this is a ****** poem
because i’m not sober

i’m not sober
because i don’t like a lot
of what i am
and what happens,
and what i do like
usually leaves in a hurry

and this is my catharsis
my prestige, my highlight;
i write poems in the dark alone

because happiness
stolen from aloneness
is not a simple theft

and by no means am
i a skilled burglar,
but the seldom moments
where i am alone and happy
are the most memorable,
and the most worth the crime.

cirein-cròin of the sea
i beg of you, beguile me
of how you wept on heavens knees
underneath the cedar tree

tell how you slept so gently there
together then, of both your fair
and then, mind you, she did dare
to lay a kiss,
and run gentle through your hair

or how you both, laughed and played,
in the meadow, on that day,
with the wheatgrass’ whipping frays
and the dear gold sun’s mild ray

cirein-cròin of the sea
i do beg you, answer me
how so has it come to be
that tears were shed,
under heaven’s cedar tree

Fale don, up to our pride, we fail again
Stride fast! Gone throughout wind and cold held bare
Amidst round planes and crook’d temptations gain
Oh gospel teach us how with pride and prayer

For she, the wicked temptress lies in sleep
While we, the wicked yarns spun deeply ill
Aghast at her fine look, we trip and weep
At she, who drags the soaken mass downhill

We plead and sob, our faltered petals burnt
Our throats strung hoarse, for we are weak without
her kiss, ripped up from deep below the urn
Just as we are made finally devout

Oh celebrate my friends, we’re free once more
But only to be drawn back in her score

wailing at the wall
knuckles red
bloodshed
sweat drips
feet trip
i'm on the floor

i get back up

i break my jaw
i look down
i see my feet
undershadowed by a limp
swollen bleeding mass
that was my lip
and i notice
that my shoelaces are too loose

i continue still

there's a release
a satisfying
painful
sweet
release,
it is earned

it is therapeutic,
with my blood soaking
down my fingers
from my ruptured knuckles
i watch the pain
as it leaves me

and I am stronger.