I can't do this I'm sorry. Please stop doing this to me. Please stop I'm trying so bad. I will hate my guts and these walls always I'm sorry.

You're the quiet after the blizzard

I'm not unpacking I'm living out of my suitcase I'm living out of your chest babe

I've been sitting in the middle of the street, watching this light change for the past hour and I hope I watch you go like this

I feel like I was on this road just yesterday but it's been three months wow how the time doesn't fly

I just want to sip Jack Daniels with you from you great grandmothers irreplaceable fine china and dance all around your white walled living room to your favorite record forever no stopping just your blonde baby soft Shirley Temple curls bouncing up and down like they were individual little kids on a summers evening running towards every direction before the sun sets and I hope you will love me like this

Breathe don't be crass

It's like I don't have dreams I just have flashbacks even though I myself were not present I feel like déjà vu is the right term like it happened physically right in front of me. So tangible. Yet I was not there and this is only the beginning of Sunday communion.