With love comes pain and with pain comes depression.
So, yes I am afraid of falling in love again.
If you ask me my first love not only did he hurt me.
He made me experience something so tragic that words aren't enough to describe such torture.
I didn't see it coming when I fell in love.
So I don't know what to expect from love or a man.
If and when I do learn to love again, I hope you are ready to deal with me and my complicated self.
I am not an easy person to understand and I don't want to be either.
Your job isn't to figure me out.
I want difficult.
So if you want me, it must be forever because temporary doesn't exist for me.
I pray our love never fades... that we never get comfortable.
I want to have you, hold you and let you know what this love I have for you is only yours.
You are mine and I am yours only.
I am here to stay.
Someone to be there through my ups and downs.
To catch me when I fall to print your joy and love on my walls of strengthen and resilience.  
To see right through the glass windows and feel the heat of our love awake me.
Love deeply...
To hold
To touch
To feel
To desire one another as if we've known each for years.
I can't wait to travel and explore the world with you.
For late night talks until the sun rises and we fall asleep in each other's arms.
For everyday adventures
I can't wait to be hold by you my love.

The moon is shinning tonight…
“enlighten me”
midnight cries and untold secrets.

Seems that where ever I go… it finds its way back to me
I find myself surround by many people yet i feel as though I’m nonexistent.
every voice is silent
I can see the joy in their eyes…no worries, no pain, they are living
it remains in my deepest thoughts
the ones that awake me every night
the thoughts that torment my mind
this throbbing pain that won’t allow me to function
feels like my head is shrinking along with my thoughts
taking control over my mind
I’m losing it.

The moon is shinning tonight…
“bring light”
diminish dreams and deepest desires.

So the next time your eyes gaze at my direction, look to the moon in my beautiful dark brown eyes
watch closely as the dark clouds suffocate the sunlight
the shattered glass falling from the sky
its raining empty promises, dreams, and hopes.
observe as I swallow the sweet…rich…exquisite taste of heavenly red wine
filling in the empty spaces that were once home
drowning in lips of secrets
I can feel such divine affliction running down my throat
the burning sensation that stimulates the fire escaping my own flesh
as my body is draped in truth that i seek to hide
in this alluring naked skin that will infatuate you and levitate every ounce and inch of your body
and bring an intense high that will change the unknown parts of you that never been touched.
Allow the silhouette of my wildflower captivate your mind and dearing soul
Let my universe and my bearing passion touch the tip of your fingers and show you my care free and spirited soul that means no harm
for at the end of the tunnel there is light, greater love that remains behind lock doors only to be revealed for those who worship such poise and devotedness.

The moon is shinning tonight…
“how lovely it is to let go”
Orchids and paperwhite bulbs.

Rare beauty.
That hides within itself.
Delicate and stunning.
They breed from the same stem that brings strength and resilience.
Luxuriant petals that remain still & angelic.
Together they become one flower of life.

The moon is shining tonight ...
"drown in my sea of divine serenity"
Fear and Trust.

Remain underneath the waves that attempt to pull my peace into a dark place.
Don't reach out to my divine soul, for I can bring light.
Keep still , let yourself sink in waves of chaos.
For your soul is no match to my aura
For my essence is unimaginably breath taking ...
It be a **** for you to taste it and take it.

The moon is shinning tonight …
“a goddess amongst everyone else”
Bless the heart that can only love twice, may you not fall into the wrong hands.

