why must you hate me
im a product of what you should bring you happiness
with all the hatred i've recieved
its jaded my vision
now im alone
now im all alone
i dont feel like i belong
but why must i keep going on
if after this its all just happiness
why must i force some freedom inside
its hard to sleep at night
i have no fear of letting go
i have no attachments to anyone x2
i know its just for the experience
so lets have fun x2
i dont have nothing to worry about
all this **** could end right now
im tryna show you what to do
no one ever really cared for you
i wanna teach you all the right things
but love yourself enough
that you don't go searching
no one needs to know that you're hurting

i can't stop running from you, though i hear you calling me
im not scared to accept its my time
one way or another i have always been yours
life is a reflection of what i see
see in myself
why is it hard for me to love me
and no one else
i cant help but see a future with no soul by side
why must i force some freedom inside

please dont judge me
i need all of you right now
im sorry that may sound selfish but im tired of being alone
we want the same but your on a different wave
than i am
i cant, get to you
without you reaching for me
why you gotta leave me lonely
the skys the limit
and your love dont go thar far
why are you making this hard
i know you know we had sparks the time we kissed
it was so ******* bliss
but i wish we never did it

its been a while since I've last spoken
within the last 9 months of 2020
I've been betrayed, lied to, and heart broken
how ironic for a heart to keep breaking
after already being damaged
its when false hope makes you believe you've been bandaged
ace of cups is what my future sees
new beginnings aren't meant to not be scary
can't dwell on a past that can't be adjusted
have to put faith into unknown, and trust it

changes in septemeber

im starting to think i passed my limit
my mind frantically panics for the next adventure
is it addiction? is it filling a void? is it for spiritual ascension?
no matter what it is, this isn't what i expected life to be
i apprehend that words cast spells and i wish i was more wiser back then
but life has a way of teaching you its lessons
are my problems really my problems if we're all one?
"the past is rich. but the here and now is better"
wherever this mantra decides to take me this year
i hope its a place that silences my endlessly racing thoughts
a place that heals my damaged ego
a place that uplifts my higher self
a place that nurtures my heart
a place that fills my body
a place that enlightens my temple
a place that admires my inner child
a place thats home
im still getting all my thoughts and feelings together
its a lot when you finally stop thinking about everyone else
and give yourself the attention you've been in search for your whole life that you avoided knowingly
i don't understand why i can't be available to you right now
but just know that i love you
and if there is a time that you may seem to question it
just understand that
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