I dare you to allow yourself to take a trip into my essence.
to take the time of day and allow your eyes to see the heavens of the earth quake as you take a moment to breathe into my world
intoxicate you with my exquisite…delightful aura that will reach in the innermost you and awaken your very soul
let yourself be free in my soul as it prances to the sound of the ocean
as the waves whisper from the reflection of the moon
illuminating on my naked frame that flows and drifts along with the waves
in this skin I wake up to love
so deep and profound under all my flaws
nothing much more refine than the beauty i hold inside
step into the gates of heaven that hold such delicacy and grace
so intensely satisfying …
you could almost taste it the sweet and tenderness of how much beauty a moonflower can hold
yet open and bloom so graciously  
let these soft ocean waves wash our skin with peace
as you watch me unfold like soft petals opening a flower
******* soul...
inhale the aroma that will entice your every sense of touch and taste
where the music meets the ocean, and my dulcet tone of words meet your ears
let me guide you to the secret garden
where dead roses remain radiant and divine
where paper white bulbs are planted in my soul
quite plain and simple yet exceptional…
rare to find but worth having in your home.
the root of the stem that holds underneath the ground that fills me with such nourishment
and hope.
I pull you into the depths of my mind
let your universe and mine intertwine with one another..
as you explore each and every part of me that makes me whole
as I electrify you and make you feel high and transport you into the world I breathe in
as your eyes gaze into my deep brown eyes that hold the ocean’s most deepest secrets
the beauty that hides within myself and these walls
admire the walls that can’t tumble down from the printed joy of pure innocence lost in love
admire such beauty that you seek to feel
admire such soft lips that speak peace and freedom
admire even when the shattered pieces will never be whole
there is beauty that will stimulate and elevate you in ways you can’t describe for
I am beautiful.

No time for explanations or apologies.
Presumed assumptions and conclusions.
Actions speak for itself.
So when you come into someone's life with the purpose of only hurting
don't bother introducing yourself for I will forget your name before your hand even reaches the door.
You will be nothing but a faded memory.
First impressions will be displayed until true colors are shown.
But I guess what should've impressed me the most is how quick you changed personalities and not the words you spoke because ... words cant be trusted by one who proclaims to be man and doesn't show it.
So it must've been a mistake when I gave you my number for interest and you accepted it for a night of a quick appetite to fulfill your ****** gratification.
To your fixation for my temple only to come to realization that I don't pour the sweetness of my fruit as quick as you
**** what a shame ...
I must not be woman if my name isn't mentioned on your weekly news of entertainment for your friends.
Misjudged for stuck up and not enough, what's the word... easily "manhandle".
I take it, I didn't make it to the front page.
and the infatuation you developed with her wasn't as natural as the moment when we first met and noticed each other.
Man who can only love twice, you're more than likely to walk into something so easily short lived but I guess you knew that when you decide to take a different direction and not give me a heads up.
Seems that the word "communication" doesn't fit in your dictionary.
Cause less than a week you were in the arms of another woman.
Polygamy and monogamy take place
A man can have all the women in the word and still be discontent.
As for women can be satisfied with one love, for her love is a spiritual experience.
As for a man it's more of a physical necessity.
Experimenting your options and different shades of women.
Except I'm too much woman for you to notice my worth
I am a goddess... not a body you can come home to and lay on
I know what I bring to the table and I'm not afraid to eat alone.
I guess I didn't fit your criteria of submissive and conspicuous
cause as soon as you weren't getting results you gave up easily.
Cant be mad for a 'man' not seeing what he has in front of him.
Must be perfect for each other ...it's not like you have to work for it cause every man has had a piece of her.
Must be a relief not taking your time to fully know a person inside and out.
As I took the time to read "Captured In Essence" you took your time in her only I read until the end and you still didn't finish...
yet you were so quick to pour your juice when I haven't even begun my ride...
Lovely isn't it...
Age is just a number until maturity comes to play.
Expectations that the older the more centered'.
My apologies that was my misconceptions on older men.
Imbecile
Inconsiderate
Don't hold yourself accountable for your actions.
Don't kiss and tell with the same lips that tasted the sweetness of my fruit...the diamond between my thighs.
So the next time you open your mouth, reassure yourself with facts and don't speculate.
Expect not to be hurt but do wrong.
This was just a game to you except I was never playing the part
So if I may ask how is your stay at the Pallas...

If you aren’t throwing it back in the sheets, you not woman enough to be his "wifey"
"wifey" a condescending way of referring to a man's wife.
"wife" a married woman considered in relation to her spouse
{see the difference}
These boys claiming how much they want a "wife" but they aren’t man enough to be a husband.
Do they even know what it takes to be a husband?
That is the real question.
They want but aren't willing to put forth the effort.

If she ain't thick, or got a body banging like Kim K she ain’t worth talking too
Since when did appearance matter so much?
beauty is what's inside of her soul.
beauty is her mind.
It is how she can elevate you and intrigue you with her aura.
beauty is her essence that will uplift you.
real beauty is within.

If she doesn’t reply within 30 minutes or less than an hour, she talking to her other hoes
Honey, let me fill you in on something.
There are more important things to worry about than replying to a **** text.
Bills don't pay themselves.
If you want to make yourself known, start taking action.

Stupid boy logic "You are mine and no one else's. I want to keep this on the low but don't mind me when I talk to other females because I'm single. I still want you though."
Translation, " I just want someone I can use. I want someone who will be there by my side but I will not by any means be there when you need me. You are mine but I will not claim you. I can't be content with one female, so I will still be desperately chasing after more"
These are the same boys who cry in confusion why they can't get a good girl or find love.
You are too incompetent to understand that love is not to be found. It has to be learned.
A wise man said once, "to love is to give all without condition"
A guy will tell a female he wants her and is willing to do anything and everything for her, even give her the world.
But when you say something and you truly mean it... not only will you say it, you will show it.

Netflix and chill?
In other words, you down to come over and ****...
If she says no, she a ***.
"She faking, she be games"
No, you be on games. Get your priorities straight and figure out what you want.
No female is going to sit here and deal with your nonsense.
Guys will throw the word "***" around to any female but they forget who the real hoes are.
Feeding the same ******* to every female but they expect to be trusted.
Simply can’t be satisfied with one must have all the women.
There are other things more appealing than coming over to just have ***.
Try getting to know someone for a change before you get your **** wet and try to get under her draws.

"You too much"
Stop. And think.
maybe your just not enough...

Talk
What is the point?
"To let it out"
and then what?
"Heal"
Then let me yearn this pain...
"It will be okay"
but for a second l'd like to think its not.
Let me feel this moment of hopelessness
Let me taste the salt of my tears, as my soul is consumed with agony  
Talk
Don't you see?
Talking doesn't help
People are the walls I continously stare at in my bedroom as I sink into my mind within the beauty and bliss of my existence with the universe
My thoughts are a reflection of the words I can't speak
as my body comes to a state of paralyzation
Nothing but silence...
even if I wanted to speak, I can't
"Don't overthink, just say it"
Prepare for all situations, must think it through and have an answer for the eyes that seek to know but not understand
Those eyes can't see the wounds I carry behind my smile
Don't speak of words of comfort or be any consolation to me
Let me be
Thinking is in my nature
I am an artist, a poet
Thinking is the only reason I lose sleep over countless nights
it is what helps me create and make beauty with my words, with the flowering spikes of my brush that express ...
the words
the emotions
the thoughts
I can't speak
So let me indulge this pain
Until, I'm ready
I have to heal myself.

“Follow your Heart”, they said.
“No, let your mind lead your heart. Trust me when I say this sometimes following your heart isn’t always the best choice”, I said.
Because when you let your heart lead your mind…it will only allow you to see what you want to see, not whats in front of you.
So you’ll sit there and think to yourself how to make it work…
but if it was meant to be it would’ve happened.
So all this time you spent trying to figure out reasons why an “us” or “we” should exist
You’ve failed to realize that you are the only one fighting for a long lost love.

***

He’s been craving the sensation of his **** in between my legs
Waiting for niagara falls to rain inside my pink tinted walls as he makes his way down on me

Spread my legs open … feel me tremble to the touch of your fingertips inside me
Taste and feel the moist of my walls drip to the sound of your voice
Enticed by those deep dark brown eyes that spark admiration and passion
Feel my body tingle with sensation as you caress my thighs with desire
As I taste the sweetness and bitterness of your juice between my lips
I lick the tip and run my tongue around and around as I push you deeper into my mouth
You unleash my inner most ****** desires that seek to be fulfilled
Shhhh… and listen to my body’s demands to be on top
Feel my inner thighs move slowly back and forth as my hips move in rhythm
Hold me tight as I squeeze you within my beauteous, divine walls ...
As I pick up the speed and move up and down
I begin to unravel and unfold myself and release the nectarous of my fruit on you..
Feel the warm, creamy, white juice
So blissful and euphoric
As I exhale a symphony of moans
By the fire we generate with the warmth of our bodies panting in satisfaction…
My mind just entered a dimension beyond consciousness
You
Opened
Me
…